Hey everyone!
As most of you who are regular readers of my blog will know, I have been writing about how I have anxiety and what I go through each day because of it. I know one or two of you have commented on my posts or said stuff about it on twitter and you've all been so kind and I want to thank you for your support (sends virtual hug).
One thing that I get because of anxiety is paranoia. I constantly feel paranoid that someone is talking about me. That's why I always feel the need to stay in a room and be the last one to leave, or leave with everyone else, so that I know they're not talking about me.
Recently there was a school trip to France and Belgium which I didn't go on. However, the other night I was lying in bed, while they were on the trip, and got really paranoid that they would be talking about me. I don't know why that is as I'm a quiet person and I don't see why people would want to talk about me. However, I was convinced that they would all, or most of them (especially the girls), would be talking about me.
Today, for example, I went to the pub for lunch with my mum, brothers, nan and grandad. At one point my mum sent me to go with my grandad to go and get some drinks. I got really paranoid that my mum would start talking about me to my nan while I was gone. I was too scared to leave. But I still went to help my grandad anyway. I don't think she did talk about me.
I know I shouldn't get paranoid but I can't help it. If I ever hear my name, even though they could be talking about or to the person with the same name as me, or hear something that sounds like my name even though it isn't, I automatically jump to the conclusion that they're talking about me and I get so paranoid. Having paranoia and anxiety is affecting my dad-to-day life and it's not fair!
I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets paranoid from time to time (or in my case all the time) so please leave a comment below or mention/dm me on twitter (@teenagelifebeth) and tell me about how having anxiety or paranoia affects your life.
If you have any ways that help you control it please let me know as it would be a massive favour to me and I will be forever grateful to you as I'm starting to hate my life when my anxiety gets really bad as there's nothing I can do to control it.
That's it from me! Look out for Saturday's post for a Halloween special (don't know what it's going to be about but something Halloween based).
Thank you for reading and don't forget to comment below and also comment if there's any issues/topics that you want me to cover in my posts - I'm open for any suggestions.
Love Beth xx
Wednesday 28 October 2015
Saturday 24 October 2015
Anxiety and Me
So a couple of weeks ago, those of you who read it will know I wrote a post about living with social anxiety. I shared with you what it's like to have to live with it and felt a whole lot better having shared it with you. Well today, I want to share with you what happened to me on Thursday. If you follow me on twitter, you might know what I'm getting at.
So on Thursday, my bus was 10 minutes late. When it eventually arrived, I was relieved that it meant I wouldn't be late to school and have to walk into class late. How wrong I was!
When the bus got into town, it decided to go to the other school first instead of mine. At this point I had about 5 minutes until school started. I knew I would be late because it takes about 10 minutes to get to the other school and then go to mine.
When we got to the bottom of the road that leads up to the other school, there was a long que of traffic because the road is very narrow and there were loads of other buses going to and from the school.
When we eventually got to the school I go to, it was 5 to 9, 10 minutes into lessons. So I had to go to reception to sign in and then go to class.
Only when I got to class, I couldn't walk in. Why? Because I started having an anxiety attack. And it was horrible.
I was stood outside my classroom with my heart racing (kind of like when you've just done a race). My stomach and chest felt like they were getting tighter and I was finding it slightly difficult to breathe. I was on the verge of crying and all the noises around me (teachers talking, people walking around downstairs) seemed to be louder than usual. I was leaning against the wall for 5 or 10 minutes, trying to get myself together.
The reason why I eventually walked into my class? Because I heard someone walking up the stairs towards me and I literally had to calm myself down and walk into class like nothing had happened. I kind of felt stupid afterwards because my teacher didn't really say anything about me being late like some teachers do.
However, it was kind of awkward because I heard some whispers around the room like 'why is she late?' and I just had to sit there and pretend nothing had happened, despite the fact my heart was still racing and at times I felt like I was going to cry.
Since then, I've been alright but anytime I walk past someone or they walk past me or if they're walking behind me, I always feel like they're talking about me. I know they're probably not but it's horrible and it's making my last year of school horrible. I would leave but there's no point.
Have any of you any experienced anything like this before? Share your experiences of anxiety or anything else that you want to share in the comments below because it really does help. Writing this now, I feel a whole lot better.
Remember, if you don't want to share it for everyone to see, you can always DM me privately on twitter (@teenagelifebeth) and I will help you in anyway I can.
Thank you for reading
Love Beth xx
So on Thursday, my bus was 10 minutes late. When it eventually arrived, I was relieved that it meant I wouldn't be late to school and have to walk into class late. How wrong I was!
When the bus got into town, it decided to go to the other school first instead of mine. At this point I had about 5 minutes until school started. I knew I would be late because it takes about 10 minutes to get to the other school and then go to mine.
When we got to the bottom of the road that leads up to the other school, there was a long que of traffic because the road is very narrow and there were loads of other buses going to and from the school.
When we eventually got to the school I go to, it was 5 to 9, 10 minutes into lessons. So I had to go to reception to sign in and then go to class.
Only when I got to class, I couldn't walk in. Why? Because I started having an anxiety attack. And it was horrible.
I was stood outside my classroom with my heart racing (kind of like when you've just done a race). My stomach and chest felt like they were getting tighter and I was finding it slightly difficult to breathe. I was on the verge of crying and all the noises around me (teachers talking, people walking around downstairs) seemed to be louder than usual. I was leaning against the wall for 5 or 10 minutes, trying to get myself together.
The reason why I eventually walked into my class? Because I heard someone walking up the stairs towards me and I literally had to calm myself down and walk into class like nothing had happened. I kind of felt stupid afterwards because my teacher didn't really say anything about me being late like some teachers do.
However, it was kind of awkward because I heard some whispers around the room like 'why is she late?' and I just had to sit there and pretend nothing had happened, despite the fact my heart was still racing and at times I felt like I was going to cry.
Since then, I've been alright but anytime I walk past someone or they walk past me or if they're walking behind me, I always feel like they're talking about me. I know they're probably not but it's horrible and it's making my last year of school horrible. I would leave but there's no point.
Have any of you any experienced anything like this before? Share your experiences of anxiety or anything else that you want to share in the comments below because it really does help. Writing this now, I feel a whole lot better.
Remember, if you don't want to share it for everyone to see, you can always DM me privately on twitter (@teenagelifebeth) and I will help you in anyway I can.
Thank you for reading
Love Beth xx
Monday 19 October 2015
Feminism
Okay, so I know it's Monday and I normally post on Saturday's but something has been bought up today and yesterday that I felt that need to tell you all about. And that is feminism.
As a woman (well, teenage girl) I would say that yes, I am indeed a feminist. I'm sure, and in fact know, that there are many other women out there who are also feminists. What I don't get, however, is how a woman cannot be a feminist.
There's this girl in my year who posted on her snapchat story yesterday "feminism shouldn't be legal, fuck women' and the laughing emoji. WHY?!?!?!?!?
I think the problem with people against feminism is that they don't know the differences between feminism and extreme feminism. If you're one of those people who doesn't know the difference, I'm going to tell you now:
A FEMINIST is someone who supports women's rights on the ground of equality of men and women.
An EXTREME FEMINIST is someone who is sexist towards men and wants women to be better than men (so basically doesn't want equality between the two).
I hope those definitions make sense. If not, I'm really sorry. In my defence I am bad at explaining things.
Anyway, my point is that it's okay to be a feminist and I don't get why people are so against it. I don't know if it's because they don't know the difference between feminism and extreme feminism or if they're against feminism in general, but it's not a bad thing.
I know today's post has been really short, but remember I don't normally update on Monday's. My main blog post should be on Saturday so look after that.
If you want to have your say and share your views on feminism, please don't be afraid to leave a comment below. And if you want to ask me anything personally, please feel free to DM me on twitter ~ @teenagelifebeth
Love Beth xx
As a woman (well, teenage girl) I would say that yes, I am indeed a feminist. I'm sure, and in fact know, that there are many other women out there who are also feminists. What I don't get, however, is how a woman cannot be a feminist.
There's this girl in my year who posted on her snapchat story yesterday "feminism shouldn't be legal, fuck women' and the laughing emoji. WHY?!?!?!?!?
I think the problem with people against feminism is that they don't know the differences between feminism and extreme feminism. If you're one of those people who doesn't know the difference, I'm going to tell you now:
A FEMINIST is someone who supports women's rights on the ground of equality of men and women.
An EXTREME FEMINIST is someone who is sexist towards men and wants women to be better than men (so basically doesn't want equality between the two).
I hope those definitions make sense. If not, I'm really sorry. In my defence I am bad at explaining things.
Anyway, my point is that it's okay to be a feminist and I don't get why people are so against it. I don't know if it's because they don't know the difference between feminism and extreme feminism or if they're against feminism in general, but it's not a bad thing.
I know today's post has been really short, but remember I don't normally update on Monday's. My main blog post should be on Saturday so look after that.
If you want to have your say and share your views on feminism, please don't be afraid to leave a comment below. And if you want to ask me anything personally, please feel free to DM me on twitter ~ @teenagelifebeth
Love Beth xx
Saturday 17 October 2015
Let's Stand Up To Cancer
So, I know that this month is Cancer Awareness month, so I thought I'd write a little blog post which feature some stories from people who have had cancer.
The first story is Mike's. For as long as I can remember, Mike had been having problems with his leg. Him and his wife bought a house in Spain, as well as having one here in the UK. Mike was having to frequently fly over here from Spain for appointments or operations on his leg; sometimes meaning he couldn't fly back to Spain. For this reason, as well as many others I presume, they sold their house in Spain and moved back to the UK to live here permanently. After all the troubles with his leg, in October 2012 Mike was diagnosed with cancer. He had to make frequent hospital visits, which often resulted in him having to stay there for a few days, as well as having many operations. Towards the end of February 2013, he had been in hospital for a while. On the 26th February 2013, Mike rung up his wife, which went to voicemail, asking her when her and the kids were next going to visit him. That was the last time she would ever hear his voice over the phone. Sadly, with his wife and kids around him, on Thursday 28th February, Mike died, his wife discovering his voicemail he left her a few days later. She had this voicemail put on to a disc so that whenever she wanted to hear his voice, she could.
The next story is my own. I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but moles (as in the ones you get on your skin, not the animal) can in some cases cause skin cancer. I had one particular mole on my leg. It wasn't necesserily big, but it did start to change colour from brown to black. On a regular check-up with my GP when I was 7, I was told I would have to go to my local hospital to have a second opinion on the matter. The nurse there told me I would have to have an operation on my leg to remove the mole. Nobody at the time told me it was cancer. I guess it was because I was 7 and they didn't want to scare me. I guess I was scared enough about having the operation. On the day of the operation, I remember I had been given some numbing cream to put on my leg and was about to go into the room. I remember saying to my mum that I couldn't do it, that I didn't want to have the operation. I remember her saying to me that I could either have the operation and never (hopefully) have to go to hospital again; or not have the operation and have to go into hospital all the time. So I decided to have the operation. I was awake for the whole thing. It didn't hurt. The last time I went into hospital was to have my stitches taken out.
The last story is about Hazel. She was the school receptionist at my primary school. She is probably one of the nicest people to ever walk this earth. Towards the end of July 2013, Hazel went on holiday to Ireland. She fell down one step and managed to break her leg. As it seemed too easy for her to break her leg by falling down one step, she had to keep going into hospital for blood tests. I guess she had to keep going in mostly because during and after she had had her cast taken off, she kept on getting pains in her leg. I guess she realised something was wrong yet everytime she went into hospital, she was always turned away after a scan of test, saying there was nothing wrong with her. This went on until October 2013. It was then on Wednesday 23rd October, she got told she had cancer. Not only that, but that she had 3 days left to live; something that could have been prevented if they'd have found the cancer sooner. Then in her sleep on Saturday 26th October, she died.
I was lucky that I could have a simple operation and be done with it. But sadly for Mike, Hazel and thousands of other people who have suffered from cancer, it's not the same story. So donate to any cancer charity today as every single penny really does help. If you woke up tomorrow and got told that someone you know had cancer, you would want to do anything and everything you could to help them. Don't sit there thinking 'no one I know has cancer. Why should I help?' You should help because you could help save a life and help save another family from heart break. Hearing you have cancer and/or hearing a loved one has cancer is one of the worst things a person can hear. So let's all stand up to cancer together to help save thousands of lives.
I want my children, grandchildren and future generations to be able to live in a world where cancer doesn't exist. That it's a thing from the past. So please donate or find a way to raise some money so that thousands of us out there are able to beat cancer.
If you have any queries about anything I've said in today's post, please don't hesitate to contact me on twitter - @teenagelifebeth
Love Beth xx
The first story is Mike's. For as long as I can remember, Mike had been having problems with his leg. Him and his wife bought a house in Spain, as well as having one here in the UK. Mike was having to frequently fly over here from Spain for appointments or operations on his leg; sometimes meaning he couldn't fly back to Spain. For this reason, as well as many others I presume, they sold their house in Spain and moved back to the UK to live here permanently. After all the troubles with his leg, in October 2012 Mike was diagnosed with cancer. He had to make frequent hospital visits, which often resulted in him having to stay there for a few days, as well as having many operations. Towards the end of February 2013, he had been in hospital for a while. On the 26th February 2013, Mike rung up his wife, which went to voicemail, asking her when her and the kids were next going to visit him. That was the last time she would ever hear his voice over the phone. Sadly, with his wife and kids around him, on Thursday 28th February, Mike died, his wife discovering his voicemail he left her a few days later. She had this voicemail put on to a disc so that whenever she wanted to hear his voice, she could.
The next story is my own. I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but moles (as in the ones you get on your skin, not the animal) can in some cases cause skin cancer. I had one particular mole on my leg. It wasn't necesserily big, but it did start to change colour from brown to black. On a regular check-up with my GP when I was 7, I was told I would have to go to my local hospital to have a second opinion on the matter. The nurse there told me I would have to have an operation on my leg to remove the mole. Nobody at the time told me it was cancer. I guess it was because I was 7 and they didn't want to scare me. I guess I was scared enough about having the operation. On the day of the operation, I remember I had been given some numbing cream to put on my leg and was about to go into the room. I remember saying to my mum that I couldn't do it, that I didn't want to have the operation. I remember her saying to me that I could either have the operation and never (hopefully) have to go to hospital again; or not have the operation and have to go into hospital all the time. So I decided to have the operation. I was awake for the whole thing. It didn't hurt. The last time I went into hospital was to have my stitches taken out.
The last story is about Hazel. She was the school receptionist at my primary school. She is probably one of the nicest people to ever walk this earth. Towards the end of July 2013, Hazel went on holiday to Ireland. She fell down one step and managed to break her leg. As it seemed too easy for her to break her leg by falling down one step, she had to keep going into hospital for blood tests. I guess she had to keep going in mostly because during and after she had had her cast taken off, she kept on getting pains in her leg. I guess she realised something was wrong yet everytime she went into hospital, she was always turned away after a scan of test, saying there was nothing wrong with her. This went on until October 2013. It was then on Wednesday 23rd October, she got told she had cancer. Not only that, but that she had 3 days left to live; something that could have been prevented if they'd have found the cancer sooner. Then in her sleep on Saturday 26th October, she died.
I was lucky that I could have a simple operation and be done with it. But sadly for Mike, Hazel and thousands of other people who have suffered from cancer, it's not the same story. So donate to any cancer charity today as every single penny really does help. If you woke up tomorrow and got told that someone you know had cancer, you would want to do anything and everything you could to help them. Don't sit there thinking 'no one I know has cancer. Why should I help?' You should help because you could help save a life and help save another family from heart break. Hearing you have cancer and/or hearing a loved one has cancer is one of the worst things a person can hear. So let's all stand up to cancer together to help save thousands of lives.
I want my children, grandchildren and future generations to be able to live in a world where cancer doesn't exist. That it's a thing from the past. So please donate or find a way to raise some money so that thousands of us out there are able to beat cancer.
If you have any queries about anything I've said in today's post, please don't hesitate to contact me on twitter - @teenagelifebeth
Love Beth xx
Saturday 10 October 2015
Living with Social Anxiety
Today is World Mental Health Day 2015, so today I'm going to be writing a post concerning that issue: my deal with social anxiety.
What's really annoying is that pretty much everyone I come across just thinks I'm shy, which is why I don't talk as much as others. They fail to realise that I'm living with anxiety. Most of these things are overlooked by others because they don't know what living with anxiety is like. I'm not sure how many of you reading this also have anxiety or maybe another mental health illness, but whether you do or don't, please carry on reading as I'm hoping to open your eyes and make you realise that there could be someone who you know (friends, people you go to school with, work collegues, etc) trying to live a normal everyday life like you but feel like their mental illness gets in the way.
I pretend to be confident. I don't want people to think I have anxiety so when I'm with friends, I try and act like the person I want to be to hide my anxiety. I put on a smile to try and hide the fact that inside, I'm freaking the hell out.
They say that playing sport is supposed to help people become more confident. I guess that it sometimes helps me and whenever I'm playing it, my anxiety seems to slip away. But I don't feel I'm as confident as they say I could be on paper.
I hope I'm not the only one who can't ask people simple things; such as asking them to pass the glue. I'll sit there for 5, maybe 10 minutes trying to figure out how to ask them. Some days I just hope and pray that we can take our books home so I can glue in the sheets there; just to save me from asking someone to pass the glue.
If I said that to someone in school, they'd probably laugh at me and say I was being stupid. And I'd agree with them. Because most of the time it feels like I am. But writing this today makes me realise that I'm not stupid. It makes me realise that I'm living with a real-life mental illness and there's nothing that I can do about it to make it go away.
Some people hear the word 'illness' and just presume that you could go to the doctors and get some medicine or something to help cure it. But with mental illnesses you can't. I bet none of these people actually take time out of their day to research mental illnesses and read stories from people who live with them. Because they don't have to live with it. Because they don't know what it's like.
Sometimes my anxiety gets to the point where if my dad tells me that all my family are going to my gran's and that I need to go to, I try and make excuses to get out of it. I sometimes make the excuse that I'd rather to revision or homework than see my family. I reckon that there could be about 15-20 of us in one room (family) and I think that's the thing that freaks me out most. Sometimes I'm too scared to go to my gran's if it's just me and my brothers because I'm scared that some others will be there.
And that's just during the day. At night I often cry myself to sleep because of either something to do with my anxiety that day or if I know I've got to do a presentation the next or even just the fact that I feel like I can't be a normal teenager because I've got anxiety.
I wish I could tell people about my anxiety. Maybe then they'd be able to help me. Or maybe they'd laugh at me because I have anxiety and the fact that it's a mental illness that they probably know nothing about.
I hope that this post might have opened your eyes the slightest in what it's like for someone living with anxiety. Obviously, these are the smaller things I've had to deal with and there are some much bigger but I don't feel like the time is right to write about them. Maybe I will some other day.
If you, like me, also have anxiety or another mental health illness, please don't be afraid to comment below about how you have to deal about it.
Or if you have any worries, please don't be afraid to dm me on twitter @teenagelifebeth and I will try and help you in the best way possible.
Love, Beth xx
What's really annoying is that pretty much everyone I come across just thinks I'm shy, which is why I don't talk as much as others. They fail to realise that I'm living with anxiety. Most of these things are overlooked by others because they don't know what living with anxiety is like. I'm not sure how many of you reading this also have anxiety or maybe another mental health illness, but whether you do or don't, please carry on reading as I'm hoping to open your eyes and make you realise that there could be someone who you know (friends, people you go to school with, work collegues, etc) trying to live a normal everyday life like you but feel like their mental illness gets in the way.
I pretend to be confident. I don't want people to think I have anxiety so when I'm with friends, I try and act like the person I want to be to hide my anxiety. I put on a smile to try and hide the fact that inside, I'm freaking the hell out.
They say that playing sport is supposed to help people become more confident. I guess that it sometimes helps me and whenever I'm playing it, my anxiety seems to slip away. But I don't feel I'm as confident as they say I could be on paper.
I hope I'm not the only one who can't ask people simple things; such as asking them to pass the glue. I'll sit there for 5, maybe 10 minutes trying to figure out how to ask them. Some days I just hope and pray that we can take our books home so I can glue in the sheets there; just to save me from asking someone to pass the glue.
If I said that to someone in school, they'd probably laugh at me and say I was being stupid. And I'd agree with them. Because most of the time it feels like I am. But writing this today makes me realise that I'm not stupid. It makes me realise that I'm living with a real-life mental illness and there's nothing that I can do about it to make it go away.
Some people hear the word 'illness' and just presume that you could go to the doctors and get some medicine or something to help cure it. But with mental illnesses you can't. I bet none of these people actually take time out of their day to research mental illnesses and read stories from people who live with them. Because they don't have to live with it. Because they don't know what it's like.
Sometimes my anxiety gets to the point where if my dad tells me that all my family are going to my gran's and that I need to go to, I try and make excuses to get out of it. I sometimes make the excuse that I'd rather to revision or homework than see my family. I reckon that there could be about 15-20 of us in one room (family) and I think that's the thing that freaks me out most. Sometimes I'm too scared to go to my gran's if it's just me and my brothers because I'm scared that some others will be there.
And that's just during the day. At night I often cry myself to sleep because of either something to do with my anxiety that day or if I know I've got to do a presentation the next or even just the fact that I feel like I can't be a normal teenager because I've got anxiety.
I wish I could tell people about my anxiety. Maybe then they'd be able to help me. Or maybe they'd laugh at me because I have anxiety and the fact that it's a mental illness that they probably know nothing about.
I hope that this post might have opened your eyes the slightest in what it's like for someone living with anxiety. Obviously, these are the smaller things I've had to deal with and there are some much bigger but I don't feel like the time is right to write about them. Maybe I will some other day.
If you, like me, also have anxiety or another mental health illness, please don't be afraid to comment below about how you have to deal about it.
Or if you have any worries, please don't be afraid to dm me on twitter @teenagelifebeth and I will try and help you in the best way possible.
Love, Beth xx
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