Saturday 30 July 2016

You Can't See Everything

Today I thought I'd talk to you about something that is a recurring theme in my blog posts. This is something that I'm pretty sure everyone is aware of; yet not much seems to be done about it. And that is mental illnesses.

They're called mental illnesses for a reason. It's everything that goes on in your head that makes you feel or be a certain way. Now, this absolutely doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. Your mental illness is a part of who you are as a person: but you can't also let it control your life. For example, I have social anxiety so if I'm feeling particularly anxious about an event, or even just meeting up with friends, I will often make up an excuse about why I can't suddenly go. This is because I over-think everything and in my mind I come up with all the things that could possibly go wrong with whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. 

This isn't the sort of person I want to be. I want to be the sort of person who can turn up to everything I'm asked to go to without having any insecurities about it or trying to back out of it. I hate being like this and, if you have the same problem, I'm sure you are too. 

I think one of the worst parts of it is having to overcome your fears. Now, everyone has their own fears. Some people might make fun of someone else's fear because it might seem to them as something stupid or too small a fear to be afraid of. No matter how much someone makes fun of you for your fear, it's not something you should be ashamed of. They might have a fear that you see as something that is stupid to be afraid of. Just because you're not scared of something doesn't mean everyone else can't be scared of it. It's the same with other people being scared of something you're not. Just because they're scared of it doesn't mean you can make fun of them for it.

Another part of having a mental illness is that you can't see it. In fact, most people that you see in the street are probably dealing with some kind of mental illness: it's just that you cant see it. These complete strangers who you've never met before and will probably never see again are all dealing with something that you don't know about. It's also the same with people who you know. People who you go to school or work with could easily be dealing with having a mental illness and you have no idea about it. 

The problem with mental illnesses is that a lot of people who have them never talk about it because society doesn't necessarily view it as a major problem because they can't see that you have it so just automatically presume that it's not there. I don't know why that is. I know that recently there have been more people in the media who have come forward and spoken about their own struggles with mental illness which has, in some ways, encouraged others to be more open about it. And that's a good thing because the problem isn't just going to go away by itself. 

That's another thing about mental illnesses. They're always going to be there. I mean, if it's particularly bad then you can go to your doctor and get some medication for it and there's a variety of different people you can go to talk about it. It's always better to talk to someone about your problems instead of keeping them bottled up because you always feel better afterwards. It's like me with this blog. I quite often mention a certain problem I have and it always seems like a massive weight has been taken off my shoulders. 

As many of you know there is a massive difference in how physical illnesses are seen to how mental illnesses are seen. The best way I can think of describing is if we imagine the physical illness being a broken bone and the mental illness being depression. If someone came into school with a cast on because they'd broken a bone, everyone will rush forward in order to try and be the first person to sign it. If they broke they're ankle and were on crutches, people might move out of the way for them so that the person on crutches doesn't have to try  and get around them. They'll also open doors for them or maybe offer to carry they're bags to class. If someone else had depression and started telling people about it, not everyone would behave in the same way as they had with the person with the broken bone. Most people would probably start to ignore that person which would just make them feel worse about themselves. If they were walking past that person they might give them an awkward smile but wouldn't bother to check if they're okay or if they need any help. Granted, not everyone is like this and some people would go out of their way to make sure that that person is alright and just trying to take their mind off things; and most importantly trying to make them happy. I know it's not easy but if someone's ill then we automatically want to make them better. So why should this be different on whether the illness is physical or mental?

I hope that this post might have made it a bit clearer that the only difference to mental and physical illnesses is that you can't see mental illnesses whereas you can see physical illnesses. I also hope that it made it clear to you that that should be the only difference between them. The way in which they are treated should be exactly the same. 

If you ever need to talk about anything remember that you can talk to me. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of the page.

Love Beth xx

Sunday 24 July 2016

Dear Boys

Boys. They're a complicated species. As a girl I find it difficult to work out how a boy is feeling and what his thoughts are. And yes, it does get very frustrating. And more often than not they turn out to be the complete opposite of what you thought they were. You think that they're nice and that you're the only girl that he talks to (in a more than friends way) when actually he talks to a lot of other girls and suddenly starts to ignore you. In other words; he's what everyone warned you he was like but you chose to ignore them because you thought you really knew him: when you didn't.

I'm not saying all boys are like this. Quite a few of them are genuine and really mean it when they tell you they miss you or are concerned about you if you're feeling down or not your usual self. But even if they do talk to other girls they can still mean it when they say they miss you. It's just that if you are a girl and you find out that they boy you like also talks to other girls, you can't help but wonder what he says to them. You have no way of seeing those messages. You don't know if what he's saying to you he's also saying to the other girls. You don't know if a message he sends to you telling you that he misses you wasn't really for you and was actually for one of the other girls. But because at this point you're either 'just friends' or slightly more, you have no say in who he talks to. But it's just the fact that you know he's talking to other girls as well as you that makes you annoyed at him and really paranoid. It's infuriating.

I mean, it could all be innocent. He could just be friends with these other girls and you're the only one he wants to be with. Then again, can a boy and a girl really be just friends? I mean, there must be feelings somewhere; right? I couldn't imagine going through life and being just friends with a boy. Knowing me I'd start having feelings for him at some point. And who knows how he'd feel towards me. Would he see us as just friends or as something more? I could never know these things unless he told me. I couldn't tell him because I'd be too afraid of making a fool of myself or putting the friendship in jeopardy. There's no point in ruining a good friendship over some crush. I'd rather be able to try and put my feelings aside and stay good friends with him than admit those feelings only to be told that he didn't feel the same and have the friendship ruined. Nothing could ever be the same after that.

I know a lot of people say that you might as well tell someone how you really feel because the worst they can say is no. But what if that 'no' is the end of everything? What if that friendship ends right there and then? What happens if he laughs at you for even thinking like that? I know that if that happened to me I'd never be able to see him again. I probably wouldn't leave my room for weeks. And even when I did manage to finally leave my house I'd probably have to have someone with me at all times to protect me in case I ran into him. 

And what happens if he tells his friends what had happened? Then what? If he hadn't already laughed at me then they certainly would. And even if he had laughed at me they'd laugh at me as well. Either way they'd laugh at me. And then they'd tell their friends and before I knew it it would have gone around everyone. Even people in Australia would've probably heard about how much of an idiot I was. They'd be laughing at me even if they didn't know me (which they don't because I don't know anyone from Australia). 

So boys, if you're talking to more than one girl, please don't. Because we think that we're the only girl you talk to and when we find out that we're not, it really upsets us. I'm not saying you can't be friends with more than one girl; in which case it's fine for you to talk to them. However, don't talk to more than one girl if it's in a way that's more than just friends. And don't continue to talk to your ex's either because when we find out it makes us think that you're thinking of getting back together with them. And also don't suddenly get a girlfriend and either continue talking to other girls as if you're more than just friends with them. Or don't suddenly get a girlfriend and then not tell the other girl(s) and suddenly ignore them or carry on talking to them in the same way because it's not fair on them or your girlfriend.

Love Beth xx

Saturday 9 July 2016

How to Survive Secondary School

For those of you who have read some of my previous posts, you will know that I have just finished year 11 and am going to start sixth form in September. Now I some how, despite thinking that I never would, managed to survive 5 years of secondary. I can remember how I felt when I finished year 6. I was excited about starting a new school and meeting new people but at the same time I was really scared. I was going from being one of the older kids in the school who the younger ones would come up to and ask for help if they needed it; to being one of the youngest kids in the school who was absolutely terrified of the older ones. 

At the time it seemed like those 5 years were going to last forever. In fact, since I found out in year 7 that once you got to year 11 you got to leave school early, I was so excited and I couldn't wait for that to happen. But now that it has happened I've realised that those 5 years went by really quickly and I actually wish that we were at school for longer. Don't get me wrong, I hated school. But I guess I just want to see everyone again because I shared 5 years of my life with those people and even though I really didn't like some of them, I miss them. Admittedly, I miss some more than others: but it's weird that I'm probably never going to see any of them ever again. 

Anyway, I understand how daunting starting secondary can be so I thought that I'd share a few tips with you on how to survive it. This is mostly aimed at anyone who is starting year 7 in September but this can also be for anyone who has already started secondary or has a friend or relative that is about to start this crazy new journey.

1. Popularity isn't a contest
A lot of people think that in order to get through secondary you need to be popular. You don't. I was never really popular at my school and I managed to get out of their alive. Don't try and get with the 'popular' crowd just so you can be popular. It doesn't work like that. These people are only where they are because the majority of them think they're better than everyone else. Well let me tell you that they're not. Just be yourself and people are more likely to like you.

2. Make new friends...
Meeting new people and making new friends is one of the only good things about secondary. You get to meet people who you might not have met if it wasn't for school and you become friends with people who you never thought you would have been friends with if you'd have gone to primary with them. You might also find the person (or people) who complete your life and make it as good as it can possibly be.

3. ...but don't lose the old ones
Making new friends is all well and good but don't forget the ones who you knew for 7 years previously. Your primary friends. You would have been through so much together in those 7 years of primary that it would be ashame to lose them now. Hold onto them so that you can make many more memories together. At the same time, don't be afraid to branch out and make other friends because you can't always stick with the same people and some of you may find that you become closer to the friends you make in secondary than the ones from primary. You can still hold onto your primary friends but just try and find the right balance between old friends and new ones.

4. Have fun
If you're like me you will think of school as hell and hate it. But just because you hate it doesn't mean that you can't at least try and enjoy it. If you go through the 5 years of secondary being miserable then chances are that you'll make it a miserable experience for everyone else and you won't be able to enjoy some of the very few highlights of it. 

5. Work hard, play hard
Starting secondary means getting way more homework than you would in primary. However this doesn't mean that all you can do for the next 5 years is homework. You need time for yourself and time to hang out with your friends. It's all about finding the right balance between doing your homework and being with your friends. So maybe if you have homework and you have a spare hour (or even half an hour) where you're not doing anything, do a bit of homework. I always left mine to the last minute and ended up having to do about 5 weeks worth of homework in one night and it wasn't fun. Believe me. But at the same time don't spend too long doing your homework to the point where you don't have time for your friends any more. 

So there are my 5 tips to surviving secondary. If you have any other tips to surviving it then please leave them in the comments below.

Or if you have any questions about secondary or anything else then please don't be afraid to leave them in the comments or you can either dm me them on Twitter or email me. All of my contact information is in the contacts tab at the top of the page.

Thank you for reading and I hope this post has helped you in one way or another on how to survive secondary.

Love Beth xx

Saturday 2 July 2016

Back to Being Me

I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this but last February I lost someone who was very close to me. My grandad. Up until that point in my life I'd never really experienced someone who I was so close to and who I loved and could talk to and go and see anytime I wanted not being there anymore. It was a very difficult time for me and I didn't know what to do with myself or how to cope. I think what made it worse was that I never really told anyone else how I really felt and because of that reason everyone thought I was fine when I wasn't. 

I guess that after my grandad had died, for most of last year and some of this year, I became depressed. I felt lonely all the time and that was because someone so close to me had died and I thought that everyone else around me who I was close to me was going away as well. Not in that they were going to die but that they just didn't want to be around me anymore. 

In fact for over a year I would just lock myself in my room all day everyday and wouldn't go out and see anyone. If anyone asked me if I wanted to meet up with them I'd either say I was busy or agree and then on the day I'd  tell them I was ill or that something else had come up and I couldn't make it. I was pushing certain people in my life away and some of them still haven't come back and have stayed where I pushed them to. Away from my life. 

I think that it wasn't just a matter of losing someone I loved but also that I knew that the day before my grandad died I could have gone and seen him but instead I was too busy being selfish and decided to stay at home because I wanted to avoid my brothers and have the TV to myself. So I guess in the back of my mind there was always (and still is) the guilt that I could have gone and seen my grandad on his last day here.

In fact the last time I saw my grandad was a month before he died. I last saw him on New Year's Day 2015 and I haven't seen him since. And when he did die, because of that reason, I told myself that I would make an effort to see the people I love more often. And have I done that? No not really. I'm not sure if it was me being depressed or the fact that I didn't want to go to my Gran's because it reminded me too much of my grandad but I never really made much of an effort. 

But for the past couple of months I feel like I'm back to how I was before my grandad died. Only I feel a bit more confident in myself and the things that I do compared to how I used to act and behave. I know a lot of you who read this blog regularly will know that I also suffer from anxiety which often makes it very difficult for me to approach people. For me to be the person who says hey first. For me to be the person to send the first text. For me to be the person to ask people if they want to meet up. But I am getting better at that which I am happy about. And I'm pretty sure it's because of this one person.

There's this boy who I went to school with (we're both in year 11 so we've just finished our exams and have left school) and we've become quite close over the past couple of months. We're not together or anything like that but I enjoy spending time with him. I know this might sound weird but he's probably one of the very few people over the past few months that have made me feel like I'm me again. He doesn't know that, but it's the truth. He's made me feel happy again and it makes me feel like there is hope for me for the future. 

My advice to you from all of this is to be with the people who make you happy. If there's someone who makes you feel miserable or that if you know you're going to see them and you're not happy about it, then distance yourself from them. If they don't make you feel any better about yourself then they shouldn't be a part of your life. It may sound harsh but it's true. 

Finally, make sure you go and see your loved ones whenever you can. I know that as teenagers we'd rather go and meet up with friends than go and see our grandparents but they're not going to be around forever. I'm not saying you have to spend every second of every day with them but at least try to see them once or twice a week; even if it's only for an hour or two. 

If you ever need any advice or just someone to talk to then please don't be afraid to ask me. All of my contact details are in the contacts tab at the top of the page. 

Love Beth xx