The Key to Happiness

Life is all about being happy. If you're not happy then something is definitely up. And in order to try and be happy, you might need to make a few adjustments to your life. It doesn't matter what those adjustments are; what's most important is that you are happy.

As some of you may or may not already know, I have depression. And I'm guessing that some of you reading this will also have depression; or might suffer from some short bouts of depression from time to time. If this is the case then you will know that it is important that you are in a happy and healthy environment all the time. If you are not then this can cause you to become pretty unhappy. And I know that some of you may feel like you can't escape the environment where you feel most unhappy. I don't want any of you to feel that way. I don't want any of you to feel like you're trapped. I want you all to feel that if you're in a place that makes you unhappy, that you should be able to get out of that place. 

Now, some of you may feel like this is impossible in some cases. Let me assure you that it isn't: even though it may feel like it at the time. You are aloud to get out of that place in order to try and find happiness. For some of you, you may feel really unhappy at home. This doesn't mean that you have to stay trapped in your own home and that you're not aloud to leave. You could go into town with your friends or; if you're like me and live in the countryside with no way of getting into town, you could go and find a field or anywhere that's quiet, and walk around or sit down and listen to music. Just do anything that makes you happy I guess.

It's also important to know that you shouldn't keep your feelings to yourself. You could maybe keep a journal or a diary and write down how you're feeling. You should never keep your feelings bottled up because, eventually, they'll all come spilling out when you least expect it. If you feel comfortable enough you could talk to a friend. If it's work or school related then you could talk to a work colleague or let one of your teachers know how you're feeling. I know that you may feel like your teachers have more important things to worry about; however they aren't just there to teach you. They are there to help you with absolutely anything and everything. Your teacher would rather you go to them and tell you how you're really feeling so that when it comes to your lessons you can concentrate slightly better; rather than not saying anything and not being able to concentrate because you have all of these feelings bottled up inside you. 

I want you all to know that no matter what makes you unhappy, it can always be solved to make you happy again. Your feelings are the most important thing and you need to make them priority. Never hide how you're really feeling because the people closest to you will be able to see right through you: so even if you tell them you feel fine, they'll be able to tell that you're not. And they are also the people that you should keep in your life. If you tell someone you're fine when you're really not and they can't tell that you're lying, they are not worth keeping in your life. No matter how much they mean to you at that moment, chances are they won't be staying in your life for much longer anyway. 

Remember: happiness is one of the most important things that should be in your life.

Love Beth xx

Let's Talk Mental Health

Mental health is one of those things where not many people talk about it. It's like the elephant in the room. It's always going to be there but for some reason, it always seems to be overlooked. People have it; yet they don't like talking about it. But why is that? For those of us living in the U.K., 1 in 4 of us will experience some kind of mental health problem each year. There are also currently 450 MILLION of us suffering from mental health problems. Yet hardly any of us bother to talk about it.

Have you ever heard of the saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved'? Surely if we all lived on that basis, everyone would be talking about their mental health problems in order to, at least, halve their problems. Yet we don't. It seems like most of us are too afraid to talk about the problems we have because we feel as if we're going to be judged. But if most of the people we meet in life have a mental health problem, then surely no one will judge us for it. And we shouldn't be judged anyway because it is something that we are going to have to live with for the rest of our lives. Even if the problem does seem to go away for a bit, it always seems to come back when you least expect it.

I guess that most of us don't talk about our mental health because we're scared that we'll be showing our weakness. No one wants to appear weak which is why none of us want to show our weaknesses. We probably think that because it's a MENTAL health problem, no one can see it. This is true but by not talking about it, it just causes more problems. It's like you're living with this thing that you, and only you, knows about and by trying to keep it away from everyone else, it just gives you more stress because you're trying to keep this massive part of your life away from everyone around you. And that's not okay because, as someone who has anxiety, it is really important that you keep your stress levels to a minimum to avoid getting over-stressed and making your mental health even worse.

It is important to understand that by talking about your mental health, you are showing absolutely no signs of weakness. You are, in fact, showing all of your strengths. Talking about mental health openly is a very difficult thing to do; so for you to go and do that is a great achievement. You should be proud of yourself for just casually bringing it up when in conversation with someone. I'm not saying that you should go around and tell everyone you meet about your mental health because you don't need to do that. If you are having a deep conversation with someone, you could maybe casually bring it up and talk about it a bit. Or if your teacher is asking you to do a presentation in front of the class and you have anxiety, at the end of the class you could talk to your teacher about it and try and agree on another way for you to do the task. 

You should also always make sure that you are in complete control of your mental health. If you are in a situation that you are not completely comfortable in, remove yourself immediately. Similarly, if you are going to be in a situation that you're not completely comfortable about going to, don't bother going. People will understand that you can't make it for this reason and if they can't and are trying to force you into this situation, you might need to re-evaluate the people that are in your life. You need to understand that you're not being weak by not going to these things or having to remove yourself from a situation: it's actually a strength because not a lot of people could do that.

I'm not saying you should stay well within your comfort zone for the rest of your life because then you wouldn't do anything. What I'm saying is that you should slowly try to edge further and further out of your comfort zone and take one step at a time with it. Don't try and get straight out of your comfort zone and force yourself into situations that you don't particularly like because it will do nothing for your mental health. It will only make it worse. 

Please don't be afraid to talk about your mental health and always remember that it's a sign of strength; not a sign of weakness. And don't be afraid to talk to me about any struggles you may have. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of the page.

Remember: you are a strong person who doesn't let their mental health define them.

Love Beth xx

Only Be With Those Who Support You

A little over a week ago, I heard something that definitely shocked me. I know both of the people involved (admittedly I know one a lot better than the other) and I was really shocked that someone who I thought was such a kind and caring person could do this. I know that there are some people out there who are like this, but I never expected this person to be one of those people. He seemed like such a genuine person and I guess that with what was going on, I can kind of understand where he was coming from with this but it definitely isn't okay and I want to raise awareness on this issue so that people in his position know what they can do to help and so that people in her position know that what happened isn't okay and that they shouldn't be around that type of person; no matter how you might feel about them.  I also want to make it clear that I don't know the full extent of this story so one or two of the facts that I put in might not be entirely true. However I wanted to share this story with you so that everyone reading this knows what is and isn't okay with what happened. 

Before I go on, for confidentiality reasons, I don't want to use the names of the two people involved as I don't know who is reading this. I don't really expect either of the two people involved or the people that either know me or them to be reading this post as, as far as I'm aware of, none of the people I know know that I blog. So for confidentiality reasons, I'm going to call the boy Jed and the girl Millie.

A little over two years, Jed and Millie started talking to each other. As far as I know the first time they'd met was at my friends party; which was just before they started talking to each other. I'm not sure how long they'd been talking to each other for when Jed asked Millie out. However Millie, at that point, was self-harming. They ended up breaking up not long after he'd asked her out because Jed 'couldn't cope' with Millie self-harming. This, obviously, made things worse for Millie and she ended up self-harming even more because, I guess, Jed had made her feel like she wasn't worth it. 

I want you all to know that this isn't okay. If there is anyone you know who self-harms, make sure that they know that they are worth it and make sure that you do everything possible to stop them self-harming. One of my really close friends was depressed and used to self-harm and it got to the point where she was trying to end her life; but I'm so thankful that she didn't. You just need to let that person know that you love them and do everything in your power to stop them self-harming. I know that it's a lot easier said than done but you need to make that person know that self-harm isn't the answer. You need to let them know that they are worth it because even if you can't cope with what they're doing to themselves, they're 100% guaranteed to be coping a lot less with it than you are. 

If you do self-harm, I want you to know that what Jed did to Millie isn't okay. He shouldn't have treated her like that. If there is someone in your life who doesn't make you feel like you're worth it, and this applies to everyone, then get that person out of your life and don't let them back in. Okay so you might love that person or you may feel as if that person is too big a part in your life; but trust me, they shouldn't be there. If they tell you that they can't cope with your self-harm, I know it's hard for them but they should be the one to make you see that you are worth it and to try and help you stop. For them to say they can't cope with it and to walk away isn't okay. They should be there for you as much as they possibly can and it shouldn't be up to them to just get up and walk right out of your life; all because they can't cope. 

If you do self-harm and want to talk to someone about it then please don't be afraid to talk to me. If there are any other issues that you want to talk about, or maybe if you want me to talk about them in a future blog post, then please don't be afraid to ask. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of the page.

I love you and I want you all to know that you are worth it.

Love Beth xx

Never Settle For Second Best

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before (there are pretty much only two main things I talk about on this blog - boys and mental health) but there is this one boy (see, I told you) who I've liked for a while now and I'm pretty surprised that we're still talking to each other; despite now going to different schools and having not seen him properly for a while. Anyway, I want to talk to you today about something that happened with him a few months ago and how I was involved with this. I'm pretty sure I have mentioned this to you before but I've never really gone into much detail about it and why it's not okay, which is what my aim is to do today.

Basically, a few months ago this boy got a girlfriend. We'd been talking to each other for a couple of months at this stage but I really liked him. Okay so he might not have known that I liked him and I'm guessing he didn't like me (in that way) back, which is probably why he got a girlfriend. Only he never actually told me he had a girlfriend and it was my friend who told me a couple of weeks after it happened. I'd spent the majority of those two weeks texting or snapchatting him first and I have to admit, there was something weird about it. He never really seemed interested in talking to me and would take hours (and in one case days) to reply. 

I found out that he had a girlfriend when I was on DofE and was pretty angry about it. I couldn't take my phone with me on DofE so I had no way of asking him about it so I guess it's kind of lucky in a way that I had a few days to calm down about it before talking to him. When I got home a few days later I messaged him about it and he didn't reply straight away. In fact he didn't reply at all! All I'd sent him was 'hey, how come you never told me you have a girlfriend?' because I guess I just wanted an explanation and didn't really want to stay angry at him. As soon as I saw that he'd seen my message, I just felt like he'd turned into a stranger. I'm also not afraid to admit that I cried about it because he meant so much to me and, in some ways, it kind of felt like I'd lost him; even though he was never mine to lose. 

About a month later he broke up with this girl (I don't exactly know why) and started talking to me again. When I first saw that he text me I was kind of annoyed that he thought he could come straight back to me after what had happened and was going to just ignore him completely. However, that lasted about ten minutes. I replied to him and we've been talking a bit ever since then. I guess I still like him but there are still things about him that I find myself getting annoyed at. I'm not entirely sure why I still talk to him as much as I do and why I find myself missing him constantly. I guess it's just how he makes me feel when he talks to me and how happy I am when he texts me or calls me.

What I want to tell you today is that you shouldn't settle for second best. I don't know how many girls this boy messages and if he sees them all as just friends or something more. It doesn't matter how happy he makes me feel, there's always this voice in the back of my mind saying that if he chose a girl over me once and when that didn't work out he came running back to me, then he's going to do it again. 

I'm stupid enough to let him back into my life without talking to him about how I really felt with this whole thing. You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't let anyone walk all over you. You should make him know his place and make him understand how you felt. But you should never feel okay with being second best. You should never lie awake at night wondering why he chose her over you. You should always be put first. And if he can't do that, then find someone who will. You deserve the best because you're better than he'll ever be. If he can't put you first then he's pretty stupid. 

If you ever want to talk to someone about your  relationship troubles (not that I'm any good at them) or anything else for that matter, then please feel free to talk to me. I promise that I won't judge you and I'll try to give you the best advice possible for you. And if you're not happy with that advice then you don't have to use it; I don't mind. All of my contact details are in the tab at the top of the page.

Remember: you should always come first.

Love Beth xx