Living With Depression Part 1

Depression is a something that a lot of people think that they have, even though they probably don't. The problem with depression is that it is linked to sadness; which is why many people think that they have it. Being sad is normally over something that has recently happened, or a past event, and thinking about it makes you sad. Having depression is when you're sad but you have absolutely no idea why you are sad. You are constantly looking over every little reason to find out why you are sad, but can't find the answer. It is so frustrating to not be able to find this reason. It's like you want to be happy and carefree and be able to enjoy your life; yet you can't.

It almost feels like when you're depressed you're a completely different person to how you normally are. It's kind of like having a split personality: there's the bright and happy side of you; and then there's the dark side of you. It's the side of you that you don't want anyone to ever see so you try to cover it up by pretending to be really happy all of the time. Most people believe this act that you are putting on. Most of the time this is a good thing because you (well for me, personally) don't want anyone to see through the act. But there are times when you do want someone to notice that something's up. It's like you want someone to care; but at the same time you just hope that no one notices that something's actually up as otherwise it's blowing your cover.

Being depressed makes you feel like you're secluded from everyone else. You want to be involved, but it always feels as though there's something that is holding you back. I always say that you are practically two people in this case: the outside you and the inside you. The outside you will be laughing and smiling with the people you're with. The inside you will be crying and wanting to go and dig yourself a hole. You just want to dig the deepest hole possible, live in it and somehow cover it up so that no one can ever see you again. You want to disappear off the surface of the earth. It doesn't sound like a very nice thing to do but it often seems like it's the only way out. There's nothing I can do to prevent that from happening; as much as I'd like to, I just can't. 

 

There are many times where you don't see the point in you being here anymore. You don't see the point in living and just think that you'd be better off dead than alive. You feel as though no one would miss you if anything ever did happen to you and you often can't see a future for yourself. Everyone's constantly asking you what you want to do with your life and you genuinely can't think of anything. That might be just because you're not too sure yet; but for me it's because I genuinely don't see myself having a future. I like to imagine myself doing really well for myself and having a really good career and earning lots of money. I'm not sure if that's just wishful thinking or if I can genuinely see that happening for myself. I would really like it to happen, but I don't see how it possibly can. I see myself as a lost cause that no one can help. I know that sounds pretty suicidal and I promise you that I would never do anything like that to myself. 

Something that people fail to realise is that people who are depressed often think about self-harm and suicide but in most cases couldn't do anything like that to themselves. I think it's because the depression makes you feel so low and pointless that it sometimes drives you to thinking like that.  There's a difference between having these thoughts about self-harm and suicide and actually wanting to go through with them. For example, if you're just thinking about self-harming, you're probably just seeing this as an option but would never actually go through with it as there is always something holding you back. Whereas, if you do actually self-harm, this means that you see it as there being no other way out and see it as a way of forgetting and getting rid of the pain that you're currently going through. 

But depression is, in general, a weird thing that drags you into a pit of despair. As much as you try to fight it, you always end up in that pit. Okay, so see it like this, you are yourself and depression is a demon. Now imagine that there are two different sides: one side involves sunshine and whatever makes you happy; the other involves complete darkness and rain. You are on the happy side and depression is on the gloomy side. Depression tries to take you over to the gloomy side. It leans over into the happy side and grabs hold of you. It keeps on trying to pull you over onto this gloomy side. You try to resist and fight back as much as you can; but it's not enough. Depression eventually takes hold of you and takes you over to the gloomy side. There are times where you occasionally manage to escape and go back over to the happy side; but depression always manages to drag you back to the gloomy side. It doesn't matter how many times you try, and occasionally succeed, to escape, you will always somehow end up on the gloomy side. 

Another thing with depression is that it often feels like there is no one you can go to to talk about your problems. You feel as though this isn't a normal thing to have as everyone around you looks so happy and content with their lives. Well, let me tell you this: more people are like you than you think. In fact, around 80,000 (0.9%) of teenagers are currently suffering with severe depression in the UK. So believe me, you're not alone in this. 

There are many times when I sit in a room full of people and see how happy they all seem to be. None of them seem to really notice that I'm there and I just feel like none of them really understand what I'm going through; when in actual fact, there are probably a few others in that room who are going through exactly the same thing as me. But it's just difficult knowing that the majority of them won't have a clue what I'm actually going through and will probably never understand. And it's always that fear that if you do open up to someone that they won't actually understand and won't seem to care or be able to give you some advice on what to do. 

I just want to let you all know that if any of you are depressed or think you might be then please reach out and talk to someone. If you do think you're depressed and google your symptoms, please make sure it's a reliable website (such as NHS if you live in the U.K.) because googling your symptoms for any form of illness can be risky and might give you the wrong information. But if you do think you're suffering from depression then go to your GP and talk to them because they're more likely to be able to give you a better diagnosis than the internet and will give you some medication (most likely anti-depressants) to try and help relieve your symptoms. I am going to be doing another post on this next week and will be talking more about the symptoms you get with depression and why it's a sign that you should be doing something about it. But in the meantime, if you want to talk to me about it then please feel free. I understand that this will be confidential so you can message me on twitter (my username is @teenagelifebeth) and the link is in the contacts tab at the top of the page. You are not alone in this.

Love Beth xx

Coping With My Parents Divorce

Divorce is a difficult time for everyone who is involved. Obviously, in my case, you've got the man and the woman who are getting divorced. But then you've also got all of the family and friends that have been there throughout the whole marriage and are now seeing this couple getting divorced. But whenever someone mentions the word 'divorce', your thoughts immediately go to the couple who are getting divorced. What not many people do think the second after they've heard the word 'divorce' is what their children (if they have any) are going through and how they're dealing with it. This is something that I want to highlight today as it is something that I've been going through for a couple of years now and I just want to stress to you what my thoughts and feelings are on the whole thing.

Divorce is a difficult time for the children that are involved. They've gone from having two parents who are together and everyone living under one roof; to having two parents who are separated and are living in two separate houses. It's kind of like the children are living two different lives. They have the life that they live with their mum and the life that they live with their dad. 

It can be very confusing at first, as it continues to be, and it can also be very stressful. I guess that people fail to realise how much of an impact this divorce has on the children and how it's affecting their lives. Has anybody bothered to ask me how I feel about my parents getting divorced? Nope. Have they asked my parents how they're coping with their divorce? Yes.

I think what people fail to realise is the emotions that all kids go through (if they're anything like me) when their parents are getting divorced. The first is anger. I was pretty angry when I found out that my parents were getting divorced. I'll admit that that might have something to do with how I found out (I found the divorce papers) but I guess that anger has a pretty big part in it. We get angry because we don't see why they're splitting up and why they couldn't just have an argument like they always do and continue to be together. The second emotion is sadness. We get upset because we've spent our whole lives with parents who are together and now they're suddenly splitting up. We were always the kid whose parents were still together; while everyone else's was either getting divorced, already had got divorced, or, for one reason or another, only had one parent. We felt like we were in this special club for kids whose parents were still together; and now we're in the divorced kids club. We don't know how we feel about that and we get upset about it because we used to have our life together and now it feels as though it's all shattered to pieces. The third emotion is betrayal. We feel betrayed by our parents because they brought us into this life together and are now going to be living apart. We feel as though we were promised our whole lives that they would be together forever, just like in fairytales. I guess that fairytales lie. And so do our parents.

I guess that the reason why our parents don't realise what we're going through is because they never had to go through this as a kid. They've lived their whole lives with their parents being together; and I guess that's why we, as kids, thought that our parents would be too. But they're not. And that's kind of one of the hardest things because you want to say to your parents that they have absolutely no idea what we're going through as kids; yet we have no idea what they're going through as adults. So it's difficult for both kids and adults to understand each other because neither knows what the other is going through: or the extremity of it.

One thing I do wish is that my friends would have a better idea of what I'm going through right now and what I've always been going through my whole life. They haven't necessarily been there with me throughout it all and, as a consequence, have no idea with what I'm going through so far with my parents divorce. They also have no idea about what I have been through with all of the events that led to my parents getting a divorce. And it's difficult because it's hard to explain to them what I am going through personally and how I really feel about everything. I try to bring up the courage to tell them but every time I think about it, I feel myself having a mental breakdown and have to stop myself from thinking about this whole giant mess. I want to tell my parents as well but it's for the same reasons really. I know it would be for the best for me to let all of my feelings out; but I just can't. I physically and mentally can't do it. I wish I could, but I can't. 

I also guess that at some point throughout the whole divorce process, that quite a lot of kids think, is that this divorce means that you get twice the amount of presents at Christmas and on your birthday. This is pretty true and is probably the only bonus of your parents getting a divorce. It's almost as if all of these presents are like consolation prizes for your parents getting/being divorced. This whole 'twice the amount of presents' thing is what quite a few of my friends said to me when they first found out about my parents getting divorced. That kind of made me happy in that moment because it made me think that everything was going to be okay. I guess that in the end, everything will be okay; but it's difficult for me to comprehend this. 

So parents, if you're reading this and are getting divorced, please realise that it's not just you that is going through a lot during this difficult time. It's your kids as well. Even though it might seem that they are coping with this really well, trust me, they're not. It doesn't matter what age your kids are, they will all be finding this process really difficult to deal with and to try and come to terms to. Even after your divorce has been finalised, they still probably won't be coping with it that well. They might be coping slightly better than they are now; but it won't all be that much better. So, please, try and talk to your kids about how they're feeling. They might say that they're okay with everything; but trust me, they're not. And try and keep them in the loop with everything that's going on and answer any questions they have on this matter completely truthfully. Speaking from experience, there is nothing worse than knowing that your parents are getting divorced but not knowing where they are in the divorce or what's going on. I get that you probably can't tell them everything, but please try and tell them as much as you can. I hate not knowing what's going on with my parents divorce and I guess it's kind of making it a lot harder for me to understand what's actually going on. So please, I beg, talk to your kids and find out what's going on with them. And also, try not to argue with the other parent in front of them as it just makes everything a whole lot worse. And don't make them take sides because it's really not fair on them. Trust me, I know. I'm still going through it.

Love Beth xx

Stigma Around Mental Health

 

Since I have got a variety of different social media platforms, which I have been using for a number of years now, and have become more aware about mental health, as well as tackling my own problems with it, I have become increasingly aware about the stigma that surrounds mental health. This isn't a new thing and definitely isn't going to go away over night. It pains me to see that so many people going through these problems are being told that they don't actually have any problems and that it's just in their head.

But isn't that what mental health is? It's called mental health because it's the psychological problems that you have in your brain. Okay, so they're not visible. But so what? 

It's like that saying: 'you don't know what goes on behind closed doors'. Everything could seem to be fine to everyone around you; but you are secretly fighting your own battles with mental health that no one knows about. And that's okay. None of this is your fault.

But it's some of the words that are said and are involved with the stigma of mental health that can hurt people the most. This includes words such as FAKE, WEIRDO, ATTENTION SEEKER; on top of many others. This is not okay.

For someone to say that someone going through a mental health problem is being fake, then that person must have a serious problem. Why would anyone want to make these problems up? Which brings me on to the next word: attention seeker. If you think that someone is claiming to have mental health problems just to get attention then they're really not. For example, if you think that someone is self-harming just to get a bit of attention then you really have no idea what that person is (or was) going through. They self-harm because they have been hurt that much and genuinely feel like there is no other way out. They also believe that self-harming will take the pain away from what has been hurting them and will focus their attention on to something else. And if you're calling that person a weirdo just because they have mental health problems, then I can promise you that they're not. They're dealing with their own battles and don't want to share them with anyone. They're actually a special kind of person who needs to be shown that they are loved and that it is okay for them to speak out about their problems without the fear of being judged: which the stigma around mental health doesn't exactly help.

So I ask you now to quit with your stigma around mental health. It just makes talking about it so much more difficult because people are always going to judge you for it. It's acceptable to talk about your physical problems; so why isn't it acceptable to talk about your mental problems? They're both just as equally important and I think that more people need to talk about it in order to get this message across. You can say as many words about it as you want, but what if one of your family or friends is going through this but they're too afraid to talk to you about it because you think that it's stupid?

Love Beth xx