My Body Insecurities

We all have our insecurities; the things about ourselves that we hate and wish that we could change. We're constantly being told to be proud of the things that make us unique, but what happens when the things that make us unique are the things that we hate the most about ourselves? I mean, they're not always something that we can change and in most cases they are going to be there for the rest of our lives. But when these things cause us to feel terrible in ourselves and constantly wanting to cover them up, does that mean that if we're hiding our insecurities from others that we're living a lie? That we're trying to convince ourselves that for as long as we hide them from others that they no longer exist?

At the end of the day we all have our own insecurities from either how we see ourselves or from what some people might have pointed out to us, ranging from the way we look to how we act. I have my insecurities. You have your insecurities. Everyone has their insecurities. And today I am going to share with you my insecurities, why I'm insecure about them and why it's okay for me to embrace them as a part of who I am.

A mole on my face
One of the things that I have always been insecure about in one way or another is a mole that I have on my face. I have found that it's probably one of the first things that stands out whenever anyone first meets me or sees me in the street. I know it's something that I can get removed but when I was seven I had to have a mole removed from my leg as it was cancerous, but I wasn't put under anaesthetic and instead had some cream put on my leg and I don't really fancy having to go through that again only this time where I can see what the doctor is doing and then having a massive scar on my face for the rest of my life. I don't always wear make-up (mostly because I'd rather have a longer lie-in in the morning) but when I do I always make sure that I try and cover up my mole as much as possible so that it is a lot less noticeable. This has always been a struggle for me and I guess that I'm always worried about someone making a comment about it, which to my knowledge they haven't so far (apart from when I was younger and the people in my class would ask me what it was, or when some children ask me about it now). I get that I have moles all over my body (as do other people) but as this one is probably the biggest out of all of them and is on my face, it's quite difficult to cover up and I feel that it is always going to be the one thing that everyone first notices about me.

The hair on my arms
Another one of my insecurities that hasn't always been there predominantly until some time last year is the hair on my arms. I have always known that the hair on my arms is reasonably dark and can be considered as hairier than others but it wasn't until my ex kept on pointing this out to me that it started to become a real problem. I guess that because someone else was pointing this out to me (especially as it was someone that I loved) it made me realise that this was something that everyone could see and that it wasn't normal for me to have arms that are as hairy as they are. He was constantly pointing them out to me to the point where I was too afraid to wear anything that would show my arms (making summer a problem when it shouldn't have been). I even bought hair removal cream to get rid of the hair on my arms and even then he would make a point of claiming that I'd apparently 'shaved my arms' and that it was probably for the best. When there was no hair on my arms I felt able to wear short-sleeved shirts but as soon as the slightest bit of hair started to grow I felt really self-conscious and reverted back to wearing long-sleeves again.

Facial and body hair
Leading on from having quite hairy arms, another thing that I'm insecure about is the hair on the rest of my body and on my face. As I said above, I had always been reasonably aware of this but didn't always take too much notice of it, up until my ex started making a few comments about it that made me really start to worry about the way I look. I took pretty much the same action I did as what I used on my arms; which was to use hair removal cream on my face and on parts of my body. The particular problem is around my upper lip area and on my stomach; with the upper lip area being the most problematic because people are much more likely to see my face than my stomach and it was reasonably noticeable if you were within a certain distance to my face. My stomach hair only really becomes a problem when I wear a crop top or a bikini. Even though it's not reasonably noticeable, especially from a long distance, I still know that it's there and I always feel self-conscious about what people might say; which makes me constantly want to cover myself up, with this being almost impossible after the weather we've been having in the UK recently.

Being an introvert
Anyone who knows me will know that I'm not the most outgoing of people, nor am I the loudest. Of course there's nothing wrong with that but I often feel like people are judging me for the fact that I don't always speak up when I probably should and I don't always take part in discussions. This is partly because I'm worried about how my comments will be perceived by others and I feel as though I either won't be heard or someone else will speak over me (or both). Of course I'd love to be outgoing and extroverted and feel like I can speak up when I want to, but that's just not me. I'm much happier to hide away in the background than be the centre of attention.

My body shape
I'll admit to you now that I've never been one of the skinniest of people; however nor have I been one of the biggest. However I feel as though I've been quite insecure in what my body looks like (which probably isn't helped by the fact that I'm so small) from quite a young age. I remember in year 6 they had to weigh us and do some height checks and my weight was almost a stone bigger than most of my peers. They were all talking about what their weight was and I found myself lying, saying that I was a stone lighter than what I actually was so that no one would tease me. Then a year or two later I was at a friends house with a few others and her mum was taking us somewhere and she said that I should sit in the front because 'I was bigger than the other girls'. My immediate reaction was to think she said that because at the time I was considerably taller than the others and somehow thought that that was the reason for what she said, however as the day went on I realised that me not being able to sit in the back wouldn't be anything to do with my height and was instead because I was (and still am) considerably larger than the other girls. Even though at this point quite a few people were saying to me that they were jealous of my figure, that I was so slim, and that they wished they looked like me, I always felt like they were lying (even though I've never opened up to anyone about my weight issues). This has been an ongoing battle for more years than I care to imagine, and in the next few weeks I am aiming to have started my permanent journey to lose weight (as I have tried to lose weight before but it has never been completely successful).

My looks
I have always known that I have never been one of the most prettiest of girls on this planet, and for this reason I have always felt myself lacking in confidence. I have worn make-up since year 8/9 as a way for me to cover up my imperfections and make myself feel slightly pretty. The only time when I haven't worn make-up has either been when I've been at home all day or during most of year 13 when I just wanted a bit longer in bed (as we all do) and just couldn't be bothered with my appearance anymore as I felt that nothing could change the way in which other people saw me. But before then (and now) I couldn't leave the house without a bit of make-up on. If I didn't have that much time in the morning then I would literally just put some mascara on and if I had a few really red spots then I would try and put some concealer on as well. I constantly look down a lot as well in the hope that people can't get a proper look at my face because I'm worried that they might say stuff about it that I might either hear or just make a comment about to someone they are with - even if I can't hear them. I know that things like this shouldn't worry me as nine times out of ten I probably don't even know the person/people I walk past; but it is just something that has always been an insecurity of mine.

Looking at these, I know that some people will have the same or similar insecurities as me, or they might have completely different insecurities. But I guess that we just have to accept that they make us who we are and that we wouldn't be us without them (bit of a cliché I know). I know that I have to accept that the mole on my face, the hair on my arms, my facial and body hair, being an introvert, my body shape, and my looks are all apart of what makes me, me and that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change that. And no one who I either do or don't know should have the power to make me feel like I should change anything about me because if I did change then I wouldn't be being true to myself.

Just so that all of us can learn to love our insecurities, I would like each and every one of you reading this to name one (or more) of your insecurities in the comments below and give a reason why you love that insecurity.

No one should be made to feel that their 'insecurity' is something to be ashamed of. Instead, it is something that should be celebrated and embraced as what makes them who they are. And if anyone does make a comment about you that you might already be insecure about or makes you feel insecure about something that you weren't already (because believe me, it's happened plenty of times to me and that was by people who were meant to bring me up and not down), just remember that they may only be making a comment about it because they're jealous of you and have their own insecurities and want to try and bring you down just so to make them feel better about themselves.

Love Beth xx