New Beginnings...

Do you remember what you were doing on the 28th August 2015? Because I do. Because the 28th August 2015 was the day that I decided to start my journey as TeenagelifeBeth. And what a journey it's been. But today is the day to say goodbye to this journey.

It's almost been four years since I first started this journey. Back at the start, I was 15, just about to go into my last year of school, and didn't really know who I was or what I wanted from life. Now I am 19, have just finished my first year of university, and to be honest I still don't really know who I am or what I want from life, but I think I have a slightly clearer idea than I did back then. And that's partly thanks to this blog.

During my time as TeenagelifeBeth, I have come to many realisations as to who I am. I think that one of these things that has been one of the main features of my blog is my journey with mental health. Back when I was 15, I knew there was something about me that was different about me compared to others, but I wasn't entirely sure what this was. I think it is partly from writing this blog and interacting with people on Twitter that I came to realise that I have anxiety, and later that I had mild depression and some suicidal tendencies. Some may say that it is a bad thing I found this out because it's not something that anyone would want to be told that they have. However, I see me finding this out as a good thing because it means after many years of not knowing what was 'wrong' with me, I finally have an answer. And if that's not a good thing then I don't know what is.

One of the main reasons why I decided to start this blog is because I wanted to talk about my life with other people and share my experiences to try and help others in either knowing they aren't alone with what they are going through, or helping them with something if I have faced something similar. I hope I have achieved this in some way, so if I have please tell me in the comments. I also started this blog to try and find some answers to things happening in my life that I didn't know how to deal with, mostly because I had no idea what was going on. But thanks to some of you who have read my posts and given me some advice, you have helped me in getting to know myself and have helped me to figure out some situations that I would probably still be trying to figure out if it wasn't for you. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for everything you have helped me with, it really means a lot more to me than you could possibly ever imagine.

But this isn't the end. I love blogging and would never want any of this to end. I know I took a brief break back in 2017, but I have been back blogging for around a year now and I think it took that little break to realise how much I love doing this and how much I don't want to stop doing it. This may be the end of TeenagelifeBeth, but it's not the end of my blogging 'career' forever.

As I am 19, this means next year I am going to be turning 20 (something which I am very terrified of). As this means I am going to become an 'adult', this also means I will no longer be a teenager, which is 100% scary but kind of exciting to see what I go on to do next. And I want to share this new journey with you, which is why I am starting a whole new blog on a whole new platform. You may say I should have done this at the start of next year or when I actually turn 20, but to be honest, that is going to be when I am far too busy and after a lot of consideration I felt that right now was the perfect time for me to start a new blog.

My new blog site is one I have spent a while creating now, so I really hope you like it. It is called 'Life of Beth' (a bit like the Life of Riley, except my life is nowhere near as carefree or easy - if anything it's quite the opposite, which is why it's the life of Beth). You can find it here, where there is already a post all up and ready for you to check out.

With a new blog name comes a new twitter handle and a new email address. I did consider creating a whole new twitter profile, however it has taken me years to build up the following I already have on my current profile, so I thought it would be a shame (and very time consuming) to have to start all over again. My new twitter name will be '@lifeofbeth761', which you will be able to find about an hour after this post goes up (so if you are reading this after 7pm on 07/07/19 and aren't already following me, then hopefully you will be able to find it). My new email address is 'lifeofbeth761@gmail.com'. This, along with my new twitter name, is already on my new blog page, where you will find other ways of contacting me, so please either head over there or drop me an email for whatever the reason may be.

I would just like to point out that I have chosen not to move across the posts from this blog to my new one as I want it to be a fresh start. However, I am not going to delete this blog as some of the posts that are on here have been found quite helpful by a lot of people and I would still like to have the ability to re-share any of them when the time is right without having my fresh, new shiny blog bombarded with over 100 blog posts when it has barely been live for five minutes. Plus, I would also still like to be able to do my blog 'throwback Thursdays'. This may be weird as I have started afresh, but I have found that some of the throwbacks I have already done have turned out to still be relevant somehow when I re-share them. This will definitely carry on until the end of the year, if not then for the foreseeable future. This is also a way for me to look back on most of my teenage years, to see what life was like and how much my life has changed.

So I guess this really is the end. Once again, I would like to thank you all so, so, so much for all of your love and support and I hope you all love the new blog. It will still be very much the same concept as this one, except it involves me growing up in a whole new light and a journey which I very much hope to share with all of you. Because if it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't be here today. So thank YOU for everything you have done for me, it truly means the world and more.

Love Beth xx

What to Pack when Moving Away to University

Leaving home to move away to university can be a stressful time for everyone involved. It's stressful to your friends because they don't know when they're next going to see you. It's stressful to your family because they also don't know when they're next going to see you and find it surreal that their child/grandchild/niece/nephew etc is growing up and (kind of) moving out. But, most importantly, it's stressful for you because for presumably the first time in your life you're having to pack up your things and during this process, you are having to figure out what you do/don't need to take.

Well, today I am going to try and make that process a little easier for you. For regular readers, you will know that last September I left home to go to university, which meant having to pack a lot of my stuff up and leave home for the first time in my life. Before this, I did a lot of research into looking at what other people took with them when they first left to go to university, but have found that a lot of the stuff that I took I haven't actually used in the whole nine months I have been there. Due to this, I thought I would make my own list of everything I took with me as even though I didn't use some of this stuff, you might find some use for it (however I will note next to these items if I didn't use them to try and give you a better idea of if you think these items will be necessary to take or not). I will try and make this list as generic as I possibly can, however I understand that boys may need stuff that isn't included on this list, in the same way that they won't need some of the things on this list.

Kitchen

• 2x plates
• 2x pasta dishes
• 2x normal dishes
• 2x glasses
• 2x wine glasses (didn't use)
• 4x forks, knives, spoons, and teaspoons (you won't need this many, this was the smallest amount in a pack I could find, I would recommend only two of each)
• 2x pans
• 1x spatula
• 5x sharp knives (these were all different sizes, however I only used the smallest one)
• 1x serving spoon
• 1x masher (didn't use)
• 1x measuring jug (didn't use)
• 1x frying pan/wok
• 1x sieve
• 1x strainer
• 1x kitchen scissors
• 2x oven gloves
• 3x tea towels (you'll probably only need two, they just came in a pack of three)
• 1x clear mixing bowl
• 5x chopping boards (didn't use)
• 2x mugs
• 4x plastic containers (only used for freezing food made by my mum when I first moved in, but other than that I didn't use them)
• 1x washing-up liquid
• 1x anti-bacterial spray
• 1x dishcloth
• 4x kitchen sponges
• 1x bleach
• food (my mum bought me two weeks worth when I first moved in, but as long as you have enough to last you for your first few days when you're first moving in and getting used to the area then you'll be fine - DO NOT just order takeaways as you won't be able to afford this lifestyle)
• 2x alcohol
• 1x grater
• bin liners
• kitchen towel
• 1x travel mug (didn't really use but it's good for when you have a 9am lecture and don't have time to have a hot drink in the morning)

Bathroom

• 2x towels
• 1x toothpaste
• 1x toothbrush
• 1x soap
• 1x shampoo
• 1x conditioner
• 1x shower gel
• 1x shaving foam
• 1x razor
• 1x afro comb
• 1x toilet brush (wasn't needed as there was already one there, which I wasn't aware of before moving in and it wasn't on the list of things already in my accommodation. I recommend taking one just in case, or you could check with your accommodation before you move in)
• 1x mouthwash
• 1x bleach
• toilet roll

Bedroom

• 1x pillow
• 1x duvet
• 1x blanket
• 2x pillowcases
• 2x duvet covers
• 3x scatter cushions
• pictures of family and friends
• 1x mirror
• 1x hairdryer (only used once)
• 1x hair straighteners (didn't use)
• 1x curling wand (didn't use)
• 1x laptop
• 1x laptop charger
• 1x phone
• 1x phone charger
• 1x iPad
• 1x iPad charger
• 1x toothbrush charger
• 1x hairbrush
• make-up
• 1x dressing gown
• clothes
• 5x coats (you probably won't need this many. I took a leather jacket, a denim jacket, a waterproof hooded coat, and two thicker coats)
• shoes (I took way more than I probably needed. I took a pair of heels that I didn't wear, some boots, a pair of trainers, two pairs of converse, a pair of vans, some slip-on shoes that I was planning on wearing for placement but never actually wore)
• moisturiser
• body butter
• hairspray (didn't use)
• dry hair shampoo
• face mask
• perfume
• body spray
• make-up brushes
• hand cream
• deodorant 
• chewing gum
• keyring for fob for accommodation (I particularly recommend this as the fob is pretty small and can get lost easily. Over time I also chose to put it on my lanyard so I couldn't forget it)
• 1x iron (wasn't needed as there was already one in my flat)
• washing capsules (didn't use - sounds bad but I took my washing home instead)
• 1x umbrella
• 1x scarf
• 1x suitcase
• 1x travel bag
• 1x bag for university
• 1x laundry basket (you could also just use a large carrier bag)
• a pair of sliders (trust me, these will be your best friends while living in halls and are a MUST HAVE)
• ID (particularly important if you are planning on going out)
• DBS certificate (only need one if your course requires it)
• 1x speaker
• 1x phone stand (didn't use)
• 2x hot water bottle (you'll probably only need one. They're good as your room gets quite cold in the winter - or for when you're on your  period) 
• 1x extension cable (never used as my room had quite a lot of sockets but some don't so I recommend you buy one just in case)
• 1x portable charger (PLEASE take this with you on a night out. I didn't and found myself on 5% and separated from my friends - something I DO NOT recommend)
• multiple carrier bags (so you don't have to spend 10p when going food shopping)
• 1x bin
• bin liners
• 1x pair of sunglasses (didn't use)
• 1x mattress topper (I particularly recommend this as you don't know how bad your mattress is going to be and this will help you get a good night's sleep)
• washing powder 
• duster
• plasters
• paracetamol
• air freshener
• diffuser
• 1x doorstop (I'm not 100% sure if this applies to all uni accommodation, but mine was quite clear that you need to keep your doors shut at all times and can't keep them open using anything. I didn't realise this when I bought I doorstop, however it is particularly useful for when you're moving in/out as you're having to constantly carry heavy boxes from one room to another - but obviously in this case you could probably just use something else to hold doors open)

Stationary

• pens
• pencils
• rubber
• ruler
• folder
• 3x notebooks
• highlighters
• coloured pens
• file dividers
• plastic wallets
• 1x scissors
• 2x glue (you'll probably only need one at most)
• 1x pencil case
• 1x small basket to hold spare pens/pencils in 

I'm fairly certain this is everything I took with me, however I'm currently writing this at home and have not yet moved all of my stuff back. I am posting this before I have gone back up there to move my stuff out and so haven't been able to see if there is anything I have missed from this list. If you are already a student living in accommodation and think I have missed something from this list, then please feel free to comment it down below. Once I have moved my stuff out, which should be in the next few weeks, I will edit this post as I'm sure I have missed some key things out. 

I hope this list has given you some sort of idea of what you need to take with you when you move to university. I would also like to take this opportunity to wish you all the luck, success and happiness during your time at university and I hope that it all goes well for you.

Love Beth xx

My Guide to Freshers Week

Freshers week is a one (or two) week period where all first year (and pretty much all other years) go out every night to a club/bar/pub, get really drunk and then attend a 9am lecture the next morning. It is a chance for you to meet new people and make friends for life. Some may even go as far as saying that it is the best week of the university calendar. Today I am going to give you my guide to surviving freshers, staying safe, and how to enjoy it your way.

One of the main parts of freshers is alcohol. Obviously, everyone has their limits. Some people can get drunk off of just one drink. For others, it can take quite a few drinks for them to get even the tiniest bit tipsy. What's important is you make sure you stick to your own limits and don't over-do it because if you do then the only person who's going to suffer is you. You should never let peer pressure make you feel like you have to carry on drinking when you know you're over your limit. I mean let's face it, would you rather stay within your limit and be able to have fun and remember your night, or over-do it and wake up the next day in a pool of your own sick and not able to remember a single thing that happened.

This links to you being surrounded by a group of people that you are only just meeting for the first time. Even though you can now get uni group chats to help you make friends with people before you start university, this doesn't mean that the first time you meet them they're not strangers, because they are. This means that before going out you will probably be having pres with them, which should definitely involve drinking games. In some cases, you may be able to get away with not going over your limit, however in others, particularly those cases where shots are involved, you may find yourself going over your limit just because you don't want to make others think you can't handle your drink. Throwing up after drinking a lot is nothing to be ashamed of because we've all been there at one point or another, however if you're getting yourself in this state just to impress a few people then you should stop and think about what you're doing. Freshers is all about having fun, however, drinking too much just to impress a few people is the wrong way of doing it.

This leads me on to my next point: staying safe. With drinking a lot of alcohol comes the risk of being vulnerable. So during freshers week, along with any night out that you ever go on, make sure that you stay with a group, or at the very least one person, as there is always safety in numbers. Try and agree with at least one person in the group that you are going to stick with each other throughout the entire night as, from past experience, it is more than likely that the group you are with will somehow get split up and some point. Make sure you get a few people's numbers as well so if you do get split up you can call each other to find out where you all are. I will also suggest agreeing on a place to meet each other if this does happen so that no one gets left by themselves.

No matter how many people you are with, DO NOT WALK HOME!!! I know I said there is safety in numbers and I know that as students you don't have that much money, however walking home, even in a group, always carries some risks. Especially if you do get separated from everyone and end up having to head home by yourself, make sure you get a taxi. I know you hear stories of people who have got a taxi home from a night out and the driver has been creepy for one reason or another, however getting a taxi is much safer than walking by yourself (or in a group) at night.

This final part is for those of you who don't necessarily enjoy going on nights out, as there are quite a few people who go to university who feel this way, including myself from time-to-time. If you don't feel like going out then don't let other people try and force you into it. There are plenty of things you can do instead. At my university, there is a society for people who don't enjoy going clubbing and they organise events, such as going bowling, having a pizza night or going to the cinema. You could try and find people before you head to university who would be more interested in having a night-in instead and could organise a movie night for yourselves. All I'm saying is there are more ways to enjoy freshers week (and your entire time at university) than going out most nights and drinking. Just make sure you do it your own way and not to meet a stereotype or to try and impress people.

So remember: don't go over your limit, there is safety in numbers, and do things your own way.

Love Beth xx

Understanding Student Finance

Student finance. It is something that anyone who is going to university is going to have to encounter at least once during their time at uni. It can get pretty complicated, so today I thought I'd do a general breakdown of the process of acquiring student finance and how it works. Please bear in mind I don't fully understand the system myself, however, this is just my simple understanding of it in the hope that it helps you understand it too.

First of all, I am going to talk to you about tuition fees. These tend to be around £9250 (at the time of publishing). I'm fairly sure everyone applies for this (although you don't have to if you can afford to pay it yourself) and no matter your background, student finance will always give you the full amount. This is paid directly to your chosen university, so you have nothing to worry about on this front as student finance takes care of it for you. They will ask you the university you are planning on attending and the course, and even if you aren't entirely sure which uni you're going to, you have to give an answer. In some cases, this may change, for example, if you apply to go elsewhere through clearing in August. If this is the case you can change this information and student finance will ensure the fee is then paid to your new university.

Now, here is the harder bit. The maintenance loan. This is something no one benefits from. As how much money you get depends on your parents' income (if you still live with one or both of them), this means you can either get the amount you need or won't get anywhere near this - something that a lot of people find to be a great problem, particularly if they are living in accommodation. No matter your background, everyone who applies for a loan is guaranteed at least around £4000 (although I'm not 100% on this). You then have the option to apply for more money, where you can either apply for the full amount (which in my case was no more than £8700) or you can request an amount. I say no one benefits from this as those who get too little end up with lower debt, and those who get enough to get by end up having a higher debt.

As for some reason it is expected that your parents will give you financial help, this is why some people may get more money than others. If your parents earn £25,000 or under per annum, you're pretty much guaranteed to get the full amount if you apply for it. Basically, the more your parents earn, the less finance you are going to get. This is why I would recommend if you can, that you attend a university that is close to home. I get that most people want to move away from home to go to university, however speaking from experience this gets very expensive and it is much more financially viable to stay at home than it is to move away.

The amount you get also depends on your location:

Obviously, these amounts will change throughout your time at university (as you can see from the table above). These may get more or less throughout this time, so I think this is important to bear in mind whenever you apply, which you have to do before the start of each academic year. This is so they can look at your current financial situation, as this will then depend on how much you can get for the next academic year. So even if you get the full amount one year, the next you may get less if your parents' income has increased. 

You also won't get all of this money from when you first start university as it is divided into three points across the year - September, January, and April. This should coincide with the first day of each term. During first year I received £2871 in September and January and £2958 in April. If you are in accommodation you should work out how much of this you need to spend on rent (in my case it was £1852 for the first two terms and £1358 for the third). Once you have done this, you should work out a budget for everything else you are going to spend money on, such as food shopping, toiletries and any other essentials, such as money for travelling home and for petrol if you are keeping your car at uni (which I wouldn't recommend as only a few accommodations have parking spaces but these are limited and are something else you need to pay for). It may seem like a lot at first like it did for me, but believe me, it soon gets spent and you don't want to be that student who is having to borrow money off friends and/or live off really basic food. I have had friends at university who have had to live like this because they spent all of their money on nights out and other things they didn't need to spend their money on. As nights out seem to be the main reason for students not having any money, if your friends ask you to go on a night out but you don't think you can afford it, don't let them peer pressure you into going. Just explain to them that you don't have enough money right now and they're bound to understand as you're all pretty much in the same boat.

I'm fairly certain I have covered everything here, however, if you have any other questions then please comment them down below and I'll do my best to answer them. Or, if you are a student and think I have missed something that someone else might find useful, then please also comment down below. 

Lastly, I would just like to wish you all the luck at university and even though it is not always the smoothest of rides, I hope you enjoy it.

Love Beth xx

Why I struggle to make friends/open up to people

Making friends and being able to maintain these friendships is something I have struggled with throughout my entire life. I guess this is because I'm quite a quiet person and find it difficult to start a conversation with someone. As much as I would love to be able to go up to someone or sit down next to them and start a conversation, I find this virtually impossible. I guess it is also partly to do with my social anxiety, which means I am constantly worrying about how I am coming across to other people, even if I have known them for a while, which means I find it easier to sit in the background and say nothing. But if I do sit in the background and say nothing to people, does that make them judge me even more than they would if I actually spoke to them? 

This is one of the many problems I have encountered during my time at university. At first, it was kind of easy because if I wanted to talk to someone who I had never met, it was easy for me to introduce myself. However, after that, I struggled with knowing what to ask them. Should I have asked them where they lived, or would they find me too invasive? I couldn't ask them what course they were studying as we were all on the same course, so that would make me sound even more stupid than I already am. And I definitely didn't want to engage in small talk with them, such as about the weather or something that had come up in the news, as I find this type of conversation pointless and boring. But maybe if I had engaged in this conversation I could have made friends easier as we may have found something we have in common. 

I think my problem is that if someone doesn't talk to me first (whether that's in real life or via text) I automatically presume they don't want to talk to me. What I need to learn is that I also need to put the effort in, in order for other people to know I intend to keep our friendship. I feel that if I talk to someone first, I'll be annoying them because they aren't interested as otherwise they would have spoken to me first. Even when I have text someone first, I have always felt that they are not interested in the conversation and are trying their hardest to end it so they don't have to talk to me.

Another thing I struggle with is being able to open up to people. This is because I have never really known who is truly there for me and who isn't, therefore I don't know who I can trust. I think this is because I have had so many friends leave me in the past that I am worried if I do open up to someone then they will eventually leave me and share whatever I have told them. This is why I tend to keep everything bottled up, which is incredibly dangerous, particularly as my mental health at the moment is possibly the worst it has ever been. I just wish I had someone who I was 110% certain was going to stick around forever so I could open up to them about everything I am going through just so I could get these things off my chest and get some advice. Even though I open up on here, it's not the same as being able to have a one-to-one conversation with someone.

Now I am at the end of my first year of university, I think I can say I've made a few friends, although I'm not all that close to them. Hopefully, at some point in my life, I will find a friend who I am completely comfortable with opening up to as so far in my life there has been no one who has been able to do this. Even if by some miracle I have a boyfriend, from what happened with my ex I'm not entirely sure I would feel comfortable in being able to open up to whoever that unfortunate soul turns out to be. So I guess that for now, I'm just going to have to keep my thoughts to myself and only open up about my problems where I find it appropriate here (p.s. sorry for this in advance).

Love Beth xx

Picking Your University Accommodation

When going to university, one of the things that some of you will need to sort out is your accommodation. I'm not entirely sure how picking your accommodation works at every university, so I am just going to go by how it works at mine as this is the only one I have experience with, but hopefully, if each university does its accommodation differently, it will be similar in the advice I am about to give you in some way.

The problem I had when it came to picking my accommodation is that I only had one accommodation to pick due to where my campus is, however for the main campus there are around seven different accommodations to choose from. I'm fairly sure that those who had a choice of which accommodation they were going to live in had to put them in order of preference, although I'm not sure whether they just had a first and a second choice or if they had to rank each accommodation from first to last. This works on a first come first served basis, so essentially the sooner you choose your accommodation, the more likely you are to get your first choice.

I also know that if you receive an unconditional offer, you are able to choose your accommodation before those who received conditional offers can, meaning that you are also more likely to receive your first choice accommodation if you have an unconditional offer. Therefore I would recommend that you make your choice as soon as the applications for accommodation open to try and ensure you are put into your first choice. I know many people in my year who were late to apply for accommodation and ended up not getting their first choice and were quite disappointed by this, so please learn from their mistake and get your choices in at the first available moment so you don't end up like them. I don't think they necessarily hate the accommodation they ended up being put in (but let's face it, the only thing university accommodation is good for is the social side and absolutely nothing else), but I know they would definitely have preferred to be in their first choice.

Before picking your accommodation, I would definitely recommend that you try and view all of the accommodations that are available to you beforehand. Most often these tours are available during university open days, however if you are applying for this year, chances are you have probably already attended all of your university open days. At this point in time, there may still be some open days for those who are planning on starting university next year, however you can also attend these and use this opportunity to check out your accommodation choices; as well as to have a final look around your chosen university to make sure you have definitely made the right choice (although I am pretty sure you can't change whether or not you go here, unless you choose another university through clearing). If you are unable to do this, or can't look around all of the available accommodation for whatever reason, I'm fairly certain you can ring the accommodation and arrange for you to have a private tour around that accommodation, which I know is something some people in my accommodation decided to do before living there.

I would also recommend that you take the time at some point over the summer to go to the town or city that your university is based in and go and have a look around it, particularly the area that is most near to your university and your accommodation. This will give you the opportunity to get used to the area prior to your arrival in September (or January if you are in the January intake) and get to know where the nearest shops and bars are and how to get to university from your accommodation. This is something that I never did, however I wish I had done this as I can remember when I first started I didn't really know where anything was (and to be honest I still don't) and this meant on my first day of university I had to leave a lot earlier than planned because I knew for definite I would get lost (which I did a bit). This just means that you can put your mind at rest before starting university and can get rid of a lot of anxiety, nerves, and stress.

Before you go to university, you should make a budget, which is particularly important if you are in accommodation. Most of your student finance will go on your rent, which can be paid for using a direct debit so that you don't have to worry about making sure you pay it on time as this will be done for you. How I planned my budget was to plan for the worst possible situation and try to stick to spending as little as possible as best as I could and did an individual budget per term. You tend to get slightly more student finance in your third term (after Easter) and in my case, my rent was £500 less than the previous two terms, however I don't know if this applies to all accommodations or just mine, but I still pretty much stuck to the same budget. I will include a screenshot of my budget below so you have an idea of how much things will cost, however please be aware that I haven't exactly stuck to this and that not everything cost as much as I said, for example, I made a budget of £360 for food, however spent £372 during second term, but didn't spend money in other areas of my budget:

You may also want to know that you don't have to pay council tax when living in accommodation, which I'm pretty sure also applies if you are in a student house. Upon arrival at your accommodation, they will ask you to fill out a form, which is basically just to prove that you are a student and this way you shouldn't be asked to pay council tax. I can't exactly remember what was on that form, but it only takes a few minutes to fill out. 

You may also want to pay for a TV license if you are a person who likes to watch a lot of TV. You may be aware that you are covered by your parents' TV license while you are in accommodation, however there are some limitations to this. You are covered by your parents' license as long as you don't watch any live TV, don't watch any programmes on the BBC (including iplayer), and when you are watching a show on catch-up (ITV, channel 4, channel 5 - NOT BBC), you shouldn't be watching it on a device that is plugged in, i.e. if your laptop is charging you can't be watching any TV. You will need a license if you are planning on watching any TV on the BBC (including iplayer) or if you watch shows as they are being broadcast. My flat received a few warnings about not having paid for a TV license, including one that was directly addressed to one of my flatmates, and this resulted in me paying for a license as I would rather have to do that than pay a £1000 fine. Once you leave your accommodation you are able to cancel this payment, however I'm not entirely sure what this process is like as I am still in my accommodation, but I will add a comment below or edit this post once I do just so that all of you are clear on what happens during this process. 

If you have any questions about picking your university accommodation that you feel I haven't answered in this post, or have any other questions about university accommodation in general, then please feel free to comment them down below and I will do my best to answer them. Similarly, if you are a university student in accommodation, or have previously been in accommodation, and have any more points to make that I haven't made then also feel free to comment them below.

I hope that you end up picking the right accommodation for you and that this whole process goes as smoothly as possible for you.

Love Beth xx

University and Mental Health

Mental health is something that I have had to live with for many years now and I'm sure many of you reading this have the same problem. This is a problem that I had planned to do something about this year, yet so far have done nothing. I guess it's because I'm too ashamed to admit out loud to someone that I have mental health problems, although I know this is NOTHING to be ashamed about and that I just need to face up to these issues so I can live my life how I want to live it and not feel as though my mental health is inhibiting my ability to carry out simple daily tasks. And the main reason why I wanted to start doing something about my mental health is that since starting university I feel that my mental health has got worse, much worse.

I'm not entirely sure whether this is to do with the fact that I moved away from home to attend university; or if it's because I spend so much of my time sitting in my room on my own as I only have 2-4 contact hours a day, 3-4 days a week. Or whether A-Levels messed me up so much that now whenever I do sit down to do some work my head starts to feel really heavy and I struggle to get as much work done as I should.

I'm pretty sure I have explained this in another post, but when I moved to university I thought it would be relatively the same as it is at home as I tend to spend a lot of my time in my room watching TV or scrolling through social media (or working on my blog). When I get bored or want someone to talk to I will go into my kitchen or living room and spend some time with them. But this isn't the case at university. You think you will spend most of your time surrounded by your friends, whether that be in one of your flats, going out to eat, having pre-drinks/going out, or just walking to university. But I have experienced the complete opposite of this. I would say that I spend 95% of my time on my own, meaning that I have plenty of time to be alone with my thoughts which DEFINITELY is not a good thing. I have too much time to think about all of the things that are going wrong with my life and wonder why they are going wrong. I spend so much of my time being able to blame myself for anything that has happened that I spend at least a couple of days a week feeling so low that in the past few months I have often wondered whether I will make it to another day. People blame me for not talking to them as much or for avoiding any plans, but this is because I feel so low in myself that I feel I need to take some time to work on myself before I can even focus on spending time with other people and helping them through their problems. Does this make me a selfish person? I don't think it does but others don't agree.

As I only spend no more than 12 hours a week in lectures or seminars, this means I have way too much time on my hands than I would care to admit. Yes, the rest of that time is meant to be spent with me doing directed tasks or assignments, but I also need time to relax and do whatever I want to do. Plus it is really difficult to actually sit down, even if it's just for a couple of hours, and do work, especially when I'm feeling low or just not in the mood to do anything. People say I'm lucky to have so much time on my hands. I disagree. When you spend 99% of your time feeling incredibly low and like you don't matter to anyone and that you'd be better off completely disappearing off the face of the earth, having so much time on your hands does not make you lucky in any way, shape, or form. If anything it makes you incredibly unlucky as you struggle to make it through every second of the day without doing anything you shouldn't.

I also think that part of this run with me and bad mental health is to do with how badly I struggled with A-Levels and how much my mental health suffered during this time in my life. I felt like I was under so much pressure to do well and as my grades were mostly judged by how I did in my exams (something which I have always been bad at) that I took no time out for myself and ended up spending 9+ hours a day revising just to try and achieve the grades I needed to get into university. Due to this, now whenever I sit down to do any work, I find myself feeling as bad as I did just a year ago - with my head feeling incredibly heavy and like I can't carry on anymore. Luckily I have now realised that whenever I go back into this place I should stop whatever I'm doing and go on a break, even if that means I don't do any more work for a couple of days. This is because I have learnt that taking time out to focus on your mental health is way more important than spending so much time on your work that your mental health suffers.

How I have described university and mental health doesn't necessarily apply to everyone, it is just my experience of it. If you are heading to university this year or are already a student, you may experience something completely different to me. You may find it better, or you may find it worse. Just remember, do whatever is best for you and don't put yourself in any situation where your mental health ends up being compromised.

Love Beth xx

The Side of University No One Wants You to See

University is something that everyone portrays as one of the best times of your life and tells you it is the place where you are going to meet all of your life-long friends. They make it out like you are going to go out partying and drinking every single night (at least during first year) and that the workload is only small.

But this isn't the only side of university. This is the side that people want you to see. There is another side that not many people will tell you about and even if they do briefly mention it they will then go on to say "but it's still really fun and you'll really enjoy it". What they don't tell you about is that you will also go through some really hard times, possibly the hardest times of your life, as you learn a lot more about yourself as a person, due to the fact that you will be spending a lot of time on your own.

University has probably made me the loneliest I have ever been. If you are in accommodation, you will probably spend the majority of time in your room on your own doing work. Even though during A-Levels I spent a lot of time in my room alone doing work, I was always able to go into the kitchen or lounge if I ever got bored or wanted to talk to someone, which I thought university was going to be like. How wrong I was!

If you are sat in your room at university, alone, and get bored or want to talk to someone, chances are if you go into the kitchen there will be no one in there for you to talk to. This means that you will be holding your thoughts in to yourself, which can become very dangerous if you are in need of someone to talk to but have no one there. You could say that I could go and talk to some of my friends in my accommodation, but if I'm being brutally honest, I haven't really made any other friends in my accommodation apart from a couple of people who I share a flat with. The majority of my friends are on my course but they commute to university and don't live anywhere particularly near to where I am staying and most of them have jobs so can't spontaneously meet up with me just because I need to talk.

My mental health has definitely suffered since moving away to university. I'm not sure whether it is because I'm out of my comfort zone by being away from home or if it is due to me feeling lonely and like I have no one to talk to (or both). I think it is important for me to acknowledge this as so many people will tell you how fun university is, and to be fair most people probably do experience university in the way it is portrayed by many, but there are also others, like me, who don't experience this side of university.

There have been times when I have wanted to drop out of university due to this reason as I didn't like the fact that I was really struggling with moving away from home and being completely on my own for the first time EVER and in a place where it didn't even resemble my home town in the slightest. The only thing that has really kept me in university was the fact that I was doing fairly well in my course (for my first two assignments I got a first) and I was trying to convince myself that things would change. They have slightly changed I guess, but not as much as I would like them to. The other reason why I have stuck at it is that since I was little I have always wanted to go to university, get a degree and get a job. I know that university isn't the only route you can take into getting a job, however for what I potentially want to do once I leave university, I will need some form of a degree for, so even if I were to drop out of my current course now, I would still have to go and do a different course in order to do this job.

After telling you all of this, I'm not going to then sit here and tell you that you should still go to university because it's really fun and you probably won't end up going through what I am, but then I would be lying. University isn't for everyone and let's be honest, it probably isn't for me but I don't really know what other routes I would take if I did drop out, hence why I have stuck at it because I didn't want to drop out and then not have anything to go on to do to be able to justify me dropping out.

I guess at the end of the day if you really want to get somewhere and there are a few steps along the way that you'd rather not take but have to in order to get to where you want to be, then you'll take it to make sure you get there. That's how I feel about university. I have always wanted to go to university since I was a little girl, but now I am here I have realised that it's not all it's made out to be and there are definitely some things about it that I never expected to experience. But at the end of the day, as long as taking this step means I am that little bit closer to getting into a career that I genuinely enjoy and that makes all of this worth it, then so be it. Because three years (and possibly a couple more) is nothing compared to 30 years of being in a job that I (hopefully) enjoy.

Love Beth xx

Applying for University

Applying for university can be a stressful time for many of you. If you are currently in year 13 or in your final year in college, then you have probably already applied for university and are making sure you get the grades you need to get in. However, if you are in year 12, your first year of college, or are currently thinking of going to university then you may be coming to the stage where it is time for you to start looking around different universities and applying to those that really take your fancy. As a current first-year student, it wasn't that long ago that I was applying to university myself, so today I thought I would share with you the process of applying to university and try and give you some advice on picking the right university for you (although I am no expert in this department).

The first thing I would recommend you do is to either think about the course or subject area you are interested in studying and google this to find the different universities that offer this course or courses in your subject area and look at the area they are in, whether it's near to your home, and the grades you need to get in. There is an easier way for you to do this, and this is through an app/website called 'whatuni?'. This enables you to search for the course you want to study and it comes up with a whole list of universities that offer this course, as well as ones that are similar and how other students rank that university. It also gives you the ability to filter the type of qualification (foundation or undergraduate), the country, the location, how you study (full time/part time/sandwich/online), your previous qualifications (such as A-Levels), and your preferences (such as if it's in a city, if you will be staying in accommodation, and the types of facilities the university has to offer). This way you can get a better idea of the courses each university offers and know which ones you should go and look around.

Obviously, the next step is for you to start going on open days. If you are the sort of person that might worry about missing some of college in order to go, then don't worry because most open days tend to happen at the weekend as this way all lecturers should be free and you won't have to deal with all of the students who are already at that university, as well as the thousands who are attending the open day. Most universities will get you to apply to an open day, so make sure you check before going, as this is a way for them to see how many people are likely to be attending. You may also be sent an itinerary before the open day, giving you the chance to plan out your day. I would recommend you do this and get there as early as possible as this will allow you to get around as much of the university as you wish. I particularly recommend that you talk to the lecturers or students as they are there to help. They might seem scary but they wouldn't be there if they didn't want to help you, particularly the students, so talk to them as no one can tell you about the course better than they can. And don't be so quick to dismiss a university before you've had a chance to properly look around it. Draw up a list of the pros and cons after each open day and once you've attended all of them, use these to decide your final five (in case you didn't already know, when applying through UCAS you can only apply to up to five universities).

The next thing for you to do is to start your UCAS application. This was the bane of my life, so I recommend that you get it done sooner rather than later. There are many parts to your application, including your personal statement, filling out a number of forms about yourself, and selecting up to five of your chosen universities and the course(s) you've chosen to study. I can't really provide you with help for the filling out forms part as this is mostly ticking boxes or selecting things, as well as giving out your basic information (your name, date of birth, address, etc.), however I can give you help with your personal statement. I am going to do another post in a few weeks where I go into more detail about your personal statement, so, for now, I am just going to give you the basics. As your UCAS application will only allow you to send one personal statement to all five universities, I would recommend that you chose the same course for each university (or at least try and get them as similar as possible). Some universities will allow you to send a different personal statement if you email them and ask them, but these things take a lot of time so I would recommend you choose one course you want to study in advance. You can always change your mind at a later date. Try and relate anything you have done that will make you stand out directly to your course. For example, my course is in childcare, so the majority of things on my personal statement were to do with that, such as any work experience I had done or volunteer work. Having first-hand experience will give you the upper edge. I understand with some courses this may not be entirely possible, and if not I'm probably not the person to be giving you advice on this part, but in this case you should at least say why you want to study the course and give the admissions tutors an idea of where you want to be once you graduate. Don't lie on your personal statement either because you may be asked to go into an interview at some universities (which, thankfully, I didn't have to do) and they will ask you questions about some of the things you have written on your personal statement and they will be able to tell in that interview whether you have lied to them or not. I also recommend during this process that you get multiple people to look at your personal statement, for example, teachers you trust, as they will be able to give you the best advice on things you should change/put in to try and help you stand out more. You need to make the first few words of your statement stand out as if they are the same as what admissions tutors will read on the thousands of other applications, there may be some cases where they won't even bother reading the rest of it and you will be put straight on the no pile. You should also try to get your UCAS application in as soon as possible as once it gets near the closing date, it is, typically, when the majority of people send their forms in. The earlier you send it in, the earlier you will hear back from your chosen universities. You don't want to be the person that is yet to hear from their chosen universities, believe me.

The next part is accepting the offers you get. You can only choose two universities for this, which are your firm and insurance choices. Your firm choice is the university that you definitely want to go to and as long as everything goes to plan, i.e. you get the grades you need to get in, you will be going to this university. However, if you don't get the grades you need then you will be going to your insurance choice. When you first get your offers back, you will either receive conditional or unconditional offers. A conditional offer is where you have a place at that university, as long as you meet the criteria to get in. An unconditional offer is where you are 100% guaranteed a place at that university, no matter whether you get the grades needed. Some universities may also originally offer you a conditional offer but may email you saying you will receive an unconditional offer as long as you make them your firm choice. I suggest that you don't make a university your firm choice just because you have some form of an unconditional offer from them. You need to think this through thoroughly before making your decision as once you have made it and your choices have been sent to these universities there's no going back. You need to make sure that you choose a university that you are 100% happy with going to. Applicant open days tend to occur after people have been sent offers from universities, so if you are unsure of the firm and insurance choices to make then I suggest that you attend these first before making your final decision.

You will then need to apply for student finance. I should also add at this point that this is something you are going to have to do for each year you are at university and isn't something you can just do before you start and that you will get the same money each year you are there. This is another thing I am going to be making a separate post on in the coming weeks. There are two different loans you will need to apply for, which are your tuition fees and your maintenance loan. Your tuition fee will be for however much your university charges you (typically £9250) and will be sent straight to the university, so you don't have to worry about making sure you pay the money because it is done for you. Maintenance loans are a bit more complicated. You don't have to apply for a maintenance loan if you don't feel like you need the money, but if you are in accommodation you will 100% need this. The amount you get can depend on whether you are living at home or in accommodation and whether you are attending a university that is in or outside of London. You can apply for as little or as much as you want, so here I am just going to talk about what I personally got due to my situation in first year. I decided to move away from home, therefore was able to receive a maximum of around £8700, however this amount is also dependent on how much the adults in your household earn (in most cases, your parents). Essentially, if their combined annual income is under £25,000, you will get the maximum amount of however much of your maintenance loan you are entitled to. Essentially, the more they earn, the less you get. You can also apply for extra money if you are entitled to it, such as if you are a young carer, however I don't exactly know how this works so you may have to do some extra research on that. You may also, potentially, be able to get help from your university money-wise, which I also don't know a lot about so you may also need to get in touch with them.

Next, if you are moving away from home then you will need to start thinking about applying for accommodation (if you are planning on staying at home then you can skip this bit). I would recommend that you go and look around as many accommodations as possible when you go on open days, as this is the only way that you can get a real feel for the accommodation as the pictures they put up online (at least in the case of my accommodation) can be seen as 'catfishing'. I can't really give much help when it comes to picking accommodation as, despite being in accommodation myself, I could only pick the one I am in as it is the only one for my campus, as the rest are all for the other campus. However, I do know that at my university you can pick an order of which one you would prefer to be in and they will try and put you in your chosen accommodation, however as there are literally thousands of others applying, you can't always be guaranteed to be in your first choice accommodation. I will just tell you now that paying rent is probably what the majority of your maintenance loan will go on, and some of you may not even be able to cover the whole of your rent on what you get (I think the minimum for anyone living away from home is just over £4000 but I'm not 100%) and speaking on personal experience, 2/3 of my maintenance loan goes on my rent. If you feel you can't afford this and do have the option of being able to stay at home then definitely consider this, but at the same time, at least during first year, being in accommodation is a good way to make new friends, so you could possibly try being in accommodation during first year and then staying at home for the rest of your time at university (which is what I'm planning on doing), but at the end of the day it is totally up to you.

After this, if you don't already have an unconditional offer then all you have to do is sit and wait for your results to see if you have got into your chosen university. On results day, they will send you an email, possibly before you have even received your results, confirming your place and you don't have to do anything else because that place is officially yours, you just have to make sure you enrol when prompted. This is basically just filling out more forms so they can send you your student ID and anything else you may need (or if they need to check something, such as your DBS if you're on a health or education course, you may have to wait until your first week to get your ID and officially enrol). You will also need to start packing if you are moving away from home, which I recommend you start sooner rather than later to make sure you have everything you need. I wrote a list of everything I had to take with me and highlighted them in different colours (e.g. red for need to buy, yellow for got but need to pack, and green for packed) and also went on the internet to see what other students recommended (I may also be doing another post on this in the future).

I think I have covered pretty much everything but knowing me I have probably forgotten at least two key pieces of information. If you think I have forgotten something or have any other questions, or if there is something I couldn't fully answer (such as about picking accommodation) then comment them down below as if there is something you don't fully understand/know, it is highly likely that there is at least one other person who is in the same boat.

Love Beth xx

To My Secondary School Friends

I'm not entirely sure if I can hand-on-heart say that I ever felt included in your group, whether that be in or outside of school, but I really value the years that we spent together, whether that be from year 7 or towards the end of our time there. I do think that we shared some good times together, but there were definitely some bad times as well. I constantly felt left out of your group and that you only remained friends with me because you felt like you had to. I really tried to make a deep and meaningful connection with you all, but I guess I didn't try hard enough. But then again you can't force friendships, and I guess I can say that I have experienced that first hand.

I always felt like a bit of an outsider when it came to us spending time together. I only ever really saw any of you at school and occasionally outside of school if it was a special occasion, such as for someone's birthday. You never included me in anything and I still don't know what the reason for that is. Did you not like me, at all? Did you find me annoying? Was I not good enough for you? You say you've gone through some bad friends in your lifetime, was I one of them? I'm just struggling to comprehend what I actually did that was so bad that made you not want to spend any time with me outside of school. Then again, you probably didn't actually want to spend any time with me inside of school.

I can't really complain. I shouldn't want to be friends with people who don't value me as a friend and should instead want to remain friends with those who genuinely like me. I didn't even know where I stood with any of you and to be honest I'm not entirely sure that I know now where I stand. If you like me then say so. If you don't like me then just tell me and I'll be fine with that. I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm better than any of you because I really don't think I am. How can I be? You all seem to be out there leading really good lives with an amazing support unit behind you; whereas I'm really struggling and have no one. Then again, I can only see what you put on social media and I'm guessing you're only showing the good times so for all I know you could be living the same (or similar) life as me, but somehow I doubt that's possible.

I didn't like how you made me feel like I was inferior to all of you. I was the one whose birthday was the least important. I was the one who you'd spend the least amount of money on a Christmas present (but to be honest I was never expecting some large extravagant gift and I'm grateful for the chocolate, I really am). But I wish I had been treated like I was one of you. I wish I had been treated like I mattered. I wish that when something significant had happened in my life that I could feel like I could have come to at least one of you for advice. I wish that my feelings had mattered to you. But none of these did, did they? Because as long as all of you felt like you were a part of the group and were receiving whatever support you needed, that's all that mattered. But what about the support I should have been receiving? Why wasn't I that important? Was I not good enough? Were my fears and paranoia true? Did you all secretly hate me like I knew you did?

But none of that matters now. I am not bitter about how I was treated for all those years. Because let's be honest, hardly any of you are still friends with each other now anyway. I have my group of friends, you all separately have your own groups of friends, so let's just leave it at that.

I am grateful for all of the good times that we had together, because as much as I have said in this post that we never spent any time together and that any time we did spend together made me feel lonely even though I was surrounded by all of you, we did share a lot of laughter and jokes together. I will never forget any of the memories we have made together and I wish all of you the success that you deserve in the future because all of you really deserve it. There was a time a few months ago where I would have said that if I ever saw any of you in the street or on a night out somewhere I would have turned the other way or pretended to not have seen you. But if someone asked me now what I would do if I saw any of you, I would say that I would happily have a conversation with you to catch-up and maybe even go for a drink or two together. I know that none of you are bad people and I have realised that I shouldn't just ignore you just because of some petty feelings I have for how I felt a few years ago.

So if any of you are reading this and realise that it is me who is writing it, please don't hesitate to get back in touch with me. Even if it's just to see how I am and then we never speak to each other again, I would rather have that conversation than just pretend that none of us were ever friends. We may have formed a group because we had all previously been in other friendship groups that we were no longer a part of for one reason or another, but our group of friends defined our secondary school years, and that is something that should be celebrated, not dismissed.

Love Beth xx

How my Anxiety Affects my Day-to-Day Life

Living with anxiety is something that I have had to deal with for pretty much my whole life, whether I had realised that or not. It affects my day-to-day life in more ways than I thought was ever possible to do so, resulting in there being many times where I haven't been able to do the things that I want to do and live the life that I want to live because I have felt that my anxiety has held me back.

I would say that the anxiety I mostly have to deal with is social anxiety. To those who don't already know, this means I struggle with being in social situations and a lot of the time when I am in those situations, my heart rate is a lot faster than normal, I feel sick, and I struggle to breathe. This is even when just thinking about those situations and whenever I do feel this way before a situation I will always try and get out of it because I know that if I have high anxiety about a situation before I'm even in it, then it will be ten times worse when I am actually in that situation.

We can look at this in terms of comfort zones. A comfort zone is something that we all have, and for me, this is my house, or at least my bedroom. When I am in my room/house, I feel comfortable and am 99% certain that nothing bad can happen to me while I am in my comfort zone. For me the danger can only start when I step out of my comfort zone, so pretty much as soon as I walk out of my front door I feel as though I am putting myself in danger. Even if I am just leaving my house to walk to my local shop and back, there are many times when I feel the anxiety start to set in. But this anxiety is always worse when I am having to leave my house and know I am either putting myself into an unknown situation or if I am going into a situation that I am already anxious about for whatever reason that may be. The further out of my comfort zone I am, the worse my anxiety is.

It also makes me overly paranoid about things that I should never be concerned about. I can't walk past a group of people without thinking they're talking about me. I can't go into a shop where they don't have a self check-out as I worry that after I leave the person who served me is going to start talking about me to their colleagues. I can't go on a break or leave where I am on placement through fear that the people who work there are going to start talking about me behind my back. I fear that my 'friends' all secretly hate me and only invite me to some things because they feel that they have to and not because they want me there or want to see me. I can't walk into a seminar or lecture on my own, regardless of whether I'm late or not, because I worry people are going to look at me and as soon as they see me they are going to start talking about me. I can't go up and talk to people through fear they are going to judge whatever I say. I can't get the lift from my flat to the ground floor in case there are other people in there and if I'm going back up to my flat I can only get the lift if I am the only one there and have to press the button to close the doors before anyone else comes along. I can't text someone first, even if it is urgent, through fear that they don't actually like me and find me annoying.

I feel that I have to hide away in the background whenever I am in any sort of social situation to try and make sure no-one notices me. Of course, I hate living like this, however it is something that I have been struggling to control for many years now. I am aiming this year to try and improve this, even if it's just the tiniest bit, but I have found myself accepting that this is how I am going to have to live for the rest of my life. I think I know deep down that everything that I am paranoid about or anything that I think might happen is highly unlikely to be true, however there is clearly something going on in my head that is causing these thoughts to happen. I wish I knew why this is and I wish I had the courage to go to the doctors, however I feel as though if I do they'll say I'm just overthinking it and that I don't have anxiety or any other mental health problems and that there's nothing wrong with me. I guess I have a fear of being judged, which is another reason why I haven't gone to the doctors yet as I feel that if I am diagnosed with anxiety then they'll be one of the people who judge me for my diagnosis.

I'm fed up with my anxiety preventing me from living my life how I want to live it. I feel that it's so easy for someone to tell me that it's all in my head and that there's actually nothing wrong with me and that I should just get over it and go outside. But it's not that easy. It's not as simple as just telling someone to get over something and them miraculously being cured. It's about taking the time to gain a better understanding of what exactly is causing this anxiety and then taking the time to find the methods that work in helping to manage it. I don't believe this is something that can ever be cured (although I hope that at some point it can be), but as long as someday I find a way to manage what is causing my anxiety so that I don't get as anxious as I do over the smallest of things then I will be happy.

If anyone reading this has any methods for managing their anxiety that they found have worked for them (or any methods that haven't), then please comment them down below as they may help me or someone else reading this who also struggles with anxiety.

Love Beth xx

My Top 10 Movies on Netflix

(Disclaimer: I'm going to try and make these mostly Netflix original movies, however there may possibly also be ones that aren't Netflix original. Also if I haven't included a movie(s) on here that's on Netflix that you really enjoy and would recommend then please feel free to comment it down below as I or someone reading this may not have watched it and it could turn into a personal favourite. Also, these aren't necessarily in order of which are the best, they're just my own personal favourites in any random order).

1. To All The Boys I've Loved Before

This Netflix original has to be a personal favourite of mine and I feel like what Lara Jean does with writing letters to all of the boys that she has ever loved (hence the title) is something that we've all thought of doing at some point in our lives (or, at least, I have anyway). I will say that around halfway through this film I kind of started to lose interest a bit, but this wasn't anything really to do with the film and was more to do with me having an inability to sit still and watch something for more than five minutes. I would also say that as I am 19 (18 when I watched the film) it is probably aimed at an audience that is slightly younger than me (I'd say from around the ages of 12/13), however it is perfectly watchable by anyone who is older than that. I would definitely say that I wish my love life could be like how the film portrays teenage love to be like, however, I guess that's all part of the fairytale side of things.

Rating ~ 9/10

2. The Kissing Booth

This is another Netflix original and after having heard so many good things about it I decided to sit down and watch it. I really enjoyed that the plot centred around two best friends where the girl (Elle) fancies the boys (Lee) brother (Noah) however can't be with him due to a pact that they made (or can she?). However like To All The Boys I've Loved Before, it also has that fairytale aspect to it where in real life the chances of any of this actually happening (at least in the way that the film portrays it) are very slim. Despite this, this film is probably one of the very few films where I have actually been able to sit through the whole thing without having to get up and do something else or look at my phone throughout various parts of the film. 

Rating ~ 9.5/10

3. The Princess Switch

Another of Netflix's original films, however this time it's a Christmas movie (the only Netflix Christmas original move that I've watched). It centres around two girls, one a baker and the other a princess, who look exactly alike however aren't related in any shape or form. When the baker (Stacy) heads to Belgravia with her best friend Kevin and his daughter to take part in a baking competition, she meets the princess (Margaret) who is engaged to the prince. The two decide to switch lives and soon find themselves falling for the other's man. As a viewer, you are taken on a Christmas journey of wondering whether the two will be caught out and how they could ever return to their former lives. I definitely didn't feel the need to get up or use my phone during this film and think that this will go down as one of my all-time favourite Christmas films (or just favourite films in general).

Rating ~10/10

4. Four Weddings and a Funeral

Moving away from the Netflix originals now (I have so many I want to watch, I just haven't found the time to watch them), this film took me the longest time to watch (I only watched it for the first time at the end of last year) but I am so glad that I bothered to take the time to sit down and watch it. Yes, towards the end I did find myself getting engrossed in other things and not paying as much attention to the film as maybe I should have done, however this doesn't take away how much of a great film this is. It has an absolutely amazing cast with an amazing plot and is the complete opposite of what I was expecting it to be like. I like that it's set around one particular group of friends and that the script-writing has managed to find a way to include all of them in every single part of the film without it seeming too repetitive. If you haven't watched this yet then I would definitely recommend that you do.

Rating ~ 9/10

5. 13 going on 30
Like the film above, this film is probably one that I should have watched years ago, yet only watched a few months ago. I had heard of it but it was only in Ariana Grande's music video for 'thank u, next' that I realised from the comments how big a deal this film is and that I should watch it. When I did I instantly fell in love with the plot and the characters (well, most of them anyway) and the genre of film (rom-com) is my all-time favourite. I also like that the film shows that you don't need to be popular in order to be successful in life. The portrayal of comedy in this film is excellent and how Garner acts as a 13-year-old in a 30-year-old's body really shows how innocent children are compared to how it can sometimes seem, really showing that keeping your childhood as child-like as possible and not trying to grow up too fast is such an important thing.

Rating ~ 8.5/10

6. Mamma Mia
This film is something that I will always watch over-and-over again and don't think I could ever get bored of it. If anyone knows me they will know that I absolutely love musicals and this doesn't fail to disappoint. The writing and comedic aspects to it are spot on, especially Julie Walters as Rosie who is arguably the best character in both this film and the sequel 'here we go again'. Even though some of the cast can't sing (which is kind of essential to be able to do in a musical), this can easily be looked past due to how amazing the plot and the acting is. I like that the ABBA songs that have been used in this film have a slightly new take on them, making everything in the film original, and also how the songs link in nicely with what is going on in that exact point in the movie.

Rating ~ 9.5/10

7. Legally Blonde
If you have ever watched this film and haven't felt motivated to do something, whether that be school/uni work or doing something that you have been putting off for a while now, then you clearly weren't paying that much attention to the film. It centres around Elle, a teenager who is very popular with wealthy parents and stereotypically seems to be heading to work in fashion. However, after wanting to follow her now ex-boyfriend to Harvard Law School, she ends up studying law but is made to feel that she shouldn't be there as she is 'too stupid'. She manages to prove these people wrong, showing everyone who has ever watched this film that if there is something in life that you want to achieve, no matter how impossible that might seem, that you can do it and that it is possible for anyone to achieve their goal(s) if they just put their mind to it.

Rating ~ 9.5/10

 8. Ted
This film is definitely not one for those of you who are easily offended as this film is definitely one that pushes the boundaries quite a considerable amount. It focuses on a guy who has a talking bear and they are both 'thunder buddies' and have never been without one another since ted was first given to John as a little boy. Their closeness is difficult for John's girlfriend Lori, who only wants to be able to spend some time alone with John every once in a while, resulting in them splitting up. However, when they eventually get back together to discover ted has been kidnapped, they have to fight to try and get him back, except when they do things only go from bad to worse. I definitely wouldn't recommend this for anyone who is under 15 as this film was the one to make me realise why films have an age limit.

Rating ~ 8/10

9. Beauty and the Beast
I absolutely loved the cartoon version of this and when I found that a live-action version was being made I was absolutely ecstatic. However, I never watched this film when it was first released so you can understand how happy I was when it came out on Netflix. I only watched this for the first time recently and enjoyed the fact that it was pretty much exactly how I remembered it from the cartoon. I will admit that throughout this I did occasionally go on my phone and did fall asleep about half an hour before it finished, however this was more to do with the fact that it was quite late at night when I watched it and I was really tired and not because I found the film boring, because it is far from that. Some people may say that I am too old to be watching Disney films, especially ones about princesses, but you are never too old for any kind of film, and this film goes to show that it is what's on the inside and not on the outside that counts.

Rating ~ 9/10

10. Johnny English
I like this film because it involves both drama and comedy and the lead actor is Rowan Atkinson who is one of my all-time favourite actors. I do believe that the film should have been left there and didn't need its sequels as the first sequel wasn't that good and I didn't get anywhere near the end and I haven't even seen the latest sequel. However, I do like the fact that the film shows that everyone is capable of making mistakes, no matter who you are or what profession you are in.

Rating ~ 7/10

Love Beth xx

To My Primary School Friends

I know that I don't really speak to any of you anymore, but I thought that I would take this opportunity to tell you everything that I have been going through over the past few years and why I miss you like crazy and wish that we could get back in touch. Because I do miss you. Pretty much every single second of every single day. But I know that you don't feel about me in the same way, which is why I'm writing to you like this instead of getting in contact with you directly.

The truth is, I have been through an awful lot in the past few years, as have all of you from what I have heard. I've fallen in and out of love, I've been through loss, I've moved house, I've learnt how to drive, I've had to deal with my parents' divorce, I've moved away to university, as well as many, many other things. And I'm sure all of you have been through similar or other things, but I hope that now things are starting to look up for you, as I'm hoping they are for me.

All of this sounds so selfish so far. I mean, all I've done is talk about myself and I haven't even asked how any of you are. How are you all? I hope you're doing well, and I really mean that. But I guess all I can really do is talk about how I'm doing as I barely know anything that's been going on with any of you. But that's my fault. I should have made more effort in staying in contact with you all when we left primary school instead of just leaving all of that down to you and ignoring the fact that we were ever even friends and moving on to new people, none of whom I am friends with anymore.

Do I regret us no longer being friends? Yes, ever so much. Would I go back in time and actually bother to message you all once a while? Absolutely. But unfortunately, time travel doesn't exist so I guess I'm just going to have to try and learn from that massive mistake and actually bother to message the people who I am currently friends with but hardly ever get the chance to see.

I know that we were only incredibly young when we first became friends and that many people are no longer friends with those who were a massive part of their childhood. But I thought that we were different. I thought that we would be the best of friends forever and ever and that absolutely nothing could break us apart. But it did. And it was me. I broke us apart. And I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I had of bothered to keep in contact with you all instead of just not bothering to reply.

But one thing I can't help but wonder when writing all of this is if any of you actually genuinely liked me. Yes, it's easy for me to say that I never bothered talking to any of you, but in reality how much did any of you actually bother to try and keep in contact with me? Admittedly it was a bit more than I ever did, however it certainly wasn't that much more. And when all four of us were in school together you would always work together and I was always left on the sidelines. But I guess that's just the story of my life really. Always on the sidelines and never in the crowd. I guess it's just something that I've managed to get used to over the years when in reality it's something that I should never have had to get used to at all. Maybe that's why we're no longer in contact? Maybe it's because none of you ever actually liked me and that is the reason why we no longer speak. But I guess I will never know.

One thing I want to know is if you ever think about me. Even if it's just the tiniest little bit. I bet none of you do. I mean, it was stupid of me to think that you did in the first place. Here I am, doing nothing but think of all of you, what you're doing with your lives and wishing that I was a part of that. And there you are, living your lives to the full and not thinking about me once. And to be honest I don't blame you for doing that. I'm nothing special. Sometimes I try to think that I am but in reality, I know that I'm not. Please feel free to confirm this, it won't hurt I swear.

The number of times I've thought about messaging you and have come so close to doing so but end up chickening out is way more than I could count on both hands. I bet none of you has thought about doing the same. But if you ever do, then please feel free to do so. I would love for us to get in contact again and maybe meet up sometime. But, in the meantime, I wish you all the best and I hope that life is doing you good. Because it definitely isn't for me so it would be good to know that it is doing good for at least one of us.

Love Beth xx