Still OBSESSED with my EX - is this normal?

As I have mentioned in previous posts, me and my ex-boyfriend broke up in November last year. I have also mentioned that he was my first boyfriend and I have seen many people say before that you never forget your first love. I never doubted this for a second as I can't see myself ever forgetting anyone who ever played a part in my life as they will always hold a place in my heart, no matter whether they left a positive or negative impact on me. But ever since me and my ex broke up, even though I have completely gotten over any feelings I ever had for him for quite a few months now, I still find myself reminiscing on the time that we spent together, and how if I had acted differently or if certain events hadn't of happened, wondering whether we would still be together or not.

There isn't any part of me that wants to get back with him. He is definitely not my type and as we were really good friends before we started going out, I only went out with him because I did have genuine feelings for him and thought that our relationship could actually go somewhere. With anyone who I have ever 'talked' to before, things have always ended pretty badly for one reason or another, so I thought that with him things would be different as he was no where near the same as any of the others. At the time he seemed like a genuinely nice person who actually cared about me and I knew that he wouldn't hurt my feelings or 'play' me as others had. Anyone who is my type typically tends to be tall and sporty with brown hair. He wasn't as tall as those who I normally go for when we first started going out (although anyone is tall compared to me and he did grow quite a bit over time), not at all sporty, and had blonde hair.

Even though I am well and truly over him, I find myself constantly either thinking about him or wondering what he's doing or seeing what he's been doing on social media. Even though I only have him on one social media platform now, I guess I like to see what he's doing with his life right now. I'm not sure if this is to see who he has in his life right now or to see if he's living a better life without me (which he obviously isn't because he doesn't have me in his life anymore - I'm KIDDING) but I just like to try and keep myself updated. Obviously I do hear stuff from other people, which hasn't been anything good and he does seem to be either acting completely differently from when I was with him or he was always like this but this side of his personality has only just decided to come out. All I can say is that I'm glad that I got a glimpse of what he's actually like (to an extent) and that others have realised what he's like as well because it's not that he's not a nice person but he does brag about certain aspects of his life (for example, the fact that his family are reasonably well-off) and looks down at others who he feels are worth less than him (and for the record he is worth NOTHING).

I know that I find myself thinking about him quite often, however I'm not sure if this is because I miss him or if it's because I'm quite lonely and miss having someone around all the time and having someone to talk to late at night and when I'm feeling down. There are some things that I don't miss about having a boyfriend; such as the constant feeling of annoyance by some things that he did or finding myself getting mad at him for the smallest of things that he did (and of course the larger things). But I also miss being able to spend the majority of my time with someone who I really love and care about and being able to share and make both good and bad memories with.

But realistically, am I feeling this way because I'm lonely, or because I actually miss my ex? I think that it's a bit of both.

On the one hand, I know that I am lonely and miss having that special person in my life who I could share everything with, as well as potentially having a future with them. This also leads on to the fact that I am scared that I'm not going to meet 'the one' and that I'm going to end up on my own for the rest of my life. I get that it's easy for people to say "you're still young" or "you'll find someone soon" but all of my friends are either in long-term relationships or have boys queuing up in their inbox; whereas as I literally have nobody.

On the other hand, I guess in some ways that I do miss my ex. We were really good friends before we started going out and it's kind of a shame that we have never been able to go back to how we used to be. I guess it was also the reality of when we finished sixth form that I would never see or hear from him again. I know that deep down he's not a bad person and I think that it's fair to say that I know (or did know) him better than anyone, but it is what's on the surface that makes you judge a person - and what I can see on the surface I really don't like.

So am I still obsessed with my ex?

I'm not sure what any of you will think of whether I am still obsessed with him or not from what you've read on here, but in my opinion I don't think that I am obsessed with him in any way. Yes, I do still think about him and in some ways wish that I could change either how I acted or change some situations that happened during our time together. However I think that this is more to do with the fact that I miss having someone around who I can talk to and be around pretty much everyday and essentially share my whole life with, instead of being on my own 24/7. I think about what we did together because I miss having a boyfriend and I am ready to try and find someone else (preferably someone who is a much better match for me than he ever was). Because at the end of the day I also miss one or two other people who I was talking to and that could have led to a relationship, however never did for one reason or another. So therefore I can't necessarily be just obsessed with my ex if I still think about the others in a similar way that I do about him, because the other two were genuinely people who I could have ended up being with. So no, I'm not still obsessed with my ex, I just miss everything about being in a relationship.

Do any of you feel like this? Do you find yourself stalking your ex on social media? Do you find that you still miss him/her? Or are you like me and just purely lonely and wish you had that special someone back in your life again? I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter so please feel free to either comment them below or reach out to me in any other way. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of this page (and please tell me that I'm not alone in feeling this way). Also, please feel free to pass your own judgement on whether you think I am still obsessed with my ex or not. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this.

Love Beth xx