Loneliness

So, as you can guess from the title, today's post is about loneliness.

In my view, being lonely can mean a variety of things. It can go from an old person being on their own at Christmas, to a teenager feeling left out. That last one is me.

Whenever I'm with my 'friends', I have the tendency to feel left out most of the time. I guess it's always been this way. In primary I had five 'best friends' and I was the one that was always getting left out. If we had to work in pairs, they'd pair up together. If we had to work in groups of four, they would always go together. None of them were ever the ones being left out. It was always me. I should of known then that this would be the start of my loneliness.

Now I'm 15 and still feel lonely. I'm not really friends with the ones I was at primary. Two of them go to another school and the other two go to the same school as me. Both of them are best friends. I am friends with another group of people now.

And that group of 'friends' leave me out a lot as well.

On Saturday it was one of my friends birthday. She is a genuine friend. Me and five others went round to hers for a sleepover. I was excited as I haven't seen any of my 'friends' all summer. I thought we'd all be catching up. How wrong I was.

They all pretty much ignored me. Two of them hugged me when I first got there and we chatted a little bit but I was getting left out of the conversation quite a lot. It's the same every time. I don't know why I thought that night would be any different. I mean, they have all been hanging out all summer and leaving me out.

I'm pretty sure I got quieter as the night went on. I barely spoke. I know I'm naturally a quiet person, but I normally talk more than that. I guess that's why I get left out a lot. Because I'm quiet. But just because a person's quiet, doesn't mean that they should get/feel left out. Right?

The worst part of this is that I worry that this is how the rest of my life is going to end up. That I'm going to die a lonely, old woman. That I won't ever get married or have kids. That I will lose all my friends. That I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

Do any of you ever feel like this? That maybe you're not good enough for anyone? Comment below your experiences of feeling alone. Maybe I can help you become un-alone (don't think that's a word). Give you some advice. Maybe you could give me some advice? The only advice I can think of for myself is become less quiet and more loud. That's what I'm gonna try when I go back to school a week on Thursday. I don't know if it's going to work or not but I'll let you know in a few weeks.

Love Beth xx