Mental health is something that I have had to live with for many years now and I'm sure many of you reading this have the same problem. This is a problem that I had planned to do something about this year, yet so far have done nothing. I guess it's because I'm too ashamed to admit out loud to someone that I have mental health problems, although I know this is NOTHING to be ashamed about and that I just need to face up to these issues so I can live my life how I want to live it and not feel as though my mental health is inhibiting my ability to carry out simple daily tasks. And the main reason why I wanted to start doing something about my mental health is that since starting university I feel that my mental health has got worse, much worse.
I'm not entirely sure whether this is to do with the fact that I moved away from home to attend university; or if it's because I spend so much of my time sitting in my room on my own as I only have 2-4 contact hours a day, 3-4 days a week. Or whether A-Levels messed me up so much that now whenever I do sit down to do some work my head starts to feel really heavy and I struggle to get as much work done as I should.
I'm pretty sure I have explained this in another post, but when I moved to university I thought it would be relatively the same as it is at home as I tend to spend a lot of my time in my room watching TV or scrolling through social media (or working on my blog). When I get bored or want someone to talk to I will go into my kitchen or living room and spend some time with them. But this isn't the case at university. You think you will spend most of your time surrounded by your friends, whether that be in one of your flats, going out to eat, having pre-drinks/going out, or just walking to university. But I have experienced the complete opposite of this. I would say that I spend 95% of my time on my own, meaning that I have plenty of time to be alone with my thoughts which DEFINITELY is not a good thing. I have too much time to think about all of the things that are going wrong with my life and wonder why they are going wrong. I spend so much of my time being able to blame myself for anything that has happened that I spend at least a couple of days a week feeling so low that in the past few months I have often wondered whether I will make it to another day. People blame me for not talking to them as much or for avoiding any plans, but this is because I feel so low in myself that I feel I need to take some time to work on myself before I can even focus on spending time with other people and helping them through their problems. Does this make me a selfish person? I don't think it does but others don't agree.
As I only spend no more than 12 hours a week in lectures or seminars, this means I have way too much time on my hands than I would care to admit. Yes, the rest of that time is meant to be spent with me doing directed tasks or assignments, but I also need time to relax and do whatever I want to do. Plus it is really difficult to actually sit down, even if it's just for a couple of hours, and do work, especially when I'm feeling low or just not in the mood to do anything. People say I'm lucky to have so much time on my hands. I disagree. When you spend 99% of your time feeling incredibly low and like you don't matter to anyone and that you'd be better off completely disappearing off the face of the earth, having so much time on your hands does not make you lucky in any way, shape, or form. If anything it makes you incredibly unlucky as you struggle to make it through every second of the day without doing anything you shouldn't.
I also think that part of this run with me and bad mental health is to do with how badly I struggled with A-Levels and how much my mental health suffered during this time in my life. I felt like I was under so much pressure to do well and as my grades were mostly judged by how I did in my exams (something which I have always been bad at) that I took no time out for myself and ended up spending 9+ hours a day revising just to try and achieve the grades I needed to get into university. Due to this, now whenever I sit down to do any work, I find myself feeling as bad as I did just a year ago - with my head feeling incredibly heavy and like I can't carry on anymore. Luckily I have now realised that whenever I go back into this place I should stop whatever I'm doing and go on a break, even if that means I don't do any more work for a couple of days. This is because I have learnt that taking time out to focus on your mental health is way more important than spending so much time on your work that your mental health suffers.
How I have described university and mental health doesn't necessarily apply to everyone, it is just my experience of it. If you are heading to university this year or are already a student, you may experience something completely different to me. You may find it better, or you may find it worse. Just remember, do whatever is best for you and don't put yourself in any situation where your mental health ends up being compromised.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 26 May 2019
Sunday 19 May 2019
The Side of University No One Wants You to See
University is something that everyone portrays as one of the best times of your life and tells you it is the place where you are going to meet all of your life-long friends. They make it out like you are going to go out partying and drinking every single night (at least during first year) and that the workload is only small.
But this isn't the only side of university. This is the side that people want you to see. There is another side that not many people will tell you about and even if they do briefly mention it they will then go on to say "but it's still really fun and you'll really enjoy it". What they don't tell you about is that you will also go through some really hard times, possibly the hardest times of your life, as you learn a lot more about yourself as a person, due to the fact that you will be spending a lot of time on your own.
University has probably made me the loneliest I have ever been. If you are in accommodation, you will probably spend the majority of time in your room on your own doing work. Even though during A-Levels I spent a lot of time in my room alone doing work, I was always able to go into the kitchen or lounge if I ever got bored or wanted to talk to someone, which I thought university was going to be like. How wrong I was!
If you are sat in your room at university, alone, and get bored or want to talk to someone, chances are if you go into the kitchen there will be no one in there for you to talk to. This means that you will be holding your thoughts in to yourself, which can become very dangerous if you are in need of someone to talk to but have no one there. You could say that I could go and talk to some of my friends in my accommodation, but if I'm being brutally honest, I haven't really made any other friends in my accommodation apart from a couple of people who I share a flat with. The majority of my friends are on my course but they commute to university and don't live anywhere particularly near to where I am staying and most of them have jobs so can't spontaneously meet up with me just because I need to talk.
My mental health has definitely suffered since moving away to university. I'm not sure whether it is because I'm out of my comfort zone by being away from home or if it is due to me feeling lonely and like I have no one to talk to (or both). I think it is important for me to acknowledge this as so many people will tell you how fun university is, and to be fair most people probably do experience university in the way it is portrayed by many, but there are also others, like me, who don't experience this side of university.
There have been times when I have wanted to drop out of university due to this reason as I didn't like the fact that I was really struggling with moving away from home and being completely on my own for the first time EVER and in a place where it didn't even resemble my home town in the slightest. The only thing that has really kept me in university was the fact that I was doing fairly well in my course (for my first two assignments I got a first) and I was trying to convince myself that things would change. They have slightly changed I guess, but not as much as I would like them to. The other reason why I have stuck at it is that since I was little I have always wanted to go to university, get a degree and get a job. I know that university isn't the only route you can take into getting a job, however for what I potentially want to do once I leave university, I will need some form of a degree for, so even if I were to drop out of my current course now, I would still have to go and do a different course in order to do this job.
After telling you all of this, I'm not going to then sit here and tell you that you should still go to university because it's really fun and you probably won't end up going through what I am, but then I would be lying. University isn't for everyone and let's be honest, it probably isn't for me but I don't really know what other routes I would take if I did drop out, hence why I have stuck at it because I didn't want to drop out and then not have anything to go on to do to be able to justify me dropping out.
I guess at the end of the day if you really want to get somewhere and there are a few steps along the way that you'd rather not take but have to in order to get to where you want to be, then you'll take it to make sure you get there. That's how I feel about university. I have always wanted to go to university since I was a little girl, but now I am here I have realised that it's not all it's made out to be and there are definitely some things about it that I never expected to experience. But at the end of the day, as long as taking this step means I am that little bit closer to getting into a career that I genuinely enjoy and that makes all of this worth it, then so be it. Because three years (and possibly a couple more) is nothing compared to 30 years of being in a job that I (hopefully) enjoy.
Love Beth xx
But this isn't the only side of university. This is the side that people want you to see. There is another side that not many people will tell you about and even if they do briefly mention it they will then go on to say "but it's still really fun and you'll really enjoy it". What they don't tell you about is that you will also go through some really hard times, possibly the hardest times of your life, as you learn a lot more about yourself as a person, due to the fact that you will be spending a lot of time on your own.
University has probably made me the loneliest I have ever been. If you are in accommodation, you will probably spend the majority of time in your room on your own doing work. Even though during A-Levels I spent a lot of time in my room alone doing work, I was always able to go into the kitchen or lounge if I ever got bored or wanted to talk to someone, which I thought university was going to be like. How wrong I was!
If you are sat in your room at university, alone, and get bored or want to talk to someone, chances are if you go into the kitchen there will be no one in there for you to talk to. This means that you will be holding your thoughts in to yourself, which can become very dangerous if you are in need of someone to talk to but have no one there. You could say that I could go and talk to some of my friends in my accommodation, but if I'm being brutally honest, I haven't really made any other friends in my accommodation apart from a couple of people who I share a flat with. The majority of my friends are on my course but they commute to university and don't live anywhere particularly near to where I am staying and most of them have jobs so can't spontaneously meet up with me just because I need to talk.
My mental health has definitely suffered since moving away to university. I'm not sure whether it is because I'm out of my comfort zone by being away from home or if it is due to me feeling lonely and like I have no one to talk to (or both). I think it is important for me to acknowledge this as so many people will tell you how fun university is, and to be fair most people probably do experience university in the way it is portrayed by many, but there are also others, like me, who don't experience this side of university.
There have been times when I have wanted to drop out of university due to this reason as I didn't like the fact that I was really struggling with moving away from home and being completely on my own for the first time EVER and in a place where it didn't even resemble my home town in the slightest. The only thing that has really kept me in university was the fact that I was doing fairly well in my course (for my first two assignments I got a first) and I was trying to convince myself that things would change. They have slightly changed I guess, but not as much as I would like them to. The other reason why I have stuck at it is that since I was little I have always wanted to go to university, get a degree and get a job. I know that university isn't the only route you can take into getting a job, however for what I potentially want to do once I leave university, I will need some form of a degree for, so even if I were to drop out of my current course now, I would still have to go and do a different course in order to do this job.
After telling you all of this, I'm not going to then sit here and tell you that you should still go to university because it's really fun and you probably won't end up going through what I am, but then I would be lying. University isn't for everyone and let's be honest, it probably isn't for me but I don't really know what other routes I would take if I did drop out, hence why I have stuck at it because I didn't want to drop out and then not have anything to go on to do to be able to justify me dropping out.
I guess at the end of the day if you really want to get somewhere and there are a few steps along the way that you'd rather not take but have to in order to get to where you want to be, then you'll take it to make sure you get there. That's how I feel about university. I have always wanted to go to university since I was a little girl, but now I am here I have realised that it's not all it's made out to be and there are definitely some things about it that I never expected to experience. But at the end of the day, as long as taking this step means I am that little bit closer to getting into a career that I genuinely enjoy and that makes all of this worth it, then so be it. Because three years (and possibly a couple more) is nothing compared to 30 years of being in a job that I (hopefully) enjoy.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 12 May 2019
Applying for University
Applying for university can be a stressful time for many of you. If you are currently in year 13 or in your final year in college, then you have probably already applied for university and are making sure you get the grades you need to get in. However, if you are in year 12, your first year of college, or are currently thinking of going to university then you may be coming to the stage where it is time for you to start looking around different universities and applying to those that really take your fancy. As a current first-year student, it wasn't that long ago that I was applying to university myself, so today I thought I would share with you the process of applying to university and try and give you some advice on picking the right university for you (although I am no expert in this department).
The first thing I would recommend you do is to either think about the course or subject area you are interested in studying and google this to find the different universities that offer this course or courses in your subject area and look at the area they are in, whether it's near to your home, and the grades you need to get in. There is an easier way for you to do this, and this is through an app/website called 'whatuni?'. This enables you to search for the course you want to study and it comes up with a whole list of universities that offer this course, as well as ones that are similar and how other students rank that university. It also gives you the ability to filter the type of qualification (foundation or undergraduate), the country, the location, how you study (full time/part time/sandwich/online), your previous qualifications (such as A-Levels), and your preferences (such as if it's in a city, if you will be staying in accommodation, and the types of facilities the university has to offer). This way you can get a better idea of the courses each university offers and know which ones you should go and look around.
Obviously, the next step is for you to start going on open days. If you are the sort of person that might worry about missing some of college in order to go, then don't worry because most open days tend to happen at the weekend as this way all lecturers should be free and you won't have to deal with all of the students who are already at that university, as well as the thousands who are attending the open day. Most universities will get you to apply to an open day, so make sure you check before going, as this is a way for them to see how many people are likely to be attending. You may also be sent an itinerary before the open day, giving you the chance to plan out your day. I would recommend you do this and get there as early as possible as this will allow you to get around as much of the university as you wish. I particularly recommend that you talk to the lecturers or students as they are there to help. They might seem scary but they wouldn't be there if they didn't want to help you, particularly the students, so talk to them as no one can tell you about the course better than they can. And don't be so quick to dismiss a university before you've had a chance to properly look around it. Draw up a list of the pros and cons after each open day and once you've attended all of them, use these to decide your final five (in case you didn't already know, when applying through UCAS you can only apply to up to five universities).
The next thing for you to do is to start your UCAS application. This was the bane of my life, so I recommend that you get it done sooner rather than later. There are many parts to your application, including your personal statement, filling out a number of forms about yourself, and selecting up to five of your chosen universities and the course(s) you've chosen to study. I can't really provide you with help for the filling out forms part as this is mostly ticking boxes or selecting things, as well as giving out your basic information (your name, date of birth, address, etc.), however I can give you help with your personal statement. I am going to do another post in a few weeks where I go into more detail about your personal statement, so, for now, I am just going to give you the basics. As your UCAS application will only allow you to send one personal statement to all five universities, I would recommend that you chose the same course for each university (or at least try and get them as similar as possible). Some universities will allow you to send a different personal statement if you email them and ask them, but these things take a lot of time so I would recommend you choose one course you want to study in advance. You can always change your mind at a later date. Try and relate anything you have done that will make you stand out directly to your course. For example, my course is in childcare, so the majority of things on my personal statement were to do with that, such as any work experience I had done or volunteer work. Having first-hand experience will give you the upper edge. I understand with some courses this may not be entirely possible, and if not I'm probably not the person to be giving you advice on this part, but in this case you should at least say why you want to study the course and give the admissions tutors an idea of where you want to be once you graduate. Don't lie on your personal statement either because you may be asked to go into an interview at some universities (which, thankfully, I didn't have to do) and they will ask you questions about some of the things you have written on your personal statement and they will be able to tell in that interview whether you have lied to them or not. I also recommend during this process that you get multiple people to look at your personal statement, for example, teachers you trust, as they will be able to give you the best advice on things you should change/put in to try and help you stand out more. You need to make the first few words of your statement stand out as if they are the same as what admissions tutors will read on the thousands of other applications, there may be some cases where they won't even bother reading the rest of it and you will be put straight on the no pile. You should also try to get your UCAS application in as soon as possible as once it gets near the closing date, it is, typically, when the majority of people send their forms in. The earlier you send it in, the earlier you will hear back from your chosen universities. You don't want to be the person that is yet to hear from their chosen universities, believe me.
The next part is accepting the offers you get. You can only choose two universities for this, which are your firm and insurance choices. Your firm choice is the university that you definitely want to go to and as long as everything goes to plan, i.e. you get the grades you need to get in, you will be going to this university. However, if you don't get the grades you need then you will be going to your insurance choice. When you first get your offers back, you will either receive conditional or unconditional offers. A conditional offer is where you have a place at that university, as long as you meet the criteria to get in. An unconditional offer is where you are 100% guaranteed a place at that university, no matter whether you get the grades needed. Some universities may also originally offer you a conditional offer but may email you saying you will receive an unconditional offer as long as you make them your firm choice. I suggest that you don't make a university your firm choice just because you have some form of an unconditional offer from them. You need to think this through thoroughly before making your decision as once you have made it and your choices have been sent to these universities there's no going back. You need to make sure that you choose a university that you are 100% happy with going to. Applicant open days tend to occur after people have been sent offers from universities, so if you are unsure of the firm and insurance choices to make then I suggest that you attend these first before making your final decision.
You will then need to apply for student finance. I should also add at this point that this is something you are going to have to do for each year you are at university and isn't something you can just do before you start and that you will get the same money each year you are there. This is another thing I am going to be making a separate post on in the coming weeks. There are two different loans you will need to apply for, which are your tuition fees and your maintenance loan. Your tuition fee will be for however much your university charges you (typically £9250) and will be sent straight to the university, so you don't have to worry about making sure you pay the money because it is done for you. Maintenance loans are a bit more complicated. You don't have to apply for a maintenance loan if you don't feel like you need the money, but if you are in accommodation you will 100% need this. The amount you get can depend on whether you are living at home or in accommodation and whether you are attending a university that is in or outside of London. You can apply for as little or as much as you want, so here I am just going to talk about what I personally got due to my situation in first year. I decided to move away from home, therefore was able to receive a maximum of around £8700, however this amount is also dependent on how much the adults in your household earn (in most cases, your parents). Essentially, if their combined annual income is under £25,000, you will get the maximum amount of however much of your maintenance loan you are entitled to. Essentially, the more they earn, the less you get. You can also apply for extra money if you are entitled to it, such as if you are a young carer, however I don't exactly know how this works so you may have to do some extra research on that. You may also, potentially, be able to get help from your university money-wise, which I also don't know a lot about so you may also need to get in touch with them.
Next, if you are moving away from home then you will need to start thinking about applying for accommodation (if you are planning on staying at home then you can skip this bit). I would recommend that you go and look around as many accommodations as possible when you go on open days, as this is the only way that you can get a real feel for the accommodation as the pictures they put up online (at least in the case of my accommodation) can be seen as 'catfishing'. I can't really give much help when it comes to picking accommodation as, despite being in accommodation myself, I could only pick the one I am in as it is the only one for my campus, as the rest are all for the other campus. However, I do know that at my university you can pick an order of which one you would prefer to be in and they will try and put you in your chosen accommodation, however as there are literally thousands of others applying, you can't always be guaranteed to be in your first choice accommodation. I will just tell you now that paying rent is probably what the majority of your maintenance loan will go on, and some of you may not even be able to cover the whole of your rent on what you get (I think the minimum for anyone living away from home is just over £4000 but I'm not 100%) and speaking on personal experience, 2/3 of my maintenance loan goes on my rent. If you feel you can't afford this and do have the option of being able to stay at home then definitely consider this, but at the same time, at least during first year, being in accommodation is a good way to make new friends, so you could possibly try being in accommodation during first year and then staying at home for the rest of your time at university (which is what I'm planning on doing), but at the end of the day it is totally up to you.
After this, if you don't already have an unconditional offer then all you have to do is sit and wait for your results to see if you have got into your chosen university. On results day, they will send you an email, possibly before you have even received your results, confirming your place and you don't have to do anything else because that place is officially yours, you just have to make sure you enrol when prompted. This is basically just filling out more forms so they can send you your student ID and anything else you may need (or if they need to check something, such as your DBS if you're on a health or education course, you may have to wait until your first week to get your ID and officially enrol). You will also need to start packing if you are moving away from home, which I recommend you start sooner rather than later to make sure you have everything you need. I wrote a list of everything I had to take with me and highlighted them in different colours (e.g. red for need to buy, yellow for got but need to pack, and green for packed) and also went on the internet to see what other students recommended (I may also be doing another post on this in the future).
I think I have covered pretty much everything but knowing me I have probably forgotten at least two key pieces of information. If you think I have forgotten something or have any other questions, or if there is something I couldn't fully answer (such as about picking accommodation) then comment them down below as if there is something you don't fully understand/know, it is highly likely that there is at least one other person who is in the same boat.
Love Beth xx
The first thing I would recommend you do is to either think about the course or subject area you are interested in studying and google this to find the different universities that offer this course or courses in your subject area and look at the area they are in, whether it's near to your home, and the grades you need to get in. There is an easier way for you to do this, and this is through an app/website called 'whatuni?'. This enables you to search for the course you want to study and it comes up with a whole list of universities that offer this course, as well as ones that are similar and how other students rank that university. It also gives you the ability to filter the type of qualification (foundation or undergraduate), the country, the location, how you study (full time/part time/sandwich/online), your previous qualifications (such as A-Levels), and your preferences (such as if it's in a city, if you will be staying in accommodation, and the types of facilities the university has to offer). This way you can get a better idea of the courses each university offers and know which ones you should go and look around.
Obviously, the next step is for you to start going on open days. If you are the sort of person that might worry about missing some of college in order to go, then don't worry because most open days tend to happen at the weekend as this way all lecturers should be free and you won't have to deal with all of the students who are already at that university, as well as the thousands who are attending the open day. Most universities will get you to apply to an open day, so make sure you check before going, as this is a way for them to see how many people are likely to be attending. You may also be sent an itinerary before the open day, giving you the chance to plan out your day. I would recommend you do this and get there as early as possible as this will allow you to get around as much of the university as you wish. I particularly recommend that you talk to the lecturers or students as they are there to help. They might seem scary but they wouldn't be there if they didn't want to help you, particularly the students, so talk to them as no one can tell you about the course better than they can. And don't be so quick to dismiss a university before you've had a chance to properly look around it. Draw up a list of the pros and cons after each open day and once you've attended all of them, use these to decide your final five (in case you didn't already know, when applying through UCAS you can only apply to up to five universities).
The next thing for you to do is to start your UCAS application. This was the bane of my life, so I recommend that you get it done sooner rather than later. There are many parts to your application, including your personal statement, filling out a number of forms about yourself, and selecting up to five of your chosen universities and the course(s) you've chosen to study. I can't really provide you with help for the filling out forms part as this is mostly ticking boxes or selecting things, as well as giving out your basic information (your name, date of birth, address, etc.), however I can give you help with your personal statement. I am going to do another post in a few weeks where I go into more detail about your personal statement, so, for now, I am just going to give you the basics. As your UCAS application will only allow you to send one personal statement to all five universities, I would recommend that you chose the same course for each university (or at least try and get them as similar as possible). Some universities will allow you to send a different personal statement if you email them and ask them, but these things take a lot of time so I would recommend you choose one course you want to study in advance. You can always change your mind at a later date. Try and relate anything you have done that will make you stand out directly to your course. For example, my course is in childcare, so the majority of things on my personal statement were to do with that, such as any work experience I had done or volunteer work. Having first-hand experience will give you the upper edge. I understand with some courses this may not be entirely possible, and if not I'm probably not the person to be giving you advice on this part, but in this case you should at least say why you want to study the course and give the admissions tutors an idea of where you want to be once you graduate. Don't lie on your personal statement either because you may be asked to go into an interview at some universities (which, thankfully, I didn't have to do) and they will ask you questions about some of the things you have written on your personal statement and they will be able to tell in that interview whether you have lied to them or not. I also recommend during this process that you get multiple people to look at your personal statement, for example, teachers you trust, as they will be able to give you the best advice on things you should change/put in to try and help you stand out more. You need to make the first few words of your statement stand out as if they are the same as what admissions tutors will read on the thousands of other applications, there may be some cases where they won't even bother reading the rest of it and you will be put straight on the no pile. You should also try to get your UCAS application in as soon as possible as once it gets near the closing date, it is, typically, when the majority of people send their forms in. The earlier you send it in, the earlier you will hear back from your chosen universities. You don't want to be the person that is yet to hear from their chosen universities, believe me.
The next part is accepting the offers you get. You can only choose two universities for this, which are your firm and insurance choices. Your firm choice is the university that you definitely want to go to and as long as everything goes to plan, i.e. you get the grades you need to get in, you will be going to this university. However, if you don't get the grades you need then you will be going to your insurance choice. When you first get your offers back, you will either receive conditional or unconditional offers. A conditional offer is where you have a place at that university, as long as you meet the criteria to get in. An unconditional offer is where you are 100% guaranteed a place at that university, no matter whether you get the grades needed. Some universities may also originally offer you a conditional offer but may email you saying you will receive an unconditional offer as long as you make them your firm choice. I suggest that you don't make a university your firm choice just because you have some form of an unconditional offer from them. You need to think this through thoroughly before making your decision as once you have made it and your choices have been sent to these universities there's no going back. You need to make sure that you choose a university that you are 100% happy with going to. Applicant open days tend to occur after people have been sent offers from universities, so if you are unsure of the firm and insurance choices to make then I suggest that you attend these first before making your final decision.
You will then need to apply for student finance. I should also add at this point that this is something you are going to have to do for each year you are at university and isn't something you can just do before you start and that you will get the same money each year you are there. This is another thing I am going to be making a separate post on in the coming weeks. There are two different loans you will need to apply for, which are your tuition fees and your maintenance loan. Your tuition fee will be for however much your university charges you (typically £9250) and will be sent straight to the university, so you don't have to worry about making sure you pay the money because it is done for you. Maintenance loans are a bit more complicated. You don't have to apply for a maintenance loan if you don't feel like you need the money, but if you are in accommodation you will 100% need this. The amount you get can depend on whether you are living at home or in accommodation and whether you are attending a university that is in or outside of London. You can apply for as little or as much as you want, so here I am just going to talk about what I personally got due to my situation in first year. I decided to move away from home, therefore was able to receive a maximum of around £8700, however this amount is also dependent on how much the adults in your household earn (in most cases, your parents). Essentially, if their combined annual income is under £25,000, you will get the maximum amount of however much of your maintenance loan you are entitled to. Essentially, the more they earn, the less you get. You can also apply for extra money if you are entitled to it, such as if you are a young carer, however I don't exactly know how this works so you may have to do some extra research on that. You may also, potentially, be able to get help from your university money-wise, which I also don't know a lot about so you may also need to get in touch with them.
Next, if you are moving away from home then you will need to start thinking about applying for accommodation (if you are planning on staying at home then you can skip this bit). I would recommend that you go and look around as many accommodations as possible when you go on open days, as this is the only way that you can get a real feel for the accommodation as the pictures they put up online (at least in the case of my accommodation) can be seen as 'catfishing'. I can't really give much help when it comes to picking accommodation as, despite being in accommodation myself, I could only pick the one I am in as it is the only one for my campus, as the rest are all for the other campus. However, I do know that at my university you can pick an order of which one you would prefer to be in and they will try and put you in your chosen accommodation, however as there are literally thousands of others applying, you can't always be guaranteed to be in your first choice accommodation. I will just tell you now that paying rent is probably what the majority of your maintenance loan will go on, and some of you may not even be able to cover the whole of your rent on what you get (I think the minimum for anyone living away from home is just over £4000 but I'm not 100%) and speaking on personal experience, 2/3 of my maintenance loan goes on my rent. If you feel you can't afford this and do have the option of being able to stay at home then definitely consider this, but at the same time, at least during first year, being in accommodation is a good way to make new friends, so you could possibly try being in accommodation during first year and then staying at home for the rest of your time at university (which is what I'm planning on doing), but at the end of the day it is totally up to you.
After this, if you don't already have an unconditional offer then all you have to do is sit and wait for your results to see if you have got into your chosen university. On results day, they will send you an email, possibly before you have even received your results, confirming your place and you don't have to do anything else because that place is officially yours, you just have to make sure you enrol when prompted. This is basically just filling out more forms so they can send you your student ID and anything else you may need (or if they need to check something, such as your DBS if you're on a health or education course, you may have to wait until your first week to get your ID and officially enrol). You will also need to start packing if you are moving away from home, which I recommend you start sooner rather than later to make sure you have everything you need. I wrote a list of everything I had to take with me and highlighted them in different colours (e.g. red for need to buy, yellow for got but need to pack, and green for packed) and also went on the internet to see what other students recommended (I may also be doing another post on this in the future).
I think I have covered pretty much everything but knowing me I have probably forgotten at least two key pieces of information. If you think I have forgotten something or have any other questions, or if there is something I couldn't fully answer (such as about picking accommodation) then comment them down below as if there is something you don't fully understand/know, it is highly likely that there is at least one other person who is in the same boat.
Love Beth xx
Sunday 5 May 2019
To My Secondary School Friends
I'm not entirely sure if I can hand-on-heart say that I ever felt included in your group, whether that be in or outside of school, but I really value the years that we spent together, whether that be from year 7 or towards the end of our time there. I do think that we shared some good times together, but there were definitely some bad times as well. I constantly felt left out of your group and that you only remained friends with me because you felt like you had to. I really tried to make a deep and meaningful connection with you all, but I guess I didn't try hard enough. But then again you can't force friendships, and I guess I can say that I have experienced that first hand.
I always felt like a bit of an outsider when it came to us spending time together. I only ever really saw any of you at school and occasionally outside of school if it was a special occasion, such as for someone's birthday. You never included me in anything and I still don't know what the reason for that is. Did you not like me, at all? Did you find me annoying? Was I not good enough for you? You say you've gone through some bad friends in your lifetime, was I one of them? I'm just struggling to comprehend what I actually did that was so bad that made you not want to spend any time with me outside of school. Then again, you probably didn't actually want to spend any time with me inside of school.
I can't really complain. I shouldn't want to be friends with people who don't value me as a friend and should instead want to remain friends with those who genuinely like me. I didn't even know where I stood with any of you and to be honest I'm not entirely sure that I know now where I stand. If you like me then say so. If you don't like me then just tell me and I'll be fine with that. I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm better than any of you because I really don't think I am. How can I be? You all seem to be out there leading really good lives with an amazing support unit behind you; whereas I'm really struggling and have no one. Then again, I can only see what you put on social media and I'm guessing you're only showing the good times so for all I know you could be living the same (or similar) life as me, but somehow I doubt that's possible.
I didn't like how you made me feel like I was inferior to all of you. I was the one whose birthday was the least important. I was the one who you'd spend the least amount of money on a Christmas present (but to be honest I was never expecting some large extravagant gift and I'm grateful for the chocolate, I really am). But I wish I had been treated like I was one of you. I wish I had been treated like I mattered. I wish that when something significant had happened in my life that I could feel like I could have come to at least one of you for advice. I wish that my feelings had mattered to you. But none of these did, did they? Because as long as all of you felt like you were a part of the group and were receiving whatever support you needed, that's all that mattered. But what about the support I should have been receiving? Why wasn't I that important? Was I not good enough? Were my fears and paranoia true? Did you all secretly hate me like I knew you did?
But none of that matters now. I am not bitter about how I was treated for all those years. Because let's be honest, hardly any of you are still friends with each other now anyway. I have my group of friends, you all separately have your own groups of friends, so let's just leave it at that.
I am grateful for all of the good times that we had together, because as much as I have said in this post that we never spent any time together and that any time we did spend together made me feel lonely even though I was surrounded by all of you, we did share a lot of laughter and jokes together. I will never forget any of the memories we have made together and I wish all of you the success that you deserve in the future because all of you really deserve it. There was a time a few months ago where I would have said that if I ever saw any of you in the street or on a night out somewhere I would have turned the other way or pretended to not have seen you. But if someone asked me now what I would do if I saw any of you, I would say that I would happily have a conversation with you to catch-up and maybe even go for a drink or two together. I know that none of you are bad people and I have realised that I shouldn't just ignore you just because of some petty feelings I have for how I felt a few years ago.
So if any of you are reading this and realise that it is me who is writing it, please don't hesitate to get back in touch with me. Even if it's just to see how I am and then we never speak to each other again, I would rather have that conversation than just pretend that none of us were ever friends. We may have formed a group because we had all previously been in other friendship groups that we were no longer a part of for one reason or another, but our group of friends defined our secondary school years, and that is something that should be celebrated, not dismissed.
Love Beth xx
I always felt like a bit of an outsider when it came to us spending time together. I only ever really saw any of you at school and occasionally outside of school if it was a special occasion, such as for someone's birthday. You never included me in anything and I still don't know what the reason for that is. Did you not like me, at all? Did you find me annoying? Was I not good enough for you? You say you've gone through some bad friends in your lifetime, was I one of them? I'm just struggling to comprehend what I actually did that was so bad that made you not want to spend any time with me outside of school. Then again, you probably didn't actually want to spend any time with me inside of school.
I can't really complain. I shouldn't want to be friends with people who don't value me as a friend and should instead want to remain friends with those who genuinely like me. I didn't even know where I stood with any of you and to be honest I'm not entirely sure that I know now where I stand. If you like me then say so. If you don't like me then just tell me and I'll be fine with that. I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm better than any of you because I really don't think I am. How can I be? You all seem to be out there leading really good lives with an amazing support unit behind you; whereas I'm really struggling and have no one. Then again, I can only see what you put on social media and I'm guessing you're only showing the good times so for all I know you could be living the same (or similar) life as me, but somehow I doubt that's possible.
I didn't like how you made me feel like I was inferior to all of you. I was the one whose birthday was the least important. I was the one who you'd spend the least amount of money on a Christmas present (but to be honest I was never expecting some large extravagant gift and I'm grateful for the chocolate, I really am). But I wish I had been treated like I was one of you. I wish I had been treated like I mattered. I wish that when something significant had happened in my life that I could feel like I could have come to at least one of you for advice. I wish that my feelings had mattered to you. But none of these did, did they? Because as long as all of you felt like you were a part of the group and were receiving whatever support you needed, that's all that mattered. But what about the support I should have been receiving? Why wasn't I that important? Was I not good enough? Were my fears and paranoia true? Did you all secretly hate me like I knew you did?
But none of that matters now. I am not bitter about how I was treated for all those years. Because let's be honest, hardly any of you are still friends with each other now anyway. I have my group of friends, you all separately have your own groups of friends, so let's just leave it at that.
I am grateful for all of the good times that we had together, because as much as I have said in this post that we never spent any time together and that any time we did spend together made me feel lonely even though I was surrounded by all of you, we did share a lot of laughter and jokes together. I will never forget any of the memories we have made together and I wish all of you the success that you deserve in the future because all of you really deserve it. There was a time a few months ago where I would have said that if I ever saw any of you in the street or on a night out somewhere I would have turned the other way or pretended to not have seen you. But if someone asked me now what I would do if I saw any of you, I would say that I would happily have a conversation with you to catch-up and maybe even go for a drink or two together. I know that none of you are bad people and I have realised that I shouldn't just ignore you just because of some petty feelings I have for how I felt a few years ago.
So if any of you are reading this and realise that it is me who is writing it, please don't hesitate to get back in touch with me. Even if it's just to see how I am and then we never speak to each other again, I would rather have that conversation than just pretend that none of us were ever friends. We may have formed a group because we had all previously been in other friendship groups that we were no longer a part of for one reason or another, but our group of friends defined our secondary school years, and that is something that should be celebrated, not dismissed.
Love Beth xx
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