Anxiety and Me

So a couple of weeks ago, those of you who read it will know I wrote a post about living with social anxiety. I shared with you what it's like to have to live with it and felt a whole lot better having shared it with you. Well today, I want to share with you what happened to me on Thursday. If you follow me on twitter, you might know what I'm getting at.

So on Thursday, my bus was 10 minutes late. When it eventually arrived, I was relieved that it meant I wouldn't be late to school and have to walk into class late. How wrong I was!

When the bus got into town, it decided to go to the other school first instead of mine. At this point I had about 5 minutes until school started. I knew I would be late because it takes about 10 minutes to get to the other school and then go to mine.

When we got to the bottom of the road that leads up to the other school, there was a long que of traffic because the road is very narrow and there were loads of other buses going to and from the school.

When we eventually got to the school I go to, it was 5 to 9, 10 minutes into lessons. So I had to go to reception to sign in and then go to class.

Only when I got to class, I couldn't walk in. Why? Because I started having an anxiety attack. And it was horrible.

I was stood outside my classroom with my heart racing (kind of like when you've just done a race). My stomach and chest felt like they were getting tighter and I was finding it slightly difficult to breathe. I was on the verge of crying and all the noises around me (teachers talking, people walking around downstairs) seemed to be louder than usual. I was leaning against the wall for 5 or 10 minutes, trying to get myself together.

The reason why I eventually walked into my class? Because I heard someone walking up the stairs towards me and I literally had to calm myself down and walk into class like nothing had happened. I kind of felt stupid afterwards because my teacher didn't really say anything about me being late like some teachers do.

However, it was kind of awkward because I heard some whispers around the room like 'why is she late?' and I just had to sit there and pretend nothing had happened, despite the fact my heart was still racing and at times I felt like I was going to cry.

Since then, I've been alright but anytime I walk past someone or they walk past me or if they're walking behind me, I always feel like they're talking about me. I know they're probably not but it's horrible and it's making my last year of school horrible. I would leave but there's no point.

Have any of you any experienced anything like this before? Share your experiences of anxiety or anything else that you want to share in the comments below because it really does help. Writing this now, I feel a whole lot better.

Remember, if you don't want to share it for everyone to see, you can always DM me privately on twitter (@teenagelifebeth) and I will help you in anyway I can.

Thank you for reading

Love Beth xx