Girls, (and probably boys as well) we have all at some point in our lives come across someone who we really liked and thought that they felt the same way about us as well. At the time it seemed as though we were the only person who they wanted to be with (as that was how we felt) and we found ourselves falling in love. Except the only thing preventing this from happening was the fact that it was only us who felt like that and it turns out that they were interested in a lot of other people, and we were at the bottom of their list when it came to choosing someone to be their partner.
This is how I felt a couple of years ago by some boy who was in my year at school. He was the first person that I can ever really remember properly liking and the fact that he made it out that he liked me back made me feel like no one could ever stop me and that at one point or another our 'talking' would turn into something more. Except he never thought like that and when it got to a point where I thought he might actually ask me to be his girlfriend, it turned out that he had been 'talking' with a load of other girls and had just asked out some other girl.
I wanted to talk about this today because I believe that leading someone on and messing with their feelings is something that should never be done and if you are one of those people who does that then I specifically want you to carry on and read the rest of this post so that you can get some sort of understanding of how it makes those who you lead on feel; because it is a really horrible feeling to feel as led on as I did and I don't want anyone else to feel anything like I did because it is truly one of the worst feelings that you could ever possibly feel. I also want anyone who has ever been led on (or just anyone in general really) to carry on reading this post so that you know that you are not alone in what you have gone/are going through.
It started in year 11. We both took one of the same GCSE classes in that year and our paths had never crossed before that time and if I'm honest I really liked him from the moment I met him. We just seemed to click straight away and he made me feel a way that no one has ever made me feel before.
He used to have these cute little nicknames that he used to call me (none of which will be put on here for privacy and confidentiality reasons) and that was one of the things that made me feel like I was actually a special person in his life.
At first we could definitely have only ever been considered as being friends because we only ever really spoke either in lesson or whenever we saw one another around school and didn't ever really speak outside of that environment or in a way that could be made out as us being something more than friends to one another. But I can remember that first day when we did start talking to each other outside of school and remember it almost as if it was yesterday.
It was a Saturday. I'm a deep sleeper and tend to sleep in quite a lot and I remember being woken up to the sound of my phone going off. It was a message. From him. He asked me if we had any homework for the subject that we were both in together. I thought that this was a little odd because 1) he'd never asked me if we'd had any homework before, 2) it was a Saturday, and 3) it was reasonably early in the morning - and all of these things put together do not equal doing homework or asking me that question (unless you're really dedicated to your schoolwork which, believe me, neither of us ever were). So I just told him that I didn't think that we did, he asked me how I was and the conversation went from there. We spoke for a reasonable amount of the day about anything and everything. We didn't really speak outside of school again for one reason or another until almost a week later; after which we spoke to each other practically all day every day for around six weeks.
After this, it somehow became known around our year that we were talking to each other and we both had people telling us that we should start going out with each other. Except the thing was that we both kept ignoring what everyone was saying and just carried on like everything was normal. Whenever one of us said to the other 'oh, so-and-so said that you like me' or 'this person said we should be together', the other would somehow go around it and try to avoid saying how we really felt about the other person. I guess this can be said as being part of the problem of why we never ended up being together because we were never honest with each other about how we felt about one another. However, I never told him about how I really felt because I was scared that he wouldn't feel the same and that I would be making a fool of myself by telling him that I liked him. And I guess I now know why he never told me that he liked me - because he was too busy talking to other girls and leading all of us on without any of us realising.
What was the most annoying about this whole thing is the fact that when he did get a girlfriend when I still thought that he liked me and when I did eventually find out about it a couple of weeks later and questioned him on it, he didn't even have the audacity to explain his actions. Then a few days later he popped up to me and started talking to me normally and never even mentioned the fact that he had a girlfriend or that he was sorry about what happened and tried to talk to me like normal, almost as if we had never really stopped talking. Then when they did break up (they were together for about a month) he popped up to me again, really late at night, said that him and his girlfriend had broken up and asking if we could talk.
This became a regular occurrence. He would be talking to me, get a girlfriend, they'd break up, and then he'd come crawling back to me because he knew I'd always be there for him. I guess that that was the problem with me (and still is). He knew that no matter how many times he found someone else and wanted to be with them, if things went wrong then he could always come back to me and would find that I would always be willing to have him back. This has been going on for two years now. And will I ever change? Probably not. Why? Because I'm too forgiving and when he is talking to me he makes me feel as if I'm wanted and that he does genuinely like me and wants to be with me.
Players need to stop doing what they do. Players need to stop leading people on, making them feel like they love them (or at least like them), and then start going out with someone else and leave that person feeling like they were never good enough and that no one else will ever want to be with them. It's a really horrible feeling, kind of like I was cheated on, only obviously not as bad.
I guess that most players are guys because you're seen as a 'lad' by the amount of girls that you can get and NOT by the fact that you only get one absolutely amazing girl and stay with her because you love her. I don't like this attitude in society and think that it's a really stupid one to have. So if any guys are reading this who have more than one girl on the go at the moment (or have done in the past), please think about what you are doing to all of their feelings because it is one of the worst feelings ever to feel like you were never really wanted by someone all that much in the first place (the same applies to any girls who are players as well).
Have you got any stories of a time when someone 'played' you? Well I would love to hear them (but you obviously don't have to if you don't want to) so please feel free to either comment them down below, send me a DM on twitter, or email me. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of the page.
I hope that this post has made anyone who has ever been involved with a player before realise that they are not alone in how they may have felt/are feeling. I also hope that anyone who is reading this who is a player has realised how their actions can make others feel and that they are now only going to talk to one person at a time and not lead anyone on.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 30 September 2018
Sunday 23 September 2018
My Body Insecurities
We all have our insecurities; the things about ourselves that we hate and wish that we could change. We're constantly being told to be proud of the things that make us unique, but what happens when the things that make us unique are the things that we hate the most about ourselves? I mean, they're not always something that we can change and in most cases they are going to be there for the rest of our lives. But when these things cause us to feel terrible in ourselves and constantly wanting to cover them up, does that mean that if we're hiding our insecurities from others that we're living a lie? That we're trying to convince ourselves that for as long as we hide them from others that they no longer exist?
At the end of the day we all have our own insecurities from either how we see ourselves or from what some people might have pointed out to us, ranging from the way we look to how we act. I have my insecurities. You have your insecurities. Everyone has their insecurities. And today I am going to share with you my insecurities, why I'm insecure about them and why it's okay for me to embrace them as a part of who I am.
A mole on my face
One of the things that I have always been insecure about in one way or another is a mole that I have on my face. I have found that it's probably one of the first things that stands out whenever anyone first meets me or sees me in the street. I know it's something that I can get removed but when I was seven I had to have a mole removed from my leg as it was cancerous, but I wasn't put under anaesthetic and instead had some cream put on my leg and I don't really fancy having to go through that again only this time where I can see what the doctor is doing and then having a massive scar on my face for the rest of my life. I don't always wear make-up (mostly because I'd rather have a longer lie-in in the morning) but when I do I always make sure that I try and cover up my mole as much as possible so that it is a lot less noticeable. This has always been a struggle for me and I guess that I'm always worried about someone making a comment about it, which to my knowledge they haven't so far (apart from when I was younger and the people in my class would ask me what it was, or when some children ask me about it now). I get that I have moles all over my body (as do other people) but as this one is probably the biggest out of all of them and is on my face, it's quite difficult to cover up and I feel that it is always going to be the one thing that everyone first notices about me.
The hair on my arms
Another one of my insecurities that hasn't always been there predominantly until some time last year is the hair on my arms. I have always known that the hair on my arms is reasonably dark and can be considered as hairier than others but it wasn't until my ex kept on pointing this out to me that it started to become a real problem. I guess that because someone else was pointing this out to me (especially as it was someone that I loved) it made me realise that this was something that everyone could see and that it wasn't normal for me to have arms that are as hairy as they are. He was constantly pointing them out to me to the point where I was too afraid to wear anything that would show my arms (making summer a problem when it shouldn't have been). I even bought hair removal cream to get rid of the hair on my arms and even then he would make a point of claiming that I'd apparently 'shaved my arms' and that it was probably for the best. When there was no hair on my arms I felt able to wear short-sleeved shirts but as soon as the slightest bit of hair started to grow I felt really self-conscious and reverted back to wearing long-sleeves again.
Facial and body hair
Leading on from having quite hairy arms, another thing that I'm insecure about is the hair on the rest of my body and on my face. As I said above, I had always been reasonably aware of this but didn't always take too much notice of it, up until my ex started making a few comments about it that made me really start to worry about the way I look. I took pretty much the same action I did as what I used on my arms; which was to use hair removal cream on my face and on parts of my body. The particular problem is around my upper lip area and on my stomach; with the upper lip area being the most problematic because people are much more likely to see my face than my stomach and it was reasonably noticeable if you were within a certain distance to my face. My stomach hair only really becomes a problem when I wear a crop top or a bikini. Even though it's not reasonably noticeable, especially from a long distance, I still know that it's there and I always feel self-conscious about what people might say; which makes me constantly want to cover myself up, with this being almost impossible after the weather we've been having in the UK recently.
Being an introvert
Anyone who knows me will know that I'm not the most outgoing of people, nor am I the loudest. Of course there's nothing wrong with that but I often feel like people are judging me for the fact that I don't always speak up when I probably should and I don't always take part in discussions. This is partly because I'm worried about how my comments will be perceived by others and I feel as though I either won't be heard or someone else will speak over me (or both). Of course I'd love to be outgoing and extroverted and feel like I can speak up when I want to, but that's just not me. I'm much happier to hide away in the background than be the centre of attention.
My body shape
I'll admit to you now that I've never been one of the skinniest of people; however nor have I been one of the biggest. However I feel as though I've been quite insecure in what my body looks like (which probably isn't helped by the fact that I'm so small) from quite a young age. I remember in year 6 they had to weigh us and do some height checks and my weight was almost a stone bigger than most of my peers. They were all talking about what their weight was and I found myself lying, saying that I was a stone lighter than what I actually was so that no one would tease me. Then a year or two later I was at a friends house with a few others and her mum was taking us somewhere and she said that I should sit in the front because 'I was bigger than the other girls'. My immediate reaction was to think she said that because at the time I was considerably taller than the others and somehow thought that that was the reason for what she said, however as the day went on I realised that me not being able to sit in the back wouldn't be anything to do with my height and was instead because I was (and still am) considerably larger than the other girls. Even though at this point quite a few people were saying to me that they were jealous of my figure, that I was so slim, and that they wished they looked like me, I always felt like they were lying (even though I've never opened up to anyone about my weight issues). This has been an ongoing battle for more years than I care to imagine, and in the next few weeks I am aiming to have started my permanent journey to lose weight (as I have tried to lose weight before but it has never been completely successful).
My looks
I have always known that I have never been one of the most prettiest of girls on this planet, and for this reason I have always felt myself lacking in confidence. I have worn make-up since year 8/9 as a way for me to cover up my imperfections and make myself feel slightly pretty. The only time when I haven't worn make-up has either been when I've been at home all day or during most of year 13 when I just wanted a bit longer in bed (as we all do) and just couldn't be bothered with my appearance anymore as I felt that nothing could change the way in which other people saw me. But before then (and now) I couldn't leave the house without a bit of make-up on. If I didn't have that much time in the morning then I would literally just put some mascara on and if I had a few really red spots then I would try and put some concealer on as well. I constantly look down a lot as well in the hope that people can't get a proper look at my face because I'm worried that they might say stuff about it that I might either hear or just make a comment about to someone they are with - even if I can't hear them. I know that things like this shouldn't worry me as nine times out of ten I probably don't even know the person/people I walk past; but it is just something that has always been an insecurity of mine.
Looking at these, I know that some people will have the same or similar insecurities as me, or they might have completely different insecurities. But I guess that we just have to accept that they make us who we are and that we wouldn't be us without them (bit of a cliché I know). I know that I have to accept that the mole on my face, the hair on my arms, my facial and body hair, being an introvert, my body shape, and my looks are all apart of what makes me, me and that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change that. And no one who I either do or don't know should have the power to make me feel like I should change anything about me because if I did change then I wouldn't be being true to myself.
Just so that all of us can learn to love our insecurities, I would like each and every one of you reading this to name one (or more) of your insecurities in the comments below and give a reason why you love that insecurity.
No one should be made to feel that their 'insecurity' is something to be ashamed of. Instead, it is something that should be celebrated and embraced as what makes them who they are. And if anyone does make a comment about you that you might already be insecure about or makes you feel insecure about something that you weren't already (because believe me, it's happened plenty of times to me and that was by people who were meant to bring me up and not down), just remember that they may only be making a comment about it because they're jealous of you and have their own insecurities and want to try and bring you down just so to make them feel better about themselves.
Love Beth xx
At the end of the day we all have our own insecurities from either how we see ourselves or from what some people might have pointed out to us, ranging from the way we look to how we act. I have my insecurities. You have your insecurities. Everyone has their insecurities. And today I am going to share with you my insecurities, why I'm insecure about them and why it's okay for me to embrace them as a part of who I am.
A mole on my face
One of the things that I have always been insecure about in one way or another is a mole that I have on my face. I have found that it's probably one of the first things that stands out whenever anyone first meets me or sees me in the street. I know it's something that I can get removed but when I was seven I had to have a mole removed from my leg as it was cancerous, but I wasn't put under anaesthetic and instead had some cream put on my leg and I don't really fancy having to go through that again only this time where I can see what the doctor is doing and then having a massive scar on my face for the rest of my life. I don't always wear make-up (mostly because I'd rather have a longer lie-in in the morning) but when I do I always make sure that I try and cover up my mole as much as possible so that it is a lot less noticeable. This has always been a struggle for me and I guess that I'm always worried about someone making a comment about it, which to my knowledge they haven't so far (apart from when I was younger and the people in my class would ask me what it was, or when some children ask me about it now). I get that I have moles all over my body (as do other people) but as this one is probably the biggest out of all of them and is on my face, it's quite difficult to cover up and I feel that it is always going to be the one thing that everyone first notices about me.
The hair on my arms
Another one of my insecurities that hasn't always been there predominantly until some time last year is the hair on my arms. I have always known that the hair on my arms is reasonably dark and can be considered as hairier than others but it wasn't until my ex kept on pointing this out to me that it started to become a real problem. I guess that because someone else was pointing this out to me (especially as it was someone that I loved) it made me realise that this was something that everyone could see and that it wasn't normal for me to have arms that are as hairy as they are. He was constantly pointing them out to me to the point where I was too afraid to wear anything that would show my arms (making summer a problem when it shouldn't have been). I even bought hair removal cream to get rid of the hair on my arms and even then he would make a point of claiming that I'd apparently 'shaved my arms' and that it was probably for the best. When there was no hair on my arms I felt able to wear short-sleeved shirts but as soon as the slightest bit of hair started to grow I felt really self-conscious and reverted back to wearing long-sleeves again.
Facial and body hair
Leading on from having quite hairy arms, another thing that I'm insecure about is the hair on the rest of my body and on my face. As I said above, I had always been reasonably aware of this but didn't always take too much notice of it, up until my ex started making a few comments about it that made me really start to worry about the way I look. I took pretty much the same action I did as what I used on my arms; which was to use hair removal cream on my face and on parts of my body. The particular problem is around my upper lip area and on my stomach; with the upper lip area being the most problematic because people are much more likely to see my face than my stomach and it was reasonably noticeable if you were within a certain distance to my face. My stomach hair only really becomes a problem when I wear a crop top or a bikini. Even though it's not reasonably noticeable, especially from a long distance, I still know that it's there and I always feel self-conscious about what people might say; which makes me constantly want to cover myself up, with this being almost impossible after the weather we've been having in the UK recently.
Being an introvert
Anyone who knows me will know that I'm not the most outgoing of people, nor am I the loudest. Of course there's nothing wrong with that but I often feel like people are judging me for the fact that I don't always speak up when I probably should and I don't always take part in discussions. This is partly because I'm worried about how my comments will be perceived by others and I feel as though I either won't be heard or someone else will speak over me (or both). Of course I'd love to be outgoing and extroverted and feel like I can speak up when I want to, but that's just not me. I'm much happier to hide away in the background than be the centre of attention.
My body shape
I'll admit to you now that I've never been one of the skinniest of people; however nor have I been one of the biggest. However I feel as though I've been quite insecure in what my body looks like (which probably isn't helped by the fact that I'm so small) from quite a young age. I remember in year 6 they had to weigh us and do some height checks and my weight was almost a stone bigger than most of my peers. They were all talking about what their weight was and I found myself lying, saying that I was a stone lighter than what I actually was so that no one would tease me. Then a year or two later I was at a friends house with a few others and her mum was taking us somewhere and she said that I should sit in the front because 'I was bigger than the other girls'. My immediate reaction was to think she said that because at the time I was considerably taller than the others and somehow thought that that was the reason for what she said, however as the day went on I realised that me not being able to sit in the back wouldn't be anything to do with my height and was instead because I was (and still am) considerably larger than the other girls. Even though at this point quite a few people were saying to me that they were jealous of my figure, that I was so slim, and that they wished they looked like me, I always felt like they were lying (even though I've never opened up to anyone about my weight issues). This has been an ongoing battle for more years than I care to imagine, and in the next few weeks I am aiming to have started my permanent journey to lose weight (as I have tried to lose weight before but it has never been completely successful).
My looks
I have always known that I have never been one of the most prettiest of girls on this planet, and for this reason I have always felt myself lacking in confidence. I have worn make-up since year 8/9 as a way for me to cover up my imperfections and make myself feel slightly pretty. The only time when I haven't worn make-up has either been when I've been at home all day or during most of year 13 when I just wanted a bit longer in bed (as we all do) and just couldn't be bothered with my appearance anymore as I felt that nothing could change the way in which other people saw me. But before then (and now) I couldn't leave the house without a bit of make-up on. If I didn't have that much time in the morning then I would literally just put some mascara on and if I had a few really red spots then I would try and put some concealer on as well. I constantly look down a lot as well in the hope that people can't get a proper look at my face because I'm worried that they might say stuff about it that I might either hear or just make a comment about to someone they are with - even if I can't hear them. I know that things like this shouldn't worry me as nine times out of ten I probably don't even know the person/people I walk past; but it is just something that has always been an insecurity of mine.
Looking at these, I know that some people will have the same or similar insecurities as me, or they might have completely different insecurities. But I guess that we just have to accept that they make us who we are and that we wouldn't be us without them (bit of a cliché I know). I know that I have to accept that the mole on my face, the hair on my arms, my facial and body hair, being an introvert, my body shape, and my looks are all apart of what makes me, me and that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change that. And no one who I either do or don't know should have the power to make me feel like I should change anything about me because if I did change then I wouldn't be being true to myself.
Just so that all of us can learn to love our insecurities, I would like each and every one of you reading this to name one (or more) of your insecurities in the comments below and give a reason why you love that insecurity.
No one should be made to feel that their 'insecurity' is something to be ashamed of. Instead, it is something that should be celebrated and embraced as what makes them who they are. And if anyone does make a comment about you that you might already be insecure about or makes you feel insecure about something that you weren't already (because believe me, it's happened plenty of times to me and that was by people who were meant to bring me up and not down), just remember that they may only be making a comment about it because they're jealous of you and have their own insecurities and want to try and bring you down just so to make them feel better about themselves.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 16 September 2018
My Experience at MAC Cosmetics
(Disclaimer: this is not a sponsored post or an ad, it is just something that I decided to write about after my recent make-up session experience at MAC as it wasn't something that I had previously been aware of so I thought that I would write this to tell others about some of the services that they offer.)
(Another disclaimer: I would just like to apologise to any beauty bloggers that might be offended by how I have written this post or for anything that I didn't previously know about make-up because it's not an area that I specialise in but is just something that I wanted to share with everyone.)
As some of you may or may not know, I turned eighteen in March this year and as a present for my birthday one of my family members paid for me to have a 90-minute make-up session at MAC cosmetics. This was something that I was excited about as I have been wearing make-up since about the age of thirteen but it doesn't matter how many tutorials I have watched on YouTube, I haven't been able to have a real understanding on how to do either a full make-up look or applying certain bits of make-up. I guess due to this reason I was also a little nervous as I thought that the make-up artist who would be helping me with my make-up might find me a little stupid for not knowing how to apply make-up or might get frustrated with me for getting some things wrong.
The 90-minute make-up session at MAC involves both me and the make-up artist applying make-up to my face. This means that she would do one half of my face and would explain what she was doing and then I would do the other half by trying to copy what she had done.
She started off by asking me what my goals were for the end of the session; so what I wanted to have learnt how to do and the kind of make-up look I was going for. I wanted to learn how to do eyeliner, as I can't do it for the life of me, and how to contour because whenever I attempt to contour you either can't tell that I've done it or I've put way too much on and it hasn't necessarily blended in properly with the rest of my make-up. The look I wanted to go for was natural because that is something that I am comfortable with and I am not someone to go for a really bold make-up look as that is not my style.
We started off by doing my eyebrows (which was something that I had never normally done before as when previously doing my make-up I would often leave my eyebrows as one of the last things that I did). She taught me how to do an arch with my eyebrows - which is where you draw a line from the start of your eyebrows to the middle and then use a brush to push up the line into the eyebrows to fill them in. You then draw a line from the middle to the end of the eyebrows and repeat. I also didn't realise (which is probably something that I should have known) that after you've either drawn on or filled in your eyebrows you have to apply some concealer underneath them (and again I can only apologise to any beauty bloggers or make-up artists who might be reading this). You also have to do a similar thing with the top of your eyebrows, however you don't do this until after you've applied your foundation.
We then moved on to my eyes. The look we went for with the eye-shadow was predominantly gold with a bit of a smokey vibe to it. It was at this point that she also taught me how to do eyeliner properly because that it probably one of the things that I am terrible at when it comes to doing my make-up. Before, whenever I'd made some sort of an attempt to do eyeliner I would hold the pen (or pencil) forwards (like how you'd hold a pen to a piece of paper) and would always end up with the line going really wonky and probably ending up on my forehead or pretty much anywhere else on my face other than on my actual eye-line. The make-up artist then suggested that I turn the eyeliner pen on its side and apply the eyeliner that way, as this is meant to make it much easier to apply and means that the line I create should be straighter and not going all over the place. This technique definitely helped me and while I do still kind of struggle when it comes to eyeliner, I would say that I am definitely a lot more confident and less afraid when it comes to applying eyeliner and I'm not too afraid to wear it like I was before.
After this we went on to apply foundation, concealer and powder. Then came highlighting and contouring - which was something that I had told the make-up artist that I struggle with. She said that I just need to apply the powder like a semi-circle around my face - starting on one of my cheeks, going around the outside of my forehead, and then finishing off on my other cheek. I also found that I had possibly been either pressing down too hard on my brush, putting too much powder on, or using a powder that was way too dark and that any of these reasons were probably why I often found that my contour was way too dark and looked really bad.
We finished off the look by applying lipstick (velvet teddy ~ yes it's the one that everyone has and yes it might be a little cliche but you've got to admit it's a really nice colour, suits everyone, and practically goes with every make-up look) and applying a bit of extra highlight (because you can never have too much highlight - am I right or am I right?) - not to forget applying a setting spray to make sure that none of the make-up smudged or faded too quick.
At the end of the session, there's an offer that I had never previously heard of MAC doing (and I probably won't do a very good job of explaining it so please, bear with me).
Basically, the cost of a 90-minute make-up session costs £50. The offer was that you can purchase any MAC products and you get £50 worth of this make-up free - essentially meaning that you either get the lesson for free or £50 worth of make-up for free (depending on the way that you look at it). Admittedly this might not get you that many MAC products as they are one of the higher-end make-up brands but it is a pretty good deal and should definitely be taken advantage of. With this I bought a foundation and one of their eyeshadow pallets (one of the smaller ones with nine colours as I thought it would be easier to take with me whenever I go away).
As I was also given a MAC voucher worth £50, I chose to spend this on the mineralise skinfinish, prep + prime fix+ (shimmer) in pinklite, and a lipstick in the shade twig.
As I stated at the start of this post, this is in no way an ad or a sponsored post by MAC, it is something that I wanted to write about because I wasn't even aware that MAC did this service and figured that if I didn't know about this then there's bound to be a fair few others who also didn't know about it. I also thought that it could possibly help someone who is struggling with a present to buy for a friend or family member as this was definitely a memorable experience for me and I learnt a lot from it and couldn't recommend it enough.
I would also like to point out that MAC do provide other make-up sessions as well, which you can find out more about here.
Love Beth xx
(Another disclaimer: I would just like to apologise to any beauty bloggers that might be offended by how I have written this post or for anything that I didn't previously know about make-up because it's not an area that I specialise in but is just something that I wanted to share with everyone.)
As some of you may or may not know, I turned eighteen in March this year and as a present for my birthday one of my family members paid for me to have a 90-minute make-up session at MAC cosmetics. This was something that I was excited about as I have been wearing make-up since about the age of thirteen but it doesn't matter how many tutorials I have watched on YouTube, I haven't been able to have a real understanding on how to do either a full make-up look or applying certain bits of make-up. I guess due to this reason I was also a little nervous as I thought that the make-up artist who would be helping me with my make-up might find me a little stupid for not knowing how to apply make-up or might get frustrated with me for getting some things wrong.
The 90-minute make-up session at MAC involves both me and the make-up artist applying make-up to my face. This means that she would do one half of my face and would explain what she was doing and then I would do the other half by trying to copy what she had done.
She started off by asking me what my goals were for the end of the session; so what I wanted to have learnt how to do and the kind of make-up look I was going for. I wanted to learn how to do eyeliner, as I can't do it for the life of me, and how to contour because whenever I attempt to contour you either can't tell that I've done it or I've put way too much on and it hasn't necessarily blended in properly with the rest of my make-up. The look I wanted to go for was natural because that is something that I am comfortable with and I am not someone to go for a really bold make-up look as that is not my style.
We started off by doing my eyebrows (which was something that I had never normally done before as when previously doing my make-up I would often leave my eyebrows as one of the last things that I did). She taught me how to do an arch with my eyebrows - which is where you draw a line from the start of your eyebrows to the middle and then use a brush to push up the line into the eyebrows to fill them in. You then draw a line from the middle to the end of the eyebrows and repeat. I also didn't realise (which is probably something that I should have known) that after you've either drawn on or filled in your eyebrows you have to apply some concealer underneath them (and again I can only apologise to any beauty bloggers or make-up artists who might be reading this). You also have to do a similar thing with the top of your eyebrows, however you don't do this until after you've applied your foundation.
We then moved on to my eyes. The look we went for with the eye-shadow was predominantly gold with a bit of a smokey vibe to it. It was at this point that she also taught me how to do eyeliner properly because that it probably one of the things that I am terrible at when it comes to doing my make-up. Before, whenever I'd made some sort of an attempt to do eyeliner I would hold the pen (or pencil) forwards (like how you'd hold a pen to a piece of paper) and would always end up with the line going really wonky and probably ending up on my forehead or pretty much anywhere else on my face other than on my actual eye-line. The make-up artist then suggested that I turn the eyeliner pen on its side and apply the eyeliner that way, as this is meant to make it much easier to apply and means that the line I create should be straighter and not going all over the place. This technique definitely helped me and while I do still kind of struggle when it comes to eyeliner, I would say that I am definitely a lot more confident and less afraid when it comes to applying eyeliner and I'm not too afraid to wear it like I was before.
After this we went on to apply foundation, concealer and powder. Then came highlighting and contouring - which was something that I had told the make-up artist that I struggle with. She said that I just need to apply the powder like a semi-circle around my face - starting on one of my cheeks, going around the outside of my forehead, and then finishing off on my other cheek. I also found that I had possibly been either pressing down too hard on my brush, putting too much powder on, or using a powder that was way too dark and that any of these reasons were probably why I often found that my contour was way too dark and looked really bad.
We finished off the look by applying lipstick (velvet teddy ~ yes it's the one that everyone has and yes it might be a little cliche but you've got to admit it's a really nice colour, suits everyone, and practically goes with every make-up look) and applying a bit of extra highlight (because you can never have too much highlight - am I right or am I right?) - not to forget applying a setting spray to make sure that none of the make-up smudged or faded too quick.
At the end of the session, there's an offer that I had never previously heard of MAC doing (and I probably won't do a very good job of explaining it so please, bear with me).
Basically, the cost of a 90-minute make-up session costs £50. The offer was that you can purchase any MAC products and you get £50 worth of this make-up free - essentially meaning that you either get the lesson for free or £50 worth of make-up for free (depending on the way that you look at it). Admittedly this might not get you that many MAC products as they are one of the higher-end make-up brands but it is a pretty good deal and should definitely be taken advantage of. With this I bought a foundation and one of their eyeshadow pallets (one of the smaller ones with nine colours as I thought it would be easier to take with me whenever I go away).
As I was also given a MAC voucher worth £50, I chose to spend this on the mineralise skinfinish, prep + prime fix+ (shimmer) in pinklite, and a lipstick in the shade twig.
As I stated at the start of this post, this is in no way an ad or a sponsored post by MAC, it is something that I wanted to write about because I wasn't even aware that MAC did this service and figured that if I didn't know about this then there's bound to be a fair few others who also didn't know about it. I also thought that it could possibly help someone who is struggling with a present to buy for a friend or family member as this was definitely a memorable experience for me and I learnt a lot from it and couldn't recommend it enough.
I would also like to point out that MAC do provide other make-up sessions as well, which you can find out more about here.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 9 September 2018
My Experience with Driving Lessons and the Driving Test
So on Monday (3rd September) I, by some miracle, managed to pass my driving test first time with only six minors. As I was a little scared to start learning how to drive at first, which was why it took me almost a year after turning seventeen for me to start driving lessons (as well as for a few other reasons), I thought that I would write a post on my experience with driving lessons and the driving test to try and stop anyone else's nerves when it comes to learning how to drive and to inform you on what it entails as when I first started learning how to drive I was completely clueless on everything.
I first started driving lessons at the end of February this year and it is safe to say that I was really nervous about starting. However after a few lessons I finally got used to it and began to develop my skills as a learner driver. Instead of doing a load of skills in one lesson, my instructor would always choose one thing to teach me so that I could spend the whole of that lesson learning how to do that certain skill; such as dealing with junctions, roundabouts, parking in a bay, parallel parking, etc. He always remained as calm as he could with me so as to not stress me out (which does happen very easily) and if I ever went wrong he would tell me how I could improve it (such as if I was slightly over a line when parking I could try shunting) and would also tell me where I had gone wrong so that I knew not to do that the next time. This proved to be very beneficial to me and I saw myself gradually managing to progress my skills over time and comparing what I was like when I first started learning how to drive to now really does make me realise how much progress I have made in just six months.
Overall I had 37 hours worth of driving lessons and barely any practice in my own car with my dad, which is pretty good considering the national average is 45 hours worth of lessons with an instructor and 22 hours in your own/your parents/someone else's car. However just because I did better than the national average doesn't necessarily mean that I am a better driver than those who have taken longer to learn how to drive and pass their test or those who have put more hours in. I know people who have passed their test quicker than I have; and I also know people who took longer to pass their test than I did. I also know people who didn't pass their test on the first go. But does that mean that they are a bad driver? Of course it doesn't.
I don't think that my driving test went too badly. I was okay when I woke up and through most of the lesson I had before the test (although as the time before I took my test came closer I started to feel really nervous to the point where I thought I was going to be sick). Before the test my instructor had told me that the test would go by really quickly and would be over and done with before I knew it (and he was right). He also told me that he wanted to leave it until the very last possible minute for us to get to the test centre as the worst bit is when you're in the waiting room (it's true, I almost threw up and I was only waiting for a couple of minutes) so I'm very glad that he chose to do that.
For those of you who don't know, you will be given a 'tell me' question at the start of the test and a 'show me' question at any point during your test. My 'tell me' question was 'open the bonnet and tell me how you'd check that you have a safe level of hydraulic brake fluid', which was lucky because the only questions that I properly knew were ones involving opening the bonnet. This meant that because I was confident with the answer I gave, I was feeling reasonably calm about the rest of the test. I was given my 'show me' question towards the end of the test, which was 'when it's safe to do so, can you show me how you'd switch on your dipped headlights?'. It is important when asked the 'show me' questions that you do only carry them out when it's safe (for example when you're not dealing with any head-to-heads) so that you don't put yourself or anyone else in any danger.
I'm not going to go into all of the minors that I got, however I am going to talk about one which almost made me fail. I had gotten to a junction and on the main road there was a filter lane that I would have had to deal with (I was turning right) and a roundabout about 100 yards away. Even though the road was only 30mph and there were some opportunities where I possibly could have gone, I decided not to because I was worried about how long it might take me to get out of the junction and whether in that time a car would be too close to me for me to be able to get out safely. There was also a couple of times where the road was fairly clear but I could see someone was going into the filter lane, which was why I decided not to pull out. At the end of the test this was the only thing that the examiner mentioned and he said that if I had missed any other opportunities he would have had to fail me. So even though it pays to be a safe driver, you also need to make sure that you aren't holding any traffic up as this means that you are messing with the 'flow' of being on the road (and there were a few cars behind me at this point), so if you see an opportunity and reckon you will have time to go then go for it (but obviously without risking anyone's life).
What I wish I had done was spend a bit more time practising in my own car with my dad as a way of developing the skills that I had learnt in my driving lessons as there would be times when I would go over a week without having a lesson; which, especially in the first few months of me learning how to drive, meant that my driving would be a bit jittery and I might have forgotten one or two of the things that I had learnt in my previous lesson. I feel that if I had tried to do more lessons with my dad that I might have been able to further improve my driving skills and become a bit more confident with my driving, which might have meant that I may have performed better in my test. This also would have meant that I would have had more of a chance to get used to driving in my own car with 'L' plates on because my car is a petrol, however I learnt in a diesel which means that driving my car is going to be quite different; especially as it is a lot easier to stall my car than it was with my instructor's.
I would say that when it comes to picking an instructor for yourself, you might want to shop around a bit for instructors in your local area to compare prices. You could also ask people at school (or anyone in your local area) who are either currently learning to drive or who have already passed their test which instructor they used and ask them if they would recommend them. But don't necessarily go for the instructor that's the cheapest. I've found that the instructor's prices in my area are all around the same. I have also had it recommended to me to choose an independent driving instructor and not someone who works for one of the bigger driving schools as they tend to be more expensive, not as flexible, and don't always do personalised lessons which are needed (however this is just what I've heard and doesn't necessarily apply to every instructor working for a huge driving school). At the end of the day it's based on your personal preference and who you feel most comfortable in who you choose to learn how to drive with.
I know that I'm in no means qualified to say to you what you should do about your driving lessons or when you should start taking them. I started when I was almost eighteen but some people start as soon as they turn seventeen and others start when they are a few years older. Just go with whatever you feel is best and if you find that you aren't enjoying them or that your instructor isn't the right person for you for whatever reason (such as you don't get on with one another) then you can always stop and find another instructor or just do whatever you feel is right at that time; even if it means stopping driving lessons altogether.
If you have any other questions about my experience with learning how to drive or anything driving related (or not) then please feel free to ask. Any contact details that you might need are in the contacts tab at the top of the page.
Love Beth xx
I first started driving lessons at the end of February this year and it is safe to say that I was really nervous about starting. However after a few lessons I finally got used to it and began to develop my skills as a learner driver. Instead of doing a load of skills in one lesson, my instructor would always choose one thing to teach me so that I could spend the whole of that lesson learning how to do that certain skill; such as dealing with junctions, roundabouts, parking in a bay, parallel parking, etc. He always remained as calm as he could with me so as to not stress me out (which does happen very easily) and if I ever went wrong he would tell me how I could improve it (such as if I was slightly over a line when parking I could try shunting) and would also tell me where I had gone wrong so that I knew not to do that the next time. This proved to be very beneficial to me and I saw myself gradually managing to progress my skills over time and comparing what I was like when I first started learning how to drive to now really does make me realise how much progress I have made in just six months.
Overall I had 37 hours worth of driving lessons and barely any practice in my own car with my dad, which is pretty good considering the national average is 45 hours worth of lessons with an instructor and 22 hours in your own/your parents/someone else's car. However just because I did better than the national average doesn't necessarily mean that I am a better driver than those who have taken longer to learn how to drive and pass their test or those who have put more hours in. I know people who have passed their test quicker than I have; and I also know people who took longer to pass their test than I did. I also know people who didn't pass their test on the first go. But does that mean that they are a bad driver? Of course it doesn't.
I don't think that my driving test went too badly. I was okay when I woke up and through most of the lesson I had before the test (although as the time before I took my test came closer I started to feel really nervous to the point where I thought I was going to be sick). Before the test my instructor had told me that the test would go by really quickly and would be over and done with before I knew it (and he was right). He also told me that he wanted to leave it until the very last possible minute for us to get to the test centre as the worst bit is when you're in the waiting room (it's true, I almost threw up and I was only waiting for a couple of minutes) so I'm very glad that he chose to do that.
For those of you who don't know, you will be given a 'tell me' question at the start of the test and a 'show me' question at any point during your test. My 'tell me' question was 'open the bonnet and tell me how you'd check that you have a safe level of hydraulic brake fluid', which was lucky because the only questions that I properly knew were ones involving opening the bonnet. This meant that because I was confident with the answer I gave, I was feeling reasonably calm about the rest of the test. I was given my 'show me' question towards the end of the test, which was 'when it's safe to do so, can you show me how you'd switch on your dipped headlights?'. It is important when asked the 'show me' questions that you do only carry them out when it's safe (for example when you're not dealing with any head-to-heads) so that you don't put yourself or anyone else in any danger.
I'm not going to go into all of the minors that I got, however I am going to talk about one which almost made me fail. I had gotten to a junction and on the main road there was a filter lane that I would have had to deal with (I was turning right) and a roundabout about 100 yards away. Even though the road was only 30mph and there were some opportunities where I possibly could have gone, I decided not to because I was worried about how long it might take me to get out of the junction and whether in that time a car would be too close to me for me to be able to get out safely. There was also a couple of times where the road was fairly clear but I could see someone was going into the filter lane, which was why I decided not to pull out. At the end of the test this was the only thing that the examiner mentioned and he said that if I had missed any other opportunities he would have had to fail me. So even though it pays to be a safe driver, you also need to make sure that you aren't holding any traffic up as this means that you are messing with the 'flow' of being on the road (and there were a few cars behind me at this point), so if you see an opportunity and reckon you will have time to go then go for it (but obviously without risking anyone's life).
What I wish I had done was spend a bit more time practising in my own car with my dad as a way of developing the skills that I had learnt in my driving lessons as there would be times when I would go over a week without having a lesson; which, especially in the first few months of me learning how to drive, meant that my driving would be a bit jittery and I might have forgotten one or two of the things that I had learnt in my previous lesson. I feel that if I had tried to do more lessons with my dad that I might have been able to further improve my driving skills and become a bit more confident with my driving, which might have meant that I may have performed better in my test. This also would have meant that I would have had more of a chance to get used to driving in my own car with 'L' plates on because my car is a petrol, however I learnt in a diesel which means that driving my car is going to be quite different; especially as it is a lot easier to stall my car than it was with my instructor's.
I would say that when it comes to picking an instructor for yourself, you might want to shop around a bit for instructors in your local area to compare prices. You could also ask people at school (or anyone in your local area) who are either currently learning to drive or who have already passed their test which instructor they used and ask them if they would recommend them. But don't necessarily go for the instructor that's the cheapest. I've found that the instructor's prices in my area are all around the same. I have also had it recommended to me to choose an independent driving instructor and not someone who works for one of the bigger driving schools as they tend to be more expensive, not as flexible, and don't always do personalised lessons which are needed (however this is just what I've heard and doesn't necessarily apply to every instructor working for a huge driving school). At the end of the day it's based on your personal preference and who you feel most comfortable in who you choose to learn how to drive with.
I know that I'm in no means qualified to say to you what you should do about your driving lessons or when you should start taking them. I started when I was almost eighteen but some people start as soon as they turn seventeen and others start when they are a few years older. Just go with whatever you feel is best and if you find that you aren't enjoying them or that your instructor isn't the right person for you for whatever reason (such as you don't get on with one another) then you can always stop and find another instructor or just do whatever you feel is right at that time; even if it means stopping driving lessons altogether.
If you have any other questions about my experience with learning how to drive or anything driving related (or not) then please feel free to ask. Any contact details that you might need are in the contacts tab at the top of the page.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 2 September 2018
Still OBSESSED with my EX - is this normal?
As I have mentioned in previous posts, me and my ex-boyfriend broke up in November last year. I have also mentioned that he was my first boyfriend and I have seen many people say before that you never forget your first love. I never doubted this for a second as I can't see myself ever forgetting anyone who ever played a part in my life as they will always hold a place in my heart, no matter whether they left a positive or negative impact on me. But ever since me and my ex broke up, even though I have completely gotten over any feelings I ever had for him for quite a few months now, I still find myself reminiscing on the time that we spent together, and how if I had acted differently or if certain events hadn't of happened, wondering whether we would still be together or not.
There isn't any part of me that wants to get back with him. He is definitely not my type and as we were really good friends before we started going out, I only went out with him because I did have genuine feelings for him and thought that our relationship could actually go somewhere. With anyone who I have ever 'talked' to before, things have always ended pretty badly for one reason or another, so I thought that with him things would be different as he was no where near the same as any of the others. At the time he seemed like a genuinely nice person who actually cared about me and I knew that he wouldn't hurt my feelings or 'play' me as others had. Anyone who is my type typically tends to be tall and sporty with brown hair. He wasn't as tall as those who I normally go for when we first started going out (although anyone is tall compared to me and he did grow quite a bit over time), not at all sporty, and had blonde hair.
Even though I am well and truly over him, I find myself constantly either thinking about him or wondering what he's doing or seeing what he's been doing on social media. Even though I only have him on one social media platform now, I guess I like to see what he's doing with his life right now. I'm not sure if this is to see who he has in his life right now or to see if he's living a better life without me (which he obviously isn't because he doesn't have me in his life anymore - I'm KIDDING) but I just like to try and keep myself updated. Obviously I do hear stuff from other people, which hasn't been anything good and he does seem to be either acting completely differently from when I was with him or he was always like this but this side of his personality has only just decided to come out. All I can say is that I'm glad that I got a glimpse of what he's actually like (to an extent) and that others have realised what he's like as well because it's not that he's not a nice person but he does brag about certain aspects of his life (for example, the fact that his family are reasonably well-off) and looks down at others who he feels are worth less than him (and for the record he is worth NOTHING).
I know that I find myself thinking about him quite often, however I'm not sure if this is because I miss him or if it's because I'm quite lonely and miss having someone around all the time and having someone to talk to late at night and when I'm feeling down. There are some things that I don't miss about having a boyfriend; such as the constant feeling of annoyance by some things that he did or finding myself getting mad at him for the smallest of things that he did (and of course the larger things). But I also miss being able to spend the majority of my time with someone who I really love and care about and being able to share and make both good and bad memories with.
But realistically, am I feeling this way because I'm lonely, or because I actually miss my ex? I think that it's a bit of both.
On the one hand, I know that I am lonely and miss having that special person in my life who I could share everything with, as well as potentially having a future with them. This also leads on to the fact that I am scared that I'm not going to meet 'the one' and that I'm going to end up on my own for the rest of my life. I get that it's easy for people to say "you're still young" or "you'll find someone soon" but all of my friends are either in long-term relationships or have boys queuing up in their inbox; whereas as I literally have nobody.
On the other hand, I guess in some ways that I do miss my ex. We were really good friends before we started going out and it's kind of a shame that we have never been able to go back to how we used to be. I guess it was also the reality of when we finished sixth form that I would never see or hear from him again. I know that deep down he's not a bad person and I think that it's fair to say that I know (or did know) him better than anyone, but it is what's on the surface that makes you judge a person - and what I can see on the surface I really don't like.
So am I still obsessed with my ex?
I'm not sure what any of you will think of whether I am still obsessed with him or not from what you've read on here, but in my opinion I don't think that I am obsessed with him in any way. Yes, I do still think about him and in some ways wish that I could change either how I acted or change some situations that happened during our time together. However I think that this is more to do with the fact that I miss having someone around who I can talk to and be around pretty much everyday and essentially share my whole life with, instead of being on my own 24/7. I think about what we did together because I miss having a boyfriend and I am ready to try and find someone else (preferably someone who is a much better match for me than he ever was). Because at the end of the day I also miss one or two other people who I was talking to and that could have led to a relationship, however never did for one reason or another. So therefore I can't necessarily be just obsessed with my ex if I still think about the others in a similar way that I do about him, because the other two were genuinely people who I could have ended up being with. So no, I'm not still obsessed with my ex, I just miss everything about being in a relationship.
Do any of you feel like this? Do you find yourself stalking your ex on social media? Do you find that you still miss him/her? Or are you like me and just purely lonely and wish you had that special someone back in your life again? I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter so please feel free to either comment them below or reach out to me in any other way. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of this page (and please tell me that I'm not alone in feeling this way). Also, please feel free to pass your own judgement on whether you think I am still obsessed with my ex or not. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this.
Love Beth xx
There isn't any part of me that wants to get back with him. He is definitely not my type and as we were really good friends before we started going out, I only went out with him because I did have genuine feelings for him and thought that our relationship could actually go somewhere. With anyone who I have ever 'talked' to before, things have always ended pretty badly for one reason or another, so I thought that with him things would be different as he was no where near the same as any of the others. At the time he seemed like a genuinely nice person who actually cared about me and I knew that he wouldn't hurt my feelings or 'play' me as others had. Anyone who is my type typically tends to be tall and sporty with brown hair. He wasn't as tall as those who I normally go for when we first started going out (although anyone is tall compared to me and he did grow quite a bit over time), not at all sporty, and had blonde hair.
Even though I am well and truly over him, I find myself constantly either thinking about him or wondering what he's doing or seeing what he's been doing on social media. Even though I only have him on one social media platform now, I guess I like to see what he's doing with his life right now. I'm not sure if this is to see who he has in his life right now or to see if he's living a better life without me (which he obviously isn't because he doesn't have me in his life anymore - I'm KIDDING) but I just like to try and keep myself updated. Obviously I do hear stuff from other people, which hasn't been anything good and he does seem to be either acting completely differently from when I was with him or he was always like this but this side of his personality has only just decided to come out. All I can say is that I'm glad that I got a glimpse of what he's actually like (to an extent) and that others have realised what he's like as well because it's not that he's not a nice person but he does brag about certain aspects of his life (for example, the fact that his family are reasonably well-off) and looks down at others who he feels are worth less than him (and for the record he is worth NOTHING).
I know that I find myself thinking about him quite often, however I'm not sure if this is because I miss him or if it's because I'm quite lonely and miss having someone around all the time and having someone to talk to late at night and when I'm feeling down. There are some things that I don't miss about having a boyfriend; such as the constant feeling of annoyance by some things that he did or finding myself getting mad at him for the smallest of things that he did (and of course the larger things). But I also miss being able to spend the majority of my time with someone who I really love and care about and being able to share and make both good and bad memories with.
But realistically, am I feeling this way because I'm lonely, or because I actually miss my ex? I think that it's a bit of both.
On the one hand, I know that I am lonely and miss having that special person in my life who I could share everything with, as well as potentially having a future with them. This also leads on to the fact that I am scared that I'm not going to meet 'the one' and that I'm going to end up on my own for the rest of my life. I get that it's easy for people to say "you're still young" or "you'll find someone soon" but all of my friends are either in long-term relationships or have boys queuing up in their inbox; whereas as I literally have nobody.
On the other hand, I guess in some ways that I do miss my ex. We were really good friends before we started going out and it's kind of a shame that we have never been able to go back to how we used to be. I guess it was also the reality of when we finished sixth form that I would never see or hear from him again. I know that deep down he's not a bad person and I think that it's fair to say that I know (or did know) him better than anyone, but it is what's on the surface that makes you judge a person - and what I can see on the surface I really don't like.
So am I still obsessed with my ex?
I'm not sure what any of you will think of whether I am still obsessed with him or not from what you've read on here, but in my opinion I don't think that I am obsessed with him in any way. Yes, I do still think about him and in some ways wish that I could change either how I acted or change some situations that happened during our time together. However I think that this is more to do with the fact that I miss having someone around who I can talk to and be around pretty much everyday and essentially share my whole life with, instead of being on my own 24/7. I think about what we did together because I miss having a boyfriend and I am ready to try and find someone else (preferably someone who is a much better match for me than he ever was). Because at the end of the day I also miss one or two other people who I was talking to and that could have led to a relationship, however never did for one reason or another. So therefore I can't necessarily be just obsessed with my ex if I still think about the others in a similar way that I do about him, because the other two were genuinely people who I could have ended up being with. So no, I'm not still obsessed with my ex, I just miss everything about being in a relationship.
Do any of you feel like this? Do you find yourself stalking your ex on social media? Do you find that you still miss him/her? Or are you like me and just purely lonely and wish you had that special someone back in your life again? I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter so please feel free to either comment them below or reach out to me in any other way. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of this page (and please tell me that I'm not alone in feeling this way). Also, please feel free to pass your own judgement on whether you think I am still obsessed with my ex or not. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this.
Love Beth xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)