Is having divorced parents sometimes better?

As those of you who have been reading my blog for a while will know, my parents have been separated for almost four years now and eventually got divorced in August last year. At times dealing with this has definitely been challenging and is something that I would never want to put my kids through if I were to ever get married. Today I wanted to explore why, despite there seeming to be so many people saying that having divorced parents can affect kids negatively, having divorced parents can also be seen as being a positive thing.

For as long as I can remember, the whole of my parents marriage seemed to involve them arguing with one another whenever they were anywhere near one another. This atmosphere was always very toxic and as I grew older I became increasingly concerned about whether their marriage was going to survive and what that would mean for me and my brothers. It didn't seem to matter whether there was a happy occasion, such as a birthday, Christmas or anything else, they would always find something to argue about the minute one of them entered the room. This took it's toll on me and as devastated, angry and upset I was when my parents eventually broke it to me that they were going to get divorced, in some ways it was kind of a relief that I would no longer have to be surrounded by them constantly arguing with each other.

Obviously there are a lot of arguments that I (regrettably) can remember, however there is one time in particular that has stuck with me. At the time I was about seven and it was a Saturday morning and I was just casually sat on the sofa in the living room watching TV. My mum was somewhere in the house and my dad was outside working. I seem to remember my dad coming back in the house for one reason or another and that's when my mum and dad started having this full blown argument. I don't actually remember what they were arguing about, however what I do remember is my mum's face getting angrier and angrier by the second until she was basically purple in the face, to the point where she made me go upstairs to my room so that their argument could get even more heated. This was pretty pointless as in my old house you could hear what someone was saying from the other side of the house, even if they were whispering. So when my mum and dad were practically screaming at each other, I could definitely hear everything that they were arguing about.

One of the problems with having parents who argued all the time is that that type of 'love' is the only way I have ever known to 'love' somebody; which is probably why I often found myself unnecessarily having arguments with my ex-boyfriend over things that really shouldn't have mattered. I always knew that some of our arguments were often unnecessary and when they were I knew that I was taking things a bit too far in how I approached them and found myself constantly apologising for some of the things that I had said. I guess that part of that reason is from being in that environment where as my parents were married to one another and presumably 'in love', the way for me to show my love to someone was to constantly argue with them - which DEFINITELY isn't the case.

As they were constantly arguing with one another, this was an incredibly toxic place for me to be in and there were definitely a lot of times where I wished that they would just split up and get divorced. Admittedly, that's not what every child wants to happen to their parents, however after being in that environment for the majority of my life, it got to the point where I was just fed up of all the arguments and wanted to be able to have some calmness and tranquillity in my life. And if this meant my parents getting divorced, then so be it.

I'm not saying that having divorced parents is the best thing for everyone. Yes for me it's a slightly better situation than the one I used to be in, however having divorced parents is definitely difficult and challenging at times. You constantly feel like you are in the middle of any arguments that they do have with one another and find that one parent will tell you about all the horrible things about the other and vice versa. It's a never ending battle of feeling like you have to choose sides but not knowing which side to choose. Even though I'm glad my parents are divorced I do still wish that they were still together at times because it would make some aspects of my life a whole lot easier and less stressful and would mean that I wouldn't have to be constantly relaying messages between the two of them and having to listen to two completely different sides of the same story.

So in some aspects I wish that my parents were back together. But then I remember all the arguments and the fighting and I'm just so glad to not be in that situation anymore and am genuinely glad that my parents are divorced.

Let's get back to the question that I asked at the start of this post: is having divorced parents sometimes better?

Yes, at times it is. But is this the case for everyone? Absolutely not. I guess it just depends on your situation and whether you believe that it's better for you or not.

Let me know in the comments below what you think. Is having divorced parents sometimes better? You decide.

Love Beth xx