I think I've mentioned once before about this boy who has completely changed my life. We're not together but have been talking for the past few months and he's had a big impact on my life. It's now gotten to the point where I never want him to leave. I find it weird how I've only been really close to him for the past few months and never want to let him go.
Anyway, this boy has been acting kind of weirdly this past week. It all started last week when he messaged me telling me that he was thinking about me and when I asked him why he told me that he'd tell me when we meet up (we haven't met up yet). Then, the conversation went slightly (just slightly) weird because he told me that he loves me.
I was so confused about what was going on. I know that in the months that we have been talking there have been plenty of times where it's felt like we're just friends but there have been other times where it's felt like we're more than friends. I guess it doesn't help that I have feelings for him and him saying all of that, especially that he loves me (apparently), is all that I've thought about for the past week. That was until a couple of days ago.
It had been a few days since we'd talked and the last thing he'd told me was that he loves me. I guess I never talked to him in those days because I had no idea what to say. He then messaged me telling me that he misses me. Ever since we left school he's said this so I didn't think much of it. Except for the fact that I miss him too. The conversation then got weirder than the other one because he told me that he thinks I'm beautiful and stunning. He has never said anything like that to me before so I was in complete shock. But at the same time my heart kind of melted by his words. I just couldn't believe what he'd told me. Then it got even weirder because he started asking me why I love him and when I asked him why he was asking me this he said it was because he wanted to know if he ever had a chance with me. He then said he thought he never had a chance with me because he thought I was too good for him. When I told him he did have a chance with me he said he was amazed.
Boys (and girls) never think that someone is too good for you or that you never have a chance with them. Chances are that you do have a chance with them and you're just making yourself think these things because, for some reason, you think they're better than you. So don't be afraid to tell someone how you really feel because chances are they feel the same way. And even if they don't, you at least know that you told them how you feel and were put in your place instead of not telling them and spending, potentially, the rest of your life thinking about what could have happened.
I don't know when or if I'm ever going to see this boy again and that hurts because I just want to hug him and tell him in person that he did, and still does, have a chance with me. I think that hurts the most from what he said because the way he said it made it sound like he thinks he's lost his chance with me. He hasn't. I know I've only been close to him for a few months but it feels like a lifetime and I don't ever want him to not be a part of my life. I have had, and let, too many people who I cared (and still do care) walk out of my life and have never seen them again. I have so many regrets from these experiences and I wish I could turn back time to get them back in my life. Unfortunately I can't do that so I have to spend the rest of my life without them. And it hurts me knowing that. It hurts me knowing that they're not that far away; and yet I haven't seen them since I allowed them to walk.
If you have feelings for someone and you haven't told them yet then tell them. In fact, stop reading this and go and tell them now. I know that rejection is something that we all fear; but at the end of the day, at least you can live with yourself knowing that you told that person how you really feel. And let's face it, if that person has allowed you to be a part of their life so far without you telling them your true feelings, then they obviously must feel something for you too. I have led a life with far too many regrets and I want to change that. I want to start telling people how I really feel about them so that they at least know that.
You know what, if this person does reject you then they're a fool. They obviously can't see how great you really are and they are not worth your time and effort. There is someone out there who is worth all that and so much more and you should go out and find that person. It could take days, weeks, months or even years: but don't stop until you find them. Don't waste your time on the wrong person when you could spend that time and so much more with the right one.
If what has happened to me or the boy I've been talking to you about has happened (or is currently happening) to you and you want to talk about it then please don't be afraid to talk to me about it. All of my contact information is in the contacts tab at the top of the page.
Please remember this: no one is ever too good for you.
Love Beth xx
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