Why I Get Annoyed

One of the things that annoys me about mental health is that other people just expect you to go and get help and by the next day you'll be fine. That you'll no longer have anxiety or depression and can be like how you used to be. That you can accept a friends invitation to go and hang out without having that little voice at the back of your head telling you that she's not really your friend and that she's only inviting you out because she feels sorry for you. Or that when you walk past a group of people and they start laughing, you'll no longer feel like their laughing at you and they're actually laughing because of something else.

It's the same with depression. There are some days where you feel absolutely fine and are able to go out and have a laugh with your friends. Yet sometimes there will be that voice at the back of your head again, telling you that you don't deserve to be happy and that you should be ashamed of yourself for going out and having fun. There are other days where you feel at your absolute worse, even though you said that the last time, and you can't even get out of bed. It just keeps on taking away your life to the point where you're not even sure if you have any life yet. That this is the end. And yet, somehow, you're still here. You're still alive. But you have no idea how.

A lot of the time, my anxiety and depression does seem to get the better of me. It just seems like this is it for me and that this is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life; not being able to go out anywhere and stuck in bed. What annoys me though is that people just expect me to go and get help for it and that I'll be immediately cured. But there is no cure. It's not like a cold where you can just take some cough medicine and a few days later you'll be feeling fine again. They're mental illnesses for pete's sake. They're not just going to go away overnight. They're something that's always going to be there; even if you thought that they'd gone. They're like the elephant in the room: they're always there, even if you don't see them.

I just wish that people would realise that mental health doesn't go away just like that. In fact, it never truly goes away at all. I know there are people that you can see that can help you control how you feel and how to tackle your inner emotions, but they can't make the problem completely go away. No one can. But don't think that just because the problem will never completely go away means that you shouldn't talk about it to anyone. Talking helps. The more you talk about it, the more people can help you. If you don't talk about it then no one will be aware of the struggles you're facing and won't be able to help you. My mum always told me that I should always tell her what the problem was so that she could fix it. I always used to think that I should never tell her what my problem was because I thought that she'd think that I was being stupid and that there was no way that she could help me. But I'm only just realising that she was right; talking can help the problem go away. 

I urge you to talk to someone about whatever mental health illness you may have. Talking helps. It may not seem like it in the short run; but in the long run it's totally worth it. You don't have to share everything right away. Just for you to say just one word about how you're feeling is a step in the right direction and you should be proud of yourself for it. If you've managed to do that, give yourself a pat on the back or treat yourself to something. You deserve it. You are much more than your mental illness.

Love Beth xx