My First Panic Attack

*POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING*

So today I would like to talk to you all about something that is quite difficult for me to talk about and is something that I know if I spoke about to people face-to-face or just to society in general, I would be judged for as there is a stigma around it. And this subject is about my first panic attack.

It happen around April/May last year. I had my health and social care exam in a few days so I was revising for that. I remember sitting on my bed trying (and failing) to do a past paper. Then, I started to feel my chest getting tighter and I was struggling to breathe. My arms and hands started to feel numb and I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me. One minute I remember sitting on my bed, the next I was curled up in a ball on my bedroom floor, wanting someone to come and help me but I was too afraid to ask for help, too afraid that they would judge me for what was happening to me - even though it was out of my control.

At the time I had a boyfriend. I was alone when this happened but I can remember texting him once I'd started to feel like I had regained a bit of control. To be fair to him, he was reasonably good at trying to calm me down (despite saying that he had never been in that sort of situation before and had no idea on what to do) and kept on trying to find ways to make me laugh; or at least to try and get me to get out of my state of panic. But I guess that because he didn't really have a clue on what to do, any attempts that he made to try and get me to calm down failed. And any time after this when I could feel myself starting to go back into the same place as I did when I had my panic attack, he would just completely ignore how I was feeling and dismiss it as if it wasn't a major thing. It was a major thing. I guess I should probably try and see it from his perspective of maybe feeling a bit uncomfortable and being put in an impossible situation of trying to calm me down, but it's not as if I wanted to go through this and would have given anything to not have gone through that ordeal.

Panic attacks aren't something that should be dismissed. They are a very real thing that happens to many people across the world today. They are uncontrollable and occur when you least expect them to. No-one can help it if they have one and in that moment they need those around them to help try and calm them down, and NOT just think that it's nothing and that they'll 'get over it'. Panic attacks make you feel like you're losing control, but some feel like they're having a heart attack - some people even claim that they felt like they were going to die. And it's not over-exaggeration before you say it. That is genuinely how people feel and is a way that no person should ever have to feel or even experience.

I just want you to close your eyes and imagine something for a second. Imagine that you're out shopping with a group of friends. You're all laughing and having a good time and you don't see how anything could possibly go wrong. And then, all of a sudden, you feel your chest starting to get tighter and tighter. Your limbs begin to feel like jelly. You start to sweat and feel sick. You grasp onto the wall to try and steady yourself and suddenly you fall to the floor. Your friends are still walking along and laughing. They don't realise that you are no longer with them. You can't cry out for help because you're completely unaware of your surroundings. People pass by you, carrying on their day-to-day lives like they don't see you. You feel like you're slowly drowning and don't know when it's going to stop. And even when you do start to feel like you're slowly gaining control again, you have absolutely no idea what's just happened. That's a panic attack.

Don't suffer in silence. That panic attack that I had was probably one of my worst experiences to date and I would NEVER want to go through that again. Talk to people. If you suffer from panic attacks regularly, talk to someone about it. Tell them that this is what you go through and try and explain to them what they can do to help. Even if you don't suffer from panic attacks regularly but you have had them before (even if it was only one), tell someone. You need to have a good support base around you. You need to have people around you that can (to an extent) have some idea of what you are going through so that they can try their absolute best to help you with it. You might hate the idea of telling someone and believe me I understand, but having at least one person knowing what you're going through can help you massively. Even if it means talking to me about it, then please do. I would rather know that anyone who suffers from panic attacks had confided in someone they know and trust about it (or me, a complete and utter stranger but someone who is always on hand to help), instead of keeping it to themselves. And if you do need to talk to me, I am only a short DM a way.

Please don't suffer in silence.

Love Beth xx