Sunday 25 November 2018

A Letter to my 11-Year-Old Self

Dear 11-year-old Beth,

I'm guessing that right now you are either coming to the end of your time in primary school, or you have just started secondary school. The next seven years of your life are going to be a very long and bumpy ride; with it at times feeling like it's worth it, whereas at other times it feels like you should just give up.

In a few months (if you didn't already know) your mum is going to tell you that she's pregnant. At first you take this pretty badly as when your first brother was born, he took all of the attention away from you and you felt that the same thing was going to happen again. However, by the time he is born you learn to love him and don't know how you could ever live without him. He is quite possibly one of the best things that has ever happened to you, and you hate yourself on a daily basis for how you felt when you first found out your mum was pregnant.

Right now you will have a group of friends that you will no longer be as close to by the time you turn 18, however you will still talk to them on the odd occasion. You will have thought during your time in primary school that you would always be friends for ever and would never leave each other's sides. Well, you thought wrong. You might all become friends again in the future, who knows? You will blame it on yourself for the fact that you are no longer friends with any of them, especially as they all seemed to remain relatively close with one another. You blame yourself for starting to remove yourself from that group and losing contact with them, instead choosing to make friends with other people (as that is what you're meant to do when you start a new school), but making friends with others (who eventually turned out to not be your friend at all) was the price you had to pay for not being friends with the people who mattered most to you.

The group of friends that you begin to associate yourself with around year 8/9 seemed to be genuine people who liked you for you. However, around half way through year 9 you start to find yourself being left out of things and not being included in anything. You try to cling to people and find a best friend, however they all already have a best friend and that person is not you. At times it feels like you are just following them around, in the hope of finally being fully accepted into the group. I'm not going to say that it gets better, but I'm not going to say that it gets worse either. I guess that it's just something that you learn to accept and eventually move on from, but more on that later.

In year 10 you will become friends (and eventually best friends) with someone who you wonder where she's been your whole life. She will be there with you for the many ups and downs that your life holds (and believe me there's plenty of those) and is always on hand to give you the best advice possible. Four years on and you are still as close as ever, and hopefully this will continue. You only want the best for her and she only wants the best for you.

During year 10/11, the end of 2014 and throughout 2015 is quite possibly the worst time of your life (so far). In November 2014 your parents split up, however fail to tell you this until almost a year later, towards the end of September 2015. You, of course, pick up on this pretty much straight away, but find yourself keeping it to yourself until your parents tell you the truth, however so far you have never admitted to anyone how long you actually knew for. And if you're thinking that this is the worst thing, then believe me it's not. At the end of January 2015 your cat dies, and then less than a week later at the start of February your Grandad dies. This will be one of the worst things you have ever experienced, and three years down the line you are still grieving. You miss them both everyday. One of the hardest things for you to do was to go to your Gran's a week after this happened and see someone sitting in your Grandad's chair. Every time you go into the kitchen you expect to see your Grandad sitting there, but he isn't. He's gone and you're struggling to face up to that. Even when you do eventually get it to go to the back of your mind, it's still there, reminding you every single day about the ones who you lost. You're annoyed at yourself that you chose being away from your brothers and being able to watch what you wanted on TV to spending your Grandad's last day on earth with him. You wish that you could turn back the clock, however, sadly, this just isn't possible.

Year 11 is quite a life-changer for you. It's your final year of secondary school and you have to make the choice of whether to stay or go elsewhere. It also marks the year where you meet a boy who will still be in your life today, in one way or another, however not how you might have hoped he would have been when you eventually get to know him. He is your type on paper and you start to have a crush on him, which eventually leads to bigger feelings and hoping that he feels the same. You both start talking and it's amazing at first. But then it all starts to go downhill once exams are over. You notice that he has started to become more distant and you have no idea why this is. You keep on trying because you like him so much, but it is no longer the same as it once was. You eventually find out that it's because he had a girlfriend. You are mad and angry at him, yet when you confront him about it he just chooses to ignore it and a few weeks later texts you, telling you that he's single again. Instead of ignoring him, you choose to start talking to him again and it becomes on-and-off for another two years. At the moment it is very much off, even though you still like him, and whether it will become on again some time in the future you are yet to find out.

Starting sixth form is a pretty big thing for you. You were originally going to go to another college, however later decide to stay on at your school - but whether this was a mistake or not, who knows? You find the work load a struggle to keep up with and your grades are constantly up and down, ranging from a U to a B, the entire time. You got very stressed, tired, and spending most of your free periods in Spoons. But don't worry, it all pays off in the end as you finish the two years with BCC, which is much better than you (and your teachers) ever expected.

Also during your time in sixth form, you manage to get yourself a boyfriend. At first things go amazingly well and for once in your life you are happy. You both start planning your future, from where you're going to live, to marriage, to having dogs, and to having kids. You believe that all of this is going to happen, which is why when things start to go downhill and you start thinking that you should break up with him, you can't bring yourself to do it. You know that you're an over-thinker so you just think that you are over-thinking the entire situation. Except you're not. After what feels like the longest month of your life from when things started to go drastically downhill, you come to learn that he also thinks that there is something wrong with your relationship and is doubting whether or not it can be saved. After a LOT of thinking, you finally get the courage to break up with him. Initially you are crushed by the whole thing. You can't stop crying and it feels like your heart has been shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. But over time you are able to build yourself back up again. You learn to live without him and move on with your life. There has been no-one in the picture thus far, but you are hoping that one day there will be, and he will show you the type of love that you deserve.

The final thing I am going to talk to you about is you moving house. Because your parents are getting divorced, this inevitably means that you will have to move house. The house move itself is very stressful to say the least as your original moving date keeps on getting pushed further and further back, to the point where it almost seems as if you are never going to move, until your mum gives the people buying your house an ultimatum of either moving in by a certain date or her putting the house back up for sale. You eventually move into your new house TEN DAYS before Christmas and were given less than 24 HOURS notice of your move. As there was quite a lot to do to the house, it still isn't fully complete; however there is only a couple more rooms to do. You are really enjoying it there and don't understand why you couldn't have moved there sooner.

As a final note, I would just like to say to you that you are good enough. That you don't need to be a shy little girl who is too afraid to talk to people. That you don't need to be constantly worrying about what people may or may not be saying about you. That you don't need to constantly over think every little thing that happens to you. But you also need to block the toxic people out of your life. You need to get rid of those who don't deserve to have you in their life. You just need to feel like you are able to be yourself around people and not feel like you have to act like someone you're not because people will love you for being you. You need to stop being so afraid of things and start putting yourself out there more.

Love 18-year-old Beth xx

Sunday 18 November 2018

Is it okay to not be Religious?

Religion is a complicated subject, with there being many different types of religion - meaning that we all have different beliefs about things to do with the world that we live in and what others should and shouldn't believe - resulting in many arguments.

I am just going to throw this out there now, I do not think of myself as a religious person. I was Christened when I was six months old and as far as I know all of my family members have also been Christened. I also attended a Church of England primary school. However, I don't particularly believe that there is a God and don't really believe any of the things that are in the Bible. I know that many people are going to disagree with me on this one so I apologise about any offence that I may cause any of you reading this and I assure you that I am not trying to imply that there is no such thing as religion or a God, this is just my personal opinion.

Even though everyone in my household is religious, religion isn't anything that has ever been particularly forced upon me or my brothers so I guess that's probably partly why I don't really believe that there is a God. We used to go to Church for the odd Christmas Eve service and possibly once or twice for Easter and for Harvest Festival (plus all of the times I had to go to Church as a part of my primary school), but other than that we have rarely stepped foot in a Church. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I was in a Church for a religious reason, but it has definitely been a fair few years.

You'll notice that above I mentioned that I used to go to Church for Christmas and Easter services when I was younger. I still celebrate both of these holidays, however I am unsure whether it is okay for me to do this if I don't view myself as a religious person. I mean, Christmas is meant to be about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and Easter is about celebrating his death (although I don't understand how death can ever be celebrated to be honest) and his later resurrection (please correct me on this if I am wrong). I guess that you can argue that today Christmas isn't particularly about the religious side of things and is now more to do with spending time with your friends and family (or at least it is in my household), but Easter for me has only ever really involved giving each other chocolate eggs and having a roast dinner. For this reason, part of me feels that it is wrong of me to celebrate two major Christian holidays when I don't view myself as a Christian or a religious person. Yet at the same time (and again I'm sorry if I offend anyone with what I'm about to say) I don't think that these two holidays in particular are viewed purely as something to do with religion and have become more commercialised and (with Christmas in particular) about spending time with your family. So when you put this into perspective, I would say that it probably is okay for me to celebrate these holidays, but please correct me if I'm wrong on this one too.

In today's society, everyone has their own views and opinions and even though we might disagree with some (or many) of them, there is no right or wrong answer. If you google how many religions there are, you will find that there are estimates of there being around 4,200. I reckon I could only name about five.

What particularly annoys me about religion is the fact that some people try and force their religion on you and try to get you to believe what they believe in. If you're passionate about something and that thing is your religion then that's great and I would never want anyone to feel like they couldn't be passionate about something that they believe in. However, because we all have our own opinions I don't think that people should try and force others to change their opinion because they think that what they believe is right and that everyone should believe in what they believe in and that anything other than their belief is wrong. We all have our own opinions, which we ALL have a right to, however there are certain ways that we should put our opinions across: which is to NOT force them on other people.

At the end of the day, I think that it is absolutely okay for you to not be a religious person. It is your decision and you are entitled to your own opinion. I know that I am not a religious person as I don't believe in God or in anything that happened in the Bible. But if you are a religious person and do believe in God/the Bible (or whatever else your religious beliefs are) then that's okay too. There is no right or wrong answer. It is what you believe at the end of the day.

I am really sorry if anyone has been offended by this post as that was never my intention. Do any of you agree with me and think that it's okay to not be religious? Or do you believe that everyone should have some sort of religion? Please comment your thoughts down below as I would love to see what everyone's different opinions are.

Love Beth xx

Sunday 11 November 2018

Why Remembrance Day is Important

As today is Remembrance Sunday, I thought that I would do a little post on why it is important that we take the time on this day to remember all of the soldiers that selflessly fought (and the many who died) for us to live our lives the way we live them today.

On the 28th July 1914, the start of World War One began. Nobody knew how long this war would go on for; nor did they know how many lives it would take. Nobody knew how much of an impact it would have, nor how it would be remembered 100 years down the line.

It was known as the Great War and the War to end all Wars due to the size of it compared to any other war that had occurred in all of history.

On the 25th December 1914 (Christmas Day) a temporary truce was declared between both sides and they took part in a Christmas Day football match in No Man's Land, however despite this truce, the war was far from over.

On the 11th November 1918, on the 11th hour, the war was declared over, after just over four years of fighting.

To put into perspective how large this war was, I'm going to tell you the number facts of the war:

  • you had to be 18 to sign up to be in the armed forces 
  • you had to be 19 to fight abroad
  • 12 million letters were delivered to the front every week
  • by the end of the war 2 billion letters had been delivered
  • by the end of the war 114 million parcels had been delivered
  • 65 million people around the world fought in the war
  • 5 million people that fought in the war were British
  • 8.5 million troops are thought to have been killed
  • 750,000 British servicemen are thought to have been killed
  • 21 million troops were wounded
  • 1.5 million of the troops wounded were British
  • around 2 million soldiers, sailors, and airmen died from disease, malnutrition and other causes
  • around 13 million civilians were killed
Imagine living in this time. Imagine living in a time of uncertainty. Imagine living in a time when you have to see your loved ones leave and have absolutely no idea whether you are ever going to see them again. Imagine what was once a full house full of love and happiness, is now a house filled with worry, dread and despair. Imagine your husband, son, brother going off to war, only never to return. Imagine your child growing up without a dad and asking where daddy is, only for you to not be able to answer. Imagine getting married to your husband and the next day he is called up for war, never to return. Can you imagine all of the hurt and the pain that any of this would cause? You might be able to slightly, but the reality is that millions (if not billions) of people across the world during this time had to go through this hurt and pain day-in and day-out, not knowing when, if ever, it would end. 

On this day, exactly one hundred years after the war was called to an end, we remember those who fought, but lost. We remember those who risked their own lives so that we could have a life of our own. We remember those who risked never seeing their family again so that we could see ours. We remember those who went to war with their friends, only to come back with none. We remember those who witnessed their friends and family members die right in front of their very eyes, yet had no time to grieve as they had to carry on fighting. We remember those who loved, only to have lost. 

So remember those who fought, without ever thinking about themselves, just so that you could live your life how you live it today. Without them our lives would almost certainly be a completely different picture. History would be completely different and who knows what our lives today would be like: whether they be better or worse. 

But, most importantly, we must remember: them

Love Beth xx

Sunday 4 November 2018

What's on my Bucket List

Okay so I feel that this is a pretty standard post to do and I think that a lot of the things on this list are the stereotypical 'bucket list' items, however I just thought that I would share with you all some of what's on my bucket list just in case any of you might see something on here that you like the sound of and decide that it's something that you might want to do. I have also done it as something for me so that over the years I can look back on it and see which things I have/haven't done and tick them all off as I go along.

1. Travel the World
Okay, so this is DEFINITELY something that I think is on everyone's bucket list, however for as long as I can remember all I have ever wanted to do is to see and explore the world. I am from a very small town where there isn't much culture and all I have ever wanted to do is to experience a variety of different cultures where people's lives are much different to my own. The main places that I want to travel are Australia, America, Asia, Africa and parts of Europe. I get that some of these are, again, pretty standard but they are places that I have pretty much always wanted to go to. I did consider doing a bit of travelling this year instead of going to university and was planning on going to Australia and doing a bit of work there for six to nine months and then spending the rest of the year travelling around parts of Australia that I hadn't been to; as well as India, China, and Thailand.

2. Start a family
I get that this might be quite a weird thing to say, but I feel that I am a very maternal person. I have only ever dreamed of finding a guy who treats me well, has good career aspirations (and a guy who's fit 😉) who I eventually end up marrying, sharing a house, a dog, a cat, a family car and having our own little family together. I know that I am aiming pretty high here but I guess a girl can only dream and this is what I would like my life to be like by the time I am 40 AT THE LATEST!!! This is one of my main goals in life and I think that if I never achieved this then it is quite possibly the thing on this list that I would be most disappointed at myself with.

3. Achieve my dream career
Again, I feel that this is something that everyone wants to eventually be able to achieve, but this is something that is very important to me. Growing up, I have continuously been changing my mind about what profession I want to go into when I'm older, however over the last couple of years I have realised that I want to be in a job where I am working with children. As I am doing an Early Childhood Studies degree, this can lead me on to a variety of different professions that I could eventually go into involving children, with my two choices being between a teacher and a social worker. I am hoping that by the end of this degree I know which one I want to become so that I can pick the right postgraduate degree to take so that I can be one step closer to being in a job that I will happily wake up to go to each morning.

4. Do a bungee jump
For some completely strange and weird reason, ever since I can remember I have always wanted to do a bungee jump. I have absolutely no idea where this comes from as I am incredibly scared of heights and one of my worst fears is falling from something that's very high up; so putting both of these two things together probably means that if I do ever do this then it's going to be a very bad idea. However, I guess they say that you should try to conquer your fears so I guess that this would be the perfect opportunity for me to do that.

5. Do a sky dive
Again, this is probably something that I shouldn't be doing if I am terrified of heights and falling, however another thing that I have always wanted to do is a sky dive. Whenever I've seen other people doing them (such as on I'm a Celeb when they're entering the jungle) I have always been slightly jealous of the opportunity that they have been given and wish that it was me that was able to do that. If I do ever do a sky dive (this goes for a bungee jump as well) I would love to be able to do it for charity and wouldn't want to do it just for the sake of being able to say that I've done one. I would much prefer to be able to say that I have done a sky dive for a charity that means a lot to me and that I've been able to raise money for such a really great cause whilst doing something really out of my comfort zone.

These are the top five things on my bucket list. There are loads of other things on there, however if I put them all onto this post then it would be a very long post and for someone to actually sit down and read the whole thing would be very commendable. But if you would like to know some of the other things on my bucket list and would like me to do a part two, then please comment down below. Also let me know some of the things that are on your bucket list as I would love to hear them.

Love Beth xx