There are many reasons why we should all sign up to donate blood. I am one of many people who is signed up to donate blood, however have never actually donated blood myself. I get that this can mean that anything I say in this post will make me a hypocrite as I haven't actually donated blood, however this is due to a few different factors that have, in some ways, prevented me from being able to actually donate, but can also be seen as me being a coward (which I am).
I guess the main reason why I haven't actually donated blood is that I'm scared. I'm scared of what is going to happen, even though I know that nothing bad is going to happen to me while I'm there. They even give you a free cup of tea and some biscuits while you're there for crying out loud (even though I don't actually like tea so an extra biscuit or two will do), so they're hardly going to do anything to you that could harm you in any way. Another reason is that the town that I live in is very small and in a rural area, so in order for me to actually donate blood I would have to go elsewhere as they no longer carry out blood donations in my town. I have only recently passed my driving test so haven't really been able to go anywhere else without having to rely on someone else for a lift. Plus the fact that the bus service in my town is shocking and even if I was able to get to wherever I needed to go to donate blood, it is questionable over whether or not I would be able to make it home (and vice versa).
But these are all just excuses. They are excuses that I have forced myself to believe are the reason as to why I haven't actually donated any blood yet because we would all rather force ourselves to believe a lie than to believe the truth in some cases. I know that I need to donate blood as I shouldn't just sign up to something as important as this if I'm not actually going to do anything about it. I mean, donating blood helps to save lives for crying out loud! I could be the reason why someone doesn't get to live, all because of my stupid excuses for not donating blood. However if I did donate blood then I could be the reason why someone's life was saved. And if I had the choice between the two I would much rather be the reason for someone being able to live their life than the reason why they ended up losing it.
I have my own reasons why I signed up to donate blood and I am genuinely disappointed in myself for not having donated blood given what could have happened. There was a couple of occasions where my mum, for one reason or another, had lost a lot of blood and needed a blood transfusion in order to survive. In both of those instances if it hadn't of been for the kind-heartedness and generosity of some complete and utter strangers in donating their blood, then it is questionable over whether or not my mum would actually be alive today. If this doesn't give me a good enough reason to actually get off my arse, go somewhere where I can donate blood and actually donate my blood, then I don't know what is.
Each time you donate blood you could be responsible for saving three lives. Every time you donate, you donate one unit of blood, which is 350ml to a healthy person that weighs at least 50kg (about 7 stone 12 lbs) and is aged between 17 and 66 years old. You can only donate blood once every three months. That means that in a year you could be responsible for saving 12 lives. In your lifetime alone you have the potential to save over 588 lives (forgive me if I have gotten the maths completely wrong). That is just YOU on your own. That is an incredible number of lives that could be saved.
The fact that ONE person could save over 588 lives in just one lifetime truly astonishes me. In fact, writing this post alone has encouraged me to actually go ahead and donate blood. If I can do it, then you can too. Here is the link where you can see if you are eligible in the UK to donate blood and to actually be able to sign up and find your nearest place to go and donate blood. If you don't live in the UK then I suggest that you find out where in your country you are able to do this, as every single drop of blood that leaves your body counts towards saving a life.
I know that I would rather be the person that helped save a life than the person who ended one. Wouldn't you?
Love Beth xx
Sunday 24 February 2019
Sunday 17 February 2019
To the Guy who Betrayed my Trust
I know we never really properly met, but there was a time where for some unknown reason I trusted you. Looking back on it now, it was my fault that what happened happened because if I hadn't of done what I did then none of this would have happened. Yes, I did feel ever so slightly forced into doing certain things at times, however it was my decision to go through with it and if I hadn't of then maybe this sort of thing wouldn't have happened. Or maybe it would. Who knows?
You betrayed my trust for reasons that I can not mention on here, however you know exactly what you did and it doesn't matter how many times you have told me you're sorry, I just don't believe that you actually mean it or know what you are saying sorry for. You may think that saying sorry is all you need to do to make things okay, but believe me you need to do a lot more than that in order to attempt to repair the damage that you have done. In fact, I don't think that there is anything you can do to repair the damage that you did to me.
I'm guessing that you have absolutely no idea how I felt at the time that all of this came out. Well let me tell you that you made me feel completely and utterly worthless and that I would no longer be able to leave my house or show my face anywhere ever again. I even considered moving away just so that I wouldn't have to face anyone because I didn't know who did/didn't know about what had happened. I couldn't even face myself over what had happened. I couldn't look in the mirror. I've found myself not being able to be in pictures with other people (or just on my own) because I knew that what people could see in those pictures wasn't just what they had been able to see. And even though there might not have been nothing wrong with those photos, I just couldn't face being in any where they might end up online because I couldn't bear the thought of people being able to look at me in a different way. In a way that was only meant for me and an incredibly minor amount of people to be able to see me.
Some people might have thought that this sort of thing happening wouldn't affect anyone to the extent that it has affected me, however believe me when I say that it has affected me in more ways than you could possibly imagine. You have stopped me from being able to trust anyone ever again with this sort of thing (and even things no where near as private as this). I had trust issues anyway but you have completely ruined me. I can't talk to anyone without thinking that they're going to do the same or similar to me, just like you did. Even with those who I know would NEVER do anything like that to me or anyone else, I still feel like there is always a chance that they could do the same.
I want to rip my own skin off. That is how you've made me feel. I want to rip my skin off, erase my memory, become a completely different person and pretend that this never happened. Of course, I know I can't do that, however if the opportunity was there then I would definitely take it.
You may say that you're sorry. In fact, I've lost count of how many times you've told me that you're sorry. But sorry doesn't make up for what you did. Sorry doesn't make what happened disappear. Sorry doesn't enable me to forget about what happened. But you just keep on coming back to tell me that you're sorry, even though I've already accepted your apology and we agreed to move on with our lives. But you keep on trying to allow the same thing to happen over and over again and then make it out like you could ruin me if I didn't do as you said. Well please feel free to try that, but as far as I'm concerned you can just go and live your pathetic little life and you can keep me out of it. I feel like I'm just starting to get into a place where I want to be, which means keeping you and all of the other bad people out of my life and the good ones in. So I hope that this is goodbye and that I never have to see or hear from you again as long as the two of us live.
Love Beth xx
I want to rip my own skin off. That is how you've made me feel. I want to rip my skin off, erase my memory, become a completely different person and pretend that this never happened. Of course, I know I can't do that, however if the opportunity was there then I would definitely take it.
You may say that you're sorry. In fact, I've lost count of how many times you've told me that you're sorry. But sorry doesn't make up for what you did. Sorry doesn't make what happened disappear. Sorry doesn't enable me to forget about what happened. But you just keep on coming back to tell me that you're sorry, even though I've already accepted your apology and we agreed to move on with our lives. But you keep on trying to allow the same thing to happen over and over again and then make it out like you could ruin me if I didn't do as you said. Well please feel free to try that, but as far as I'm concerned you can just go and live your pathetic little life and you can keep me out of it. I feel like I'm just starting to get into a place where I want to be, which means keeping you and all of the other bad people out of my life and the good ones in. So I hope that this is goodbye and that I never have to see or hear from you again as long as the two of us live.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 10 February 2019
Why Lessons on Mental Health Should be Taught in Schools
Having recently left school and gone on to university where I am studying to potentially work in the education system, one thing that I noticed throughout my entire time in education is that lessons on mental health were one of the many things that were absent from the curriculum. As someone who suffers from bad mental health problems herself, this is particularly worrying as the people who have bad mental health feel like they are suffering in silence and those who don't aren't aware of the struggle that they go through day-in and day-out. I believe that if lessons in mental health were a part of the curriculum then everyone would be more aware of why more attention needs to be placed on mental health, and here's why:
One thing that I noticed during my time in school was that there was never any indication of where any of us could go if we were suffering from mental health problems and needed someone to talk to. Whether that be in school or being indicated to other mental health services, I never knew who I could go and talk to when I really needed someone there. Obviously I have friends and family, however I don't necessarily want them knowing the full extent of what I'm going through and how I'm feeling and also felt that I might need someone with more of a professional stance to give me their ideas of some coping methods I could adopt in order to try and help me overcome what I was (and at times still am) going through. I think that if lessons on mental health had been taught in my school then I might have known who I could turn to for help when I really needed it instead of feeling alone in how I was feeling and with no one to turn to.
I also noticed that there was never any real conversation surrounding the issue of mental health problems and it was almost as if no one should ever mention that they have them because then the school would actually have to 'do something' about it. There was plenty of conversation about people dealing with physical problems, such as a broken arm or dislocating their knee, and everyone was always quick to show their sympathies if someone had been hurt and would always want to be the first person to sign the cast, however as soon as anyone displayed any signs of having a mental health problem they were instantly labelled as being weird and no one was interested in being anywhere near them. If we had had at least a couple of lessons on mental health, showing the signs and symptoms and what other people could do to help those with mental health problems, then maybe there would be less of a stigma surrounding this issue and no one would be so quick to judge.
Another reason is that young people dealing with mental health problems is a very real issue. This can be due to things such as exams which create an extreme amount of pressure on young people, despite many deeming them as 'snowflakes' just for saying that they can't cope with the pressure. Well let me tell you that the pressure is real and these so-called 'snowflakes' aren't just making up how much pressure they're under just to try and get people to feel sorry for them. If more lessons on mental health were taught in schools then maybe young people would have a better idea of what it is that they are going through, how they can cope, and the people that they can talk to about it. If young people had this sort of support and guidance being shown to them then maybe they would be able to open up a bigger discussion about it and feel more comfortable talking about their emotions. However it is those people who deem them to be 'snowflakes' and make out that anything that they are dealing with as a lot less important than what others are going through that stop them from having these discussions and feel as though they have to bottle everything up as their emotions are unimportant.
As the majority of people are likely to deal with some form of mental health problem at some point during their lifetime, young people should be fully prepared for this by being taught about mental health in school. After all, isn't school meant to be about teaching children about the world and to prepare them for things they might have to deal with in the future? And surely making them aware of their mental health is more important than teaching them quadratic formulas and Pythagoras theorem (which, by the way, I haven't had to use since sitting my maths GCSE almost three years ago).
I just think that the entire education system needs to have a complete revamp and needs to look at what they are teaching children and whether or not this is actually going to benefit them or not. Maybe some people do use quadratic formulas in their work but I certainly can't really remember what they are and maybe the teaching of these should be saved for the training of the jobs that involve this sort of thing. Whereas mental health is a very real problem that many people deal with on a daily basis and if lessons on this were taught in schools then it would help in raising the awareness of the issues that poor mental health can cause and how this can be helped.
This is a link to get mental health on the school curriculum. At the time of writing this there is currently 186,147 signatures out of a goal of 200,000. I would really appreciate it if you could click on the link and sign it and share it with your followers and once you've done this, if you could comment 'signed' in the comments below so that I can see how many of you have signed it from reading this post. Or if you have already signed it then please feel free to share it with your followers again to try and encourage more people to sign it so that something can be done to get mental health on the school curriculum.
Love Beth xx
One thing that I noticed during my time in school was that there was never any indication of where any of us could go if we were suffering from mental health problems and needed someone to talk to. Whether that be in school or being indicated to other mental health services, I never knew who I could go and talk to when I really needed someone there. Obviously I have friends and family, however I don't necessarily want them knowing the full extent of what I'm going through and how I'm feeling and also felt that I might need someone with more of a professional stance to give me their ideas of some coping methods I could adopt in order to try and help me overcome what I was (and at times still am) going through. I think that if lessons on mental health had been taught in my school then I might have known who I could turn to for help when I really needed it instead of feeling alone in how I was feeling and with no one to turn to.
I also noticed that there was never any real conversation surrounding the issue of mental health problems and it was almost as if no one should ever mention that they have them because then the school would actually have to 'do something' about it. There was plenty of conversation about people dealing with physical problems, such as a broken arm or dislocating their knee, and everyone was always quick to show their sympathies if someone had been hurt and would always want to be the first person to sign the cast, however as soon as anyone displayed any signs of having a mental health problem they were instantly labelled as being weird and no one was interested in being anywhere near them. If we had had at least a couple of lessons on mental health, showing the signs and symptoms and what other people could do to help those with mental health problems, then maybe there would be less of a stigma surrounding this issue and no one would be so quick to judge.
Another reason is that young people dealing with mental health problems is a very real issue. This can be due to things such as exams which create an extreme amount of pressure on young people, despite many deeming them as 'snowflakes' just for saying that they can't cope with the pressure. Well let me tell you that the pressure is real and these so-called 'snowflakes' aren't just making up how much pressure they're under just to try and get people to feel sorry for them. If more lessons on mental health were taught in schools then maybe young people would have a better idea of what it is that they are going through, how they can cope, and the people that they can talk to about it. If young people had this sort of support and guidance being shown to them then maybe they would be able to open up a bigger discussion about it and feel more comfortable talking about their emotions. However it is those people who deem them to be 'snowflakes' and make out that anything that they are dealing with as a lot less important than what others are going through that stop them from having these discussions and feel as though they have to bottle everything up as their emotions are unimportant.
As the majority of people are likely to deal with some form of mental health problem at some point during their lifetime, young people should be fully prepared for this by being taught about mental health in school. After all, isn't school meant to be about teaching children about the world and to prepare them for things they might have to deal with in the future? And surely making them aware of their mental health is more important than teaching them quadratic formulas and Pythagoras theorem (which, by the way, I haven't had to use since sitting my maths GCSE almost three years ago).
I just think that the entire education system needs to have a complete revamp and needs to look at what they are teaching children and whether or not this is actually going to benefit them or not. Maybe some people do use quadratic formulas in their work but I certainly can't really remember what they are and maybe the teaching of these should be saved for the training of the jobs that involve this sort of thing. Whereas mental health is a very real problem that many people deal with on a daily basis and if lessons on this were taught in schools then it would help in raising the awareness of the issues that poor mental health can cause and how this can be helped.
This is a link to get mental health on the school curriculum. At the time of writing this there is currently 186,147 signatures out of a goal of 200,000. I would really appreciate it if you could click on the link and sign it and share it with your followers and once you've done this, if you could comment 'signed' in the comments below so that I can see how many of you have signed it from reading this post. Or if you have already signed it then please feel free to share it with your followers again to try and encourage more people to sign it so that something can be done to get mental health on the school curriculum.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 3 February 2019
What I Wish My Ex had Known about My Mental Health
As regular readers will know, I suffer from mental health issues (anxiety and depression) which is something that has affected my life for a number of years now. This affects many aspects of my life, one of which is my relationships with people.
I had a boyfriend throughout 2017, which was a time when my mental health was particularly low. Not as low as it had been in previous years, but low enough for it to have a significant effect on my relationship.
As you may or may not know, I like to keep this blog pretty anonymous, so even though you know my first name, that and everything that I write on here is all you know about me. You don't know my last name, where I live, what school I went to, or anything else about my life. Most importantly, no one who does know that stuff about me knows about this blog (or at least to my knowledge they don't). So this is my kind of safe haven where I feel safe to post things about my life that I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable telling people who know me face-to-face. This is why my ex didn't really know that much about my mental health, or what I was having to deal with on a daily basis. So today I thought I'd tell you all everything I wish that he had known about my mental health so that your relationship doesn't suffer like mine did.
One of the things about having a partner is that you are meant to feel able to tell them about each and every aspect of your life and they are the one person that knows anything and everything about you. However with my ex, even though I felt as though I could tell him pretty much everything about me, I didn't feel that I could tell him about my mental health. I guess this was because I had never felt the need to open up to anyone else about it, so why would he be any different?
There was one time when I let my guard down a little bit and kind of let onto him what living with anxiety is like. I was looking through Facebook one day and found a quote about anxiety that I instantly related to, so decided to send it to him so that he was aware that this is something that I live with in the hope that he could somehow understand why I am the way I am. The quote itself was "anxiety makes you sit there and overthink every single thing. At times it makes you think people in your life are leaving you. You begin to feel abandoned, and not worth anything because the most important person/people in your life don't want you. You push them away so they can't discard you or leave you. When in reality, nobody was ever leaving. Anxiety this bad makes you leave the ones you love. It sucks". This was because at the time I was feeling the need to push people away because I'm used to people leaving me for other people and being the last person that people think about and feel as though if I'm the one to push them away, even though I don't want to, then I am in control. Of course, this wasn't (and still isn't) the case.
I guess that part of the problem was the fact that I felt that if I told him about what I was going through he would go and tell other people about it. May that be his parents, our friends, people from school, my parents, members of his family, members of my family, and I just didn't want any of them to know. It's not that I'm ashamed of what it is that I'm going through, it's just that I'm the sort of person that doesn't want to feel as though they've let people down (although let's face it, no one wants to feel like that) and I feel that if I admit to those people that I do have mental health problems then they will feel that they have failed me as my parents, family, and friends to stop me from having these problems. Even though I know that none of this was caused by them, I think that they might feel that way if I tell them.
What I wish he had known was how I was really feeling as even though I now know that he was completely the wrong person for me and the timing of our relationship was possibly one of the worst in terms of how I was feeling at the time, he would have had a better understanding of what was going on with me and would have been able to help me to an extent. I know that he wouldn't have been able to stop me from feeling the way I was feeling, however if I had at least opened up to him then he would have understood why I was acting the way I was acting. He would have known why I couldn't make certain social events instead of trying to lie about why I couldn't go or trying to find a reason to leave once I was there.
Having mental health problems suck. My anxiety makes me overthink every little thing possible and my depression makes me want to live a sheltered life and never leave my house (or my bed). Both of these factors applied to my relationship as not only did I feel that I had to hide them from my partner, but looking back on it they affected my relationship more than I originally thought. It wasn't just due to nights out, it was when there was the smallest possible problem with the two of us and I would be constantly overthinking it to the point where I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I found that I was having to convince myself that things were alright and that I was just overthinking the whole situation, which once I had come to my senses I realised wasn't true.
What I learnt from this experience was that in a relationship you need to be honest with each other about everything, particularly the things that are going to really affect the direction that your relationship goes in. I wish that my ex had known how I was really feeling because maybe then we could both have a better understanding of each other and would have been able to sort things out much sooner instead of neither of us not having a proper understanding of what was going on with the other person and why things had gotten the way they had.
I guess what I'm trying to say is make sure you are honest with your partner about how you are really feeling and the problems you are going through, whether that be to do with your mental health or otherwise. The only way they can fully understand you is if you are completely open and honest with them as if you don't then you are essentially trying to be someone you're not and that's not the person your partner fell in love with. Your partner needs to properly get to know the person you are, and if that means telling them about your mental health problems then so be it. I'm not saying you should tell them about it on the first date, but maybe when you realise that it's starting to go somewhere and when you feel comfortable, tell them. Any decent person should want to support you and shouldn't make you feel small for what you are going through. I understand in some instances that some people might feel that they aren't able to support you in the way that you might need to be supported, and in some cases I can understand their decision to walk away, as long as they are honest about it. But if they are nasty about it in any way then they clearly weren't the right person for you and it should be a good thing if they end up walking away.
Just remember to not let your mental health define who you are and to not let anyone make you feel bad for the way you are feeling.
Love Beth xx
I had a boyfriend throughout 2017, which was a time when my mental health was particularly low. Not as low as it had been in previous years, but low enough for it to have a significant effect on my relationship.
As you may or may not know, I like to keep this blog pretty anonymous, so even though you know my first name, that and everything that I write on here is all you know about me. You don't know my last name, where I live, what school I went to, or anything else about my life. Most importantly, no one who does know that stuff about me knows about this blog (or at least to my knowledge they don't). So this is my kind of safe haven where I feel safe to post things about my life that I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable telling people who know me face-to-face. This is why my ex didn't really know that much about my mental health, or what I was having to deal with on a daily basis. So today I thought I'd tell you all everything I wish that he had known about my mental health so that your relationship doesn't suffer like mine did.
One of the things about having a partner is that you are meant to feel able to tell them about each and every aspect of your life and they are the one person that knows anything and everything about you. However with my ex, even though I felt as though I could tell him pretty much everything about me, I didn't feel that I could tell him about my mental health. I guess this was because I had never felt the need to open up to anyone else about it, so why would he be any different?
There was one time when I let my guard down a little bit and kind of let onto him what living with anxiety is like. I was looking through Facebook one day and found a quote about anxiety that I instantly related to, so decided to send it to him so that he was aware that this is something that I live with in the hope that he could somehow understand why I am the way I am. The quote itself was "anxiety makes you sit there and overthink every single thing. At times it makes you think people in your life are leaving you. You begin to feel abandoned, and not worth anything because the most important person/people in your life don't want you. You push them away so they can't discard you or leave you. When in reality, nobody was ever leaving. Anxiety this bad makes you leave the ones you love. It sucks". This was because at the time I was feeling the need to push people away because I'm used to people leaving me for other people and being the last person that people think about and feel as though if I'm the one to push them away, even though I don't want to, then I am in control. Of course, this wasn't (and still isn't) the case.
I guess that part of the problem was the fact that I felt that if I told him about what I was going through he would go and tell other people about it. May that be his parents, our friends, people from school, my parents, members of his family, members of my family, and I just didn't want any of them to know. It's not that I'm ashamed of what it is that I'm going through, it's just that I'm the sort of person that doesn't want to feel as though they've let people down (although let's face it, no one wants to feel like that) and I feel that if I admit to those people that I do have mental health problems then they will feel that they have failed me as my parents, family, and friends to stop me from having these problems. Even though I know that none of this was caused by them, I think that they might feel that way if I tell them.
What I wish he had known was how I was really feeling as even though I now know that he was completely the wrong person for me and the timing of our relationship was possibly one of the worst in terms of how I was feeling at the time, he would have had a better understanding of what was going on with me and would have been able to help me to an extent. I know that he wouldn't have been able to stop me from feeling the way I was feeling, however if I had at least opened up to him then he would have understood why I was acting the way I was acting. He would have known why I couldn't make certain social events instead of trying to lie about why I couldn't go or trying to find a reason to leave once I was there.
Having mental health problems suck. My anxiety makes me overthink every little thing possible and my depression makes me want to live a sheltered life and never leave my house (or my bed). Both of these factors applied to my relationship as not only did I feel that I had to hide them from my partner, but looking back on it they affected my relationship more than I originally thought. It wasn't just due to nights out, it was when there was the smallest possible problem with the two of us and I would be constantly overthinking it to the point where I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I found that I was having to convince myself that things were alright and that I was just overthinking the whole situation, which once I had come to my senses I realised wasn't true.
What I learnt from this experience was that in a relationship you need to be honest with each other about everything, particularly the things that are going to really affect the direction that your relationship goes in. I wish that my ex had known how I was really feeling because maybe then we could both have a better understanding of each other and would have been able to sort things out much sooner instead of neither of us not having a proper understanding of what was going on with the other person and why things had gotten the way they had.
I guess what I'm trying to say is make sure you are honest with your partner about how you are really feeling and the problems you are going through, whether that be to do with your mental health or otherwise. The only way they can fully understand you is if you are completely open and honest with them as if you don't then you are essentially trying to be someone you're not and that's not the person your partner fell in love with. Your partner needs to properly get to know the person you are, and if that means telling them about your mental health problems then so be it. I'm not saying you should tell them about it on the first date, but maybe when you realise that it's starting to go somewhere and when you feel comfortable, tell them. Any decent person should want to support you and shouldn't make you feel small for what you are going through. I understand in some instances that some people might feel that they aren't able to support you in the way that you might need to be supported, and in some cases I can understand their decision to walk away, as long as they are honest about it. But if they are nasty about it in any way then they clearly weren't the right person for you and it should be a good thing if they end up walking away.
Just remember to not let your mental health define who you are and to not let anyone make you feel bad for the way you are feeling.
Love Beth xx
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